*This story is underneath my folder titled “Adventures of Poppy and others”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
She had to get away from there. She just had to. She couldn’t stay in that house for one more second.
Four year old Bronte Alicesin couldn't be around her family anymore. They didn't understand her.
They didn't love her. They didn’t even try to mask it, their hatred was obvious. Mother called her “The devil”, father would press a burning poker to her hands, and her older sister, Ciara, laughed at her pain.
It was all because Bronte could summon a storm with her hands.
Apparently, her ancestors were burned at the stake for the same reason. It was believed that the Alicesins were cursed with storm powers, so each and every one of them with the powers were promptly killed.
No one in the Alicesin family with storm powers had ever lived to tell the tale.
That was, until Bronte came along.
Bronte didn’t want to spend her life with a family who wanted her dead, so she made her escape at night, through her open window. She didn’t have anything of value to pack with her, her family never gave her any toys. Only shreds of paper she was supposed to “play with”.
Well, at least she found an old blue cloak in the attic. The cloak was wrapped around her, and it kept her warm in the moonlight night. It used to belong to Ciara when she was Bronte’s age, but then it was locked in the attic after she got older.
Like Bronte, the cloak would hide in dust no longer.
.......................................................................
She was still in the forest, but she was getting further. At least, she thought that she was. Bronte wasn’t entirely sure.
In the distance, she heard faint crying. It sounded like somebody was lost, like somebody needed help.
She ran towards the noise, her brown boots kicking up dirt as she ran. Bronte cared not that her face would get dirty, she had to help whoever was crying.
After much running, she finally made it to a boy around her age wearing a suit, curling himself into a ball, sobbing profoundly.
"Why are you crying?" Bronte asked, sitting down next to him on the grass.
Her family never cared to ask why she was crying, which was why she thought that maybe he’d want someone to talk to.
The boy lifted up his teary-eyed face and Bronte held back a gasp.
He appeared to be made out of porcelain, like a doll. It shocked her a little bit, yes, but she didn’t run. After all, she didn’t want to be like her family, for they were all ruled by fear.
The boy told her that his Dad was hurt and that his mean Aunt Janet was the one who was hurting him. He said that Aunt Janet was trying to hurt him and his sister, but he ended up running outside with Aunt Janet, who turned him into a doll.
He hoped that his family would be okay. That his sister was able to escape. That Dad could still be saved somehow. That Mom would fix everything.
He hoped, but he wasn’t sure.
"Don't worry. I'll help you find your family." Bronte smiled.
He had a family who wanted him, he deserved to go back home.
"You will?" He asked, a hint of joy in his otherwise sad, wispy doll-voice.
The light of her storm would take Bronte to where his family lived, and then, he would be happy again!
"Of course I will! My name is Bronte, what's yours?" She asked, feeling for the first time that she was going to make a real friend.
"Damien...Bronte, what are you doing out here?" He asked.
Bronte blinked a bit in shock, for she didn’t expect him to ask about her. Usually, she was cast out in the shadows unless her family wanted to hurt her.
But Damien wasn’t like her family.
"Oh, me? I ran away from my family." Bronte said, a smile forming on her face.
They said that she would never leave the house alive, that one day, she would die. But she didn’t! She was alive! She ran away before they could catch her!
She was better than them!
"Why would you do that? Aren't they worried about you?" Damien asked, concerned laced in his voice.
"No, they aren't. My family isn't like your family. They don’t like me." Bronte said.
It’d be nice to have a family that liked her, but Bronte was fine on her own. After she helped Damien, she would be on her way. She would try to help herself.
"Why? You're really nice. Why don’t they like you?” Damien asked.
Nice. Nice. He thought that she was nice! He liked her!
"Because I can do this." Bronte said, for the first time, unafraid to use her powers.
She clapped her hands together. It was a small, sweet sound. But then, in the blink of an eye, manifesting from magic, the thunderous clapping of a line of lightning struck, and right where it touched, there was a circle of brown grass.
Damien gazed at her in awe. Bronte appreciated that. It was better than her family scolding her to hide herself.
"Did you cause that thunderstorm to happen?" Damien asked, wide-eyed, full of surprise.
"I sure did!" Bronte beamed proudly. She was feeling the joy seep through her veins, the impact of her magic settling inside her in a positive way.
"But that's so cool! Why would your family not like you?" Damien asked.
Her family never saw Bronte’s magic the way Damien did. It was a sad truth, but at least she was away from that.
"I don't know why. Maybe because I'm different." Bronte said with a shrug.
She actually did know why, but she didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to be reminded of that life any longer. That life was done. Over with.
Damien crawled over to her and gave her something that no one in her family ever gave her.
He gave her a hug.
........................................................................
“Hey! Kids! Wake up!” An enthusiastic voice cried out.
Bronte and Damien opened their eyes to the dim, early morning sun, and an old man dressed as a ringmaster with coffee brown eyes grinning at them.
“Do you kiddos have anyone home to go to?” The man asked, his voice having a friendly cadence to it.
No, she didn’t. But she didn’t expect an adult out of all people to want to help.
“My friend Bronte doesn’t. But I do. I have family, I just don’t know where they are. My name is Damien, by the way.” Damien said.
Bronte smiled at him, grateful that he was the one doing the talking in that moment. He smiled back and again, she was reminded that she made a new friend.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you two! My name is Hunter!” The man said, sticking out a gloved hand.
Damien was the one who shook it. Bronte could only stare at Hunter in amazement, for she couldn’t believe that she was in the presence of a real life ringmaster!
“How would you like it if you kids lived in my circus?” Hunter asked with a grin.
Bronte heard about circuses before. They were places where “devil people” lived, as what mother always said. By the things mother said, it sounded like the perfect place for Bronte to live in!
“We’d love it!” Bronte and Damien said in unison.
“Great! If your family comes looking for you, Damien, I’ll give you to them. Bronte, you can go with Damien when he gets out. For now, you’ll both have to stay with me…” Hunter trailed off.
But neither child wasted any second. They each took hold of a gloved hand of Hunter’s and let him lead them both to his circus.
Bronte couldn’t be happier. She not only gained a friend, but a home.
She finally got what she always wanted.
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Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I haven't had a chance to read the other stories that take place before this so forgive me if I get something wrong. I still think my thoughts will at least brighten your day nonetheless. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall, this was a heartbreaking read. These poor kids, you really indulge in the writer's favourite pastime of traumatizing your characters. Not that I am complaining it often leads to interesting stories. However, these poor kids are going through it but at least they have their flesh so it's not all helpless.
Bronte's powers are interesting I must say. It's a lot of power for someone so small I wonder how she learned to control it. Perhaps it had something to do with those before her who also had these powers. Regardless her treatment by her family was appalling. I am glad she got out and has the world in her hands however I have a bad feeling about this Ringmaster.
Maybe it is because of your other works or horror tropes in general, but he's too friendly in a land of dark and dire stuff going down. Not to mention the fact he offered them a place to stay rather than offering to find Damien's family after hearing he has one. Something tells me that these kids aren't getting out or at least without witnessing some kind of otherworldly horror.
Speaking of Damien the idea of him being a doll is super cool. It does make me curious to check out his story as it gives me Brother's Grimm vibes. Kind of like a twisted fairytale meets Wizard of Oz and I wonder where his plot is going to go. Even for someone like me who has no context it creates a good base for a character arc.
Now that we have gone over the highlights I want to move onto the feedback. As always I am not a professional nor do you need to use anything I say. You are the author after all.
This will be short as I could only find a few small things to bring up.
There is nothing wrong with this persay but I think burned to the stake is a little off. Personally, I think changing "to" for "at" the stake would make more sense and flow better.
Lastly, I found a small typo in one line that has a very quick fix.
You mixed up the pronouns here I am pretty sure it should be His voice. Furthermore, I think the wrong tense is used as well. However, these are too easy tweaks that would read like this.
Regardless I enjoyed my time dipping into your twisted world. I hope you're doing well today and I wish you a great review day! Keep up the great work you do a lot for this community.
As always keep writing and remember to drink water!
Thank you so much! So very glad you enjoyed and yes, those kids are in for something brutal.
hello hello! It is me Sky! It feels like it has been forever since i have read one of your works, Vamp! I hope this review has found you doing well! Let's get into it shall we??
immediately when i read this i was thinking Bronte was a teenager by her thoughts of running away from her house but when I learn she is actually four years old, my heart melted! Poor Bronte Alicesin!
This girl literally have storm powers? THAT IS AWESOME. I think powers for characters is a great way to draw in an audience and the more powerful that ability is, the more intriguing the character is to the reader!
Aw why do you have to make this story so saddddd? Now I learn she does not have any toys to play with and only paper to keep her company? My heart, Vamp. You're hurting me little heart.
I absolutely love your sentence here:
It just draws it home that she doesn't even feel human anymore but just dust that will fade away from memory. It describes the raw injured love she has experienced.
The boy with a porcelain face. That is such a sight to see but it shows you also by how Bronte did not run of just how much courage and bravery this little girl has. She is much more mature in her mind than that of her age.
GASP HE IS A DOLL?
I absolutely love how some of the characters in this story are witches (for a lack of better terms). It adds so much more mystery to the story making it so much more interesting and fascinating as I continue to read.
I love this sentence. I can imagine very well in my head of how this little boy's voice now sounds in his unfortunate transformation. Very strong adjectives here.
Once again you hurt my heart, Vamp. Bronte has never been asked an honest question and is so surprised she doesn't immediately answer. Almost as if she must have misheard Damien!
I also love the fact that you don't have the characters here use such long extravagant words. It shows more of their age that they don't know a lot of words and have a limited vocabulary.
honestly i can believe this is the first genuine hug Bronte has ever received.
The fact that her parents have hurt her so much that Bronte is so sure that no other adult would be different and care about her hurts so much to read.
or dear it seems Mr. Hunter here lives to his name and does not have the best intentions for the two. Especially since he added the word 'have' as if this wasn't an option anymore.
Overall i really enjoyed reading this piece. My only personal thought bubbles of critiques is that I would suggest maybe adding more character description. While I know Bronte is four year old I do not know much about how she looks. Her family is known to have this curse, but is a dead give away (besides their name) a physical trademark such as hair color, birth mark, eye color, etc.?
What does Mr. Hunter the ringmaster look like? Is he an older man with a scruffy salt and pepper beard that covers his crooked teeth? Does he have warm eyes that mask his demeanor? Things like these could add so much more additional flavor to your wonderfully created piece here!
I will have to remember to go back and continue to read Bronte's story. Especially because I want to know where the name Poppy McLain comes in.
I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
Soar high and keep on writing!
-Sky
So glad you enjoyed!