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12+ Violence Mature Content

The adventures of Poppy McLain-Four

by vampricone6783


The fourth story in the Poppy McLain series. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy and Happy Halloween!

I can’t believe it.

After years of running, me, Ashley and Derek are home.

I’m standing in front of the very house I had grown up in and ran from.

I knock on the front door.

Mom opens it. A small bit of shock flickers in her face, as if she can’t imagine what she’s seeing is real, but then she takes a look at Derek and returns to her usual expression of calm judgment.

The expression that annoys me.

"Poppy! You’re here! Ashley too! And…who the hell are you?" She asks, settling her judging violet eyes on Derek.

"Oh, me?  My name is Derek and I'm her boyfriend. Her normal, human boyfriend, that is.”

Wow, Derek! Way to keep a low profile! Now she won’t suspect a thing!

"Oh, it's okay. I know you're a vampire."

What? How did figure that one out? I knew that she would be suspicious, but damn. That accurate?

I should have expected it. My Mom is a siren, she has mystical powers.

Mom tells us to follow her inside and like the good kids we are, we do.

Except Derek. He has to be invited in.

"Come in, Derek." She says finally, eyes still clouded with dark judgement.

…………………………………………………….

We now have a real life vampire in our house!

"So what happened all these years?" She asks worriedly.

This question takes me aback, because I’m certain that we have only been gone for a few months.

"All these years? Mom, I'm only sixteen." I say.

Surely we hadn't been imprisoned for too long?

"No, you're twenty one." She responds.

"WHAT?!" I scream.

There is no way I’m twenty-one years old!

"Yes, you are. You didn't know that? Come, sit down and explain everything." She says.

Well, it wouldn’t kill to tell her the truth now, would it?

"Okay, Mom. It's like this...See, we ran away from here because Derek's evil witch girlfriend was trying to kill us. Then, we found this freaky school that kept supernatural kids like us imprisoned and used for experiments. Suddenly, a human-spider hybrid woman named Arachne saved us. Long story short, we're here." I explain.

Saying this stuff out loud sounds strange and unbelievable, but she knows when I’m lying and when I’m telling the truth.

I’m not lying.

She sighs deeply.

"Sweetheart, you can't stay here. Your brother, Ash, is sixteen and hates all supernatural creatures. He doesn't know who you really are. Who you all are. Your father is off site at work, so if Ash found out and tried to kill you, he wouldn't be able to stop him. As for Jessica...She is not doing well. Something happened. She got sick in the head. She's in the physiatric unit, but she'll be there for a long time. This place is not the safe home you grew up in. So get out before misfortune comes for you." Mom says all this with sad eyes.

"Mom..you can't be serious. After all we've been through.." I trail off.

"I'm serious. I don't want to do this, but it would be a greater pain to know that you're not safe." She ushers us out the door.

"WAIT!" I scream, because I don’t want to leave just yet.

"What?" She asks.

"IF we don't tell Ash the truth, THEN you'll let us stay?" I ask.

A long beat between us. Silence as heavy as the night air.

"Yes." She finally answers, the word yes a hard note in the air.

"Okay, then it's a deal." I say.

Ashley leaves to go home. Me and Derek stay.

…………………………………………………….

After a nice warm dinner, we’re lying on my bed, watching the stars on my sunroof. It‘s a beautiful night. The stars look as if they are creating a special show for anyone lucky enough to see.

Derek turns to look at me. I can smell his lavender breath and I breathe it all in.

“Do you want to make a baby?" He asks.

I blink and stiffen.

Make a baby? What is he asking? And why is he asking like this?

"Uhh..what?" I ask, just to be sure.

"Do you want to make a baby?" He repeats, eyes with a hint of nervousness.

"Umm..when did this cross your mind and why?" I ask shakily. A baby? That’s just..random.

"I don't know, I just love you and I feel like I want to love someone else too. A child. Our child. I would love to make a baby with you.We don't have to if you don't want to. It's fine." He says, again with a shaky note to his voice.

I can tell he really wants to do this. He was probably thinking about this for a long time.

I just don’t know. Have a baby with him?

Hmmm...

I think for an extremely long time. I can’t just make a snap decision. Not on something like this.

"Well?" He asks.

"Sure, why not?" I finally say.

"So..do you want to do this thing?" He asks.

"Yeah." I say.

Derek holds me in his arms…

…………………………………………………….

I wake up lying on his bare chest, the sunlight streaming through my window.

And of course, at that exact moment, my brother decided to go into my room.

Ash pales.

"Mom said you were here..I didn't think I would find you like..this." He gestures to the bed.

“Sorry. This is my boyfriend, Derek. We were spending time together. I'm sorry for running away, but..GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I yell.

Ash is still the same annoying child.

Ash leaves us. He runs down the stairs.

I’m satisfied to hear him run away.

Derek smiles at me, his fangs showing.

“If he becomes too much of a bother, I can..kill him." He grins wickedly.

"You wouldn't!" I cry.

“That's the thing, you don't know what I would and wouldn't do." He grins slyly.

…………………………………………………….

We get dressed and go downstairs. We catch up on everything while eating breakfast. Ash tells me how he’s going to wipe out all supernatural creatures. We don’t say a word.

Afterwards, me and Derek hide in the broom closet.

"Poppy, I don't know about this. Your brother is bent on getting rid of all supernatural creatures. If he finds out.." Derek trails off.

"Well..he will find out. I just don't know how to tell him because..I don't want him killing me, you, Ashley and...the future baby." I whisper.

"Then don't tell him." He says, as if it’s that easy.

"But he's my brot-"

Just then, Ash barges in.

"Are you guys talking about me?" He asks innocently.

"We...well..who is giving you orders?" I ask.

"Why, Van Death is helping kill supernatural creatures. He dresses a little funny, though.." Ash says.

Oh no. Not Van Death. That terrible man...

"Ash, I have something to tell you. Van Death kidnapped us and my friend, Ashley. I'm a..siren. I'm supernatural. Derek? Do you want to tell him?" I ask uncertainly. I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right, but telling the truth is all I can think to do at the moment.

Derek tells him about his vampirism. Ash pales, this time looking almost as pale as Derek himself. (Derek is deathly white).

Ash didn’t know this. He didn't know anything at all, until now.

“NO! IT CAN'T BE!" He screams. Then he grabs weapons from his pocket. The weapons in question are small knives, with points sharper than a needle.

Oh No. He‘s going to kill us.

We run as fast we can from Ash. I can’t believe it. After all this, he still wants to kill us.

…………………………………………………….

Even after all our senseless running, Ash catches us on the porch steps.

He raises his knives high into the sky.

"After all this..you are a monster. An abomination. A freak. You, my sister! I can't believe freaks are in my house!" He screams.

Something in his eyes does not look right.

"Stop it! I'm still the same person you grew up with! Not all people who are different are bad!" I wail in desperation, but he doesn’t listen.

I feel tears brimming in my eyes. To think that my own brother would try to kill us! To think that he would try to kill me!

Derek holds me close and I bury my face in his chest.

Death is inevitable, even if one is immortal. There is always a way to kill someone. Always.

"What on Earth are you doing? Put those weapons down, young man!" A voice yells firmly.

I look up. The voice came from..

Mom?

Ash did as he was told. He hid his weapons away in his pockets.m

"This is my fault you don’t know the truth. I should have told you. Do you want to know how Poppy is a siren? It's because of me. That's right, I'm a siren. She inherited it from me. What are you going to do, kill me? Kill me, your mother? I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU! You owe me your very existence! So don't kill your sister or her boyfriend or anyone who has been nothing but good to you. It matters not what you are, but who you are. Poppy has been there for you throughout everything. Now she gives you her secret and what do you do?! You try to kill her. Because of what somebody told you. What kind of a brother are you?!" Mom screeches.

If she had gone any farther, she may have lost her mind.

Ash hangs his head low. He hadn't thought of it that way.

"I'm sorry. Really, I am." He says quietly.

"Well, stop going to Van Death. He is a bad influence on you." Mom says simply, as if she just weren’t yelling at him for what he was about to do.

We’re safe.

We’re all safe.

Characters in Gacha Club:

Poppy:

Derek:

Ashley:


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Thu Feb 09, 2023 5:39 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey there!

I'm here for a short review since I don't have much time but i'll hopefully be able to offer some help!

I'll start with some structural/grammatical observations:

I can’t believe it.

After years of running, me, Ashley and Derek are home.

I’m standing in front of the very house I had grown up in and ran from.

I knock on the front door.

Mom opens it. A small bit of shock flickers in her face, as if she can’t imagine what she’s seeing is real, but then she takes a look at Derek and returns to her usual expression of calm judgment.

The expression that annoys me.



This part could all be one paragraph. I think you're writing style is nice and neat but more description could really pull this together. This didn't need to be separated out so much and if you wrote one fluid paragraph it would flow together much nicer!
The same goes for the rest of the story really, it's very jarring to be told in such short sentences and sections. I enjoyed the actual plot and narrative of your story, however! I must read the previous parts soon.

Still the same annoying child.

This isn't a full sentence, so you could have 'Ash is still the same annoying child' for example.

Derek tells him about his vampirism. Ash pales, this time looking almost as pale as Derek himself. (Derek is deathly white).

Ash didn’t know this. He didn't know anything at all, until now.

“NO! IT CAN'T BE!" He screams. Then he grabs weapons from his pocket. The weapons in question are small knives, with points sharper than a needle.

Oh No. He‘s going to kill us.

We run as fast we can from Ash. I can’t believe it. After all this, he still wants to kill us.



Wow, that seems like quite a sudden reaction from Ash. Maybe they should have talked more with him? I feel like this scene is exciting but it is missing something. I think you should try more vivid descriptions of the actions in this story, since everything happens so fast!

You have such a potential with writing because your ideas are awesome and you write clearly with meaning, but I'd love to get to know your characters more through description and not just telling us what they're thinking, but showing us through how they feel and react!

Keep writing! <3




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Sun Jan 08, 2023 7:45 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Aha I've found part four! It's nice to see the images at the bottom of this one. Derek doesn't look at all how I imagined, but Ashley looks exactly like I imagined!

I think the revelation that Derek's a vampire could be played up more to Poppy's mother. Poppy was clearly a bit worried about what she would think of Derek (did she tell him to lie, or did he do it on his own?) and then we brush over it like it wasn't a big concern at all, which felt a bit odd. I did like that you kept the lore about vampires needing to be invited in though, although she invited him in very quick!

It was a shock that Poppy's suddenly five years older than she thought! I expected them to talk about the time she's been gone in actual years though rather than referring to her age, but it was still a shocking plot point.

I also want to find out what's happened to Jessica, so I hope that comes back soon! I did find it odd that Poppy's brother hates the supernatural given that their mother is a siren. Or does he not care about that?

Both the baby thing and them telling Ash the truth felt a bit rushed. There's no reason for either thing to happen immediately so I think I'd like to get the impression of more time passing before either of these subjects come up. I'm sad Ash doesn't accept them but because they've been there such a short time I'm also not surprised? He's also talked down so quickly that I don't feel I get a chance to really get worried.

The plot is strong, I just think it needs to be slowed down to allow each thing to give impact.

Hope this helped!

Icy





You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote