*This story is underneath my folder titled “Adventures of Poppy and others”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1365. Enjoy!*
Alejandro McLain was a police officer. He was supposed to solve things. To fix things. That was what he did, with the help of his partners, but…
He could not find his own daughter, Poppy. She had disappeared in the middle of the night. There was no sound to wake them all up. No clues as to where she could have gone. She just wasn’t there anymore.
His wife, Olivia, was so deep in her own terror that she wasn’t speaking much to him. She never was the most social person anyway, but after Poppy was gone, the distance between them seemed greater than before. His other two kids, Jessica and Ash, both seemed to be swirling in an intense worry. He could see it in their eyes, in how they spoke.
Alejandro wanted to fix it. He wanted to mend them all. He wanted to promise that everything would be okay like he always did, that he could bring Poppy home and things would go back to normal.
But as the search went on, he got nothing.
Where could she have gone? Why would she want to leave?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,023 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
YWS is working again!!!
Hi creeper! Time for more Poppy!!
Oh I like how you phrase Alejandro’s situation! I was right there in the scene with him!
That said, I find this sentence a bit unspecific: “There was no sound to wake them all up” I wish there was a little more … not really detail… just a different phrasing, hm.
Other than that, a much appreciated insight!
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i haven't read the rest of the adventures of poppy mclain, but if this is a setup it's great. very intriguing. you introduce the mystery really well. alejandro being both her father and a police officer brings a lot of nuance and depth into the story and the dynamics since he's both got personal and impersonal reasons to find poppy. it lays the groundwork for a lot of interesting internal conflicts. great job!
Thx! :>