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The adventures of Poppy McLain-Two

by vampricone6783

*Part two of my Poppy McLain series.Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy! :)


Ashley makes an abrupt stop at a roadside diner.I wake up cuddled in Derek's arms.For a moment,I freak and forget all the events that happened leading up to this.

Then I remember.I’m in an abandoned Jeep with my friend and this lovely boy because we are supernatural,and being hunted down by the all-powerful evil overlord,Chloe.

"Where are we?" I ask groggily.

"We are in the middle of nowhere.With no money,no families,and our only stop for the next two hours this Diner." Ashley answers bitterly.

"How are we going to get food if we don't have any money?" I ask.

"We steal.The food will do little to satisfy me,but maybe I can help you guys out.Oh,and Poppy?"


"If the food I steal for you and your friend doesn't help you,than maybe you are more siren than I thought." He says.

"You mean..." I trail off,afraid to say it out loud.

"You have to eat the organs of evildoers." He looks me in the eyes, searching for concern of some kind.

Little does he know that I’m not just merely concerned,  I’m disgusted.  I don’t want to eat any  organs, regardless if the person is good or not.



"Aw,come on! It's not that bad! Once you get used to hearing the screams of your..uh...food and the blood,you'll be FINE!" Derek attempts to reassure me. It’s obvious he can’t comfort people for the life of him. (Er, unlife, since he isn’t really alive).

Apparently, since I’m a siren,and Ashley is only a witch,food helps her,but no longer satisfies me.I found that out when I took a bite of an omlet.It tasted funny in my mouth,and I felt like I was going to throw up.

Now,I have to be like those sirens in greek mythology.EAT the organs of evildoers!

"JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME THINK!" I yell back at him. I’m searching for humans in the forest behind the Diner (There is a forest behind this joint). Ashley is eating a wonderful breakfast I can’t enjoy. Derek is doing a terrible job of trying to make me feel safe. I’m tired, hungry, and annoyed. I’m not really doing the best here.

Don't freak out,Poppy.All you have to do is eat some evildoer's organs.NOT bad at all,since they're evil doers.Not bad at all.Just find some really,really,REALLY bad people's organs to eat.You can do it! Yeah,you can..

"Okay..show me the VILLAINS!"  I exclaim. I sound much more confident than I feel. Maybe if I sound okay about this, I will be okay with this.

"Well,I think I already found one!" He cries out triumphantly.

He is pointing to a man shooting wild animals.In this place,it’s illegal.

But so is murder, which is illegal everywhere. I don’t want to do it.

I don’t have a choice. It’s what I have to do to survive.

I take a deep breath and sneak up behind him.

I’m getting closer..


I’m behind him.I can smell him.

NOW! I think.

But I can’t do it.It freaks me out.

"I might be able to help." Derek says.

"How?" I ask.

"I'll show you how to hunt." He answers me, a proud twinkle in his eyes. Why does he have that twinkle? Maybe I’m just seeing things. He’s only here to help.

"Now,you want to hide from view,with no one knowing you're there." Just after he says that,he completely disappears.

Like he was never there at all.

"You slowly sneak up behind them..." He’s crawling on the ground now. I can’t see him. However, I can hear him slinking by.

"And then you strike." He’s incredibly close to me now. I can smell his minty breath. Did he take breath mints earlier? How does his breath smell so nice? He definitely took breath mints. Definitely.

The man left a long time ago.It’s just us.

I feel his mouth open wide against my neck..

And he bites me. He sucks my blood.

I never got bitten by a vampire before. It feels really good. I like it.

He holds onto me. I don’t want to let go. His and my body are one,intertwining. We’re not friends. There’s not a chance that we can be friends. Not after this moment. If we were ever friends, then that has been distinguished. This is real and it’s happening now.

He jumps back in surprise.

"I don't know what came over me.I was just trying to help you,but then I bit you and your blood tasted really sweet,which didn't surprise me,because you are a sweet person.But there is just something about you.." He trails off.

"You were so close to me and I could feel your teeth grazing my neck.I knew there was no escape." I  lie. I could have easily slipped from his arms. I chose not to. I thought that maybe..it was perfect. The moment was perfect. The bite was perfect. Everything was perfect.

He looks at me,not sure where I’m going with this.

"Do it again." I demand. I want this moment to happen one more time before we get interrupted 

"You want me to...what?" He asks me, confused. Funny for the one who was biting me a moment earlier.

"I said,do it again." I walk up to him now and grab him by his gray shirt.I don't know why I’m being so bold. Something in my bones tells me to give him everything.

" You..sure? I don't want to hurt you.." He’s nervous. Why? I’ve seen worse yesterday.

"Food can wait.I want you to do it." I bring him even closer to my face. Can’t he just do it already?

"Alright then." 

He holds me tight and bites me, like from before. Only it’s better the second time.

I know he’s enjoying this.He just doesn’t want to admit it. He likes me,I can feel it. He wants to be this close to me. He wants to taste my blood.This is  giving me a thrill up my spine.Not the feeling I had when I was five years old and got a surprise princess birthday party. This moment was even more fun than that.

I don’t know what it is. It’s something else. Something more.

Just then, Ashley comes running towards us.

Great. She interrupted us. WOW!  I should have known that this moment was too good to be true.

"What are you guys doing?!" She asks.

"Nothing." I respond shyly. I’m shy now. The first time I’m shy. I haven’t been shy since I had to introduce myself in second grade. This is just wonderful! Not.

Derek  is licking his fingers now. My leftover blood is still on them.

"You didn't see anything." He (tries to) hypnotize Ashley. His eyes turn a deep black.

She rolls her eyes. 

“That doesn’t work on me, boy. I’ve seen you lovebirds. I’m gone for what, two minutes? You two are out here spending some cute time with each other when you only met yesterday! It’s ridiculous! It’s-“

We hear a car pull up in the forest. Someone must be camping here.

"Guys, Chloe is here!" Ashley yells.

"Wait, what?" I ask. How does she know it’s Chloe?


Yup, it’s Chloe. I can tell from her voice.

Before we can even run away, Chloe comes barreling towards us, her minions in tow.They are red-faced and screaming. Not Chloe. She is eerily calm.

I should kill her before she hurts us. Who knows what she’s capable of?

I run to her, not away from her.

"What are you doing?!" Ashley and Derek yell in disbelief. I ignore them and continue running to Chloe, ready to tear her into itty bitty pieces.

Then she grabs me faster than the cars in New York on  rush hour. I’m screaming hysterically as she stuffs me in a dark bag and carries me away from my companions. She’s got some incredible strength and speed, that Chloe.


I run to Poppy before she can be taken away. It’s too late. Chloe stuffs her in a bag. She and her “friends” leave. Poppy is gone.


All gone.

She’s so fun and kind..she can’t be gone..not now! This isn’t how it should end! I was just having fun with her! I like her! I-

I can still save her. Somehow.

"We're going to find Poppy and save her." I say to Ashley.

"How? We don't know where she is,and we've got nothing but a few bucks and an old Jeep." She responds.

"We're going to find her anyway.One way or another.If not,then I will live the rest of my days hearing her beautiful voice in my head,and never see her again.Ever.Because we just left her." I snap back.I don’t care what she thinks.

Poppy was taken by the heartless Chloe and I had watched with my own eyes as she tried to protect us. She (rather foolishly) put herself in the line of danger. 

Even though what she did was stupid, I can’t just leave her with Chloe. I have to do something foolish to save her. Me and Ashley have to try this together. 

"I'm her friend,and even I say it's hopeless." Ashley complains. Is that all she’s good for? Complaining? Yesterday she drove us away from Cord Arboretum in a rusty old Jeep. What’s with the wimpy attitude now?

I think she’s scared of finding her dead. I can feel fear from her body. I can see it in her eyes. I’m scared too.

We can’t be scared forever.

I’m running in the forest, with her trailing behind me as I trek through the ends of the earth to save Poppy.


"LET ME GO!" I yell. I’m tied to a chair. I can only move my mouth.

I hate being kidnapped and trapped in a creepy dark attic in some abandoned house. It really sets my attitude off on another level and not a good one.

"Hmmm..let me think..NO!"  Chloe giggles.

"NOW! Or I will end YOU!" I scream.

"You can't end me.You haven't learned the true meaning of your powers." She states.

"Why are you doing this?” I ask instead. I should at least know why she’s doing all of this.

"Because he didn't see the obvious signs.I told him that I loved him,I even kissed him to see how he would react.But instead of being mature,he just starts yelling that he would never love a girl like me.He wants his girls to be "cute" and "nice" I was "annoying" and "angry" SO WHY SHOULD I BE MATURE?” She yells.

"Wait, what did you say about Derek?" I ask. I should have Derek would have secrets. He’s a vampire, after all. He’s lived forever.

"Oh,I guess your little crush didn't tell you everything,now,did he?"  Chloe smirks.

"What do you mean he didn't tell me everything? He told me the truth! Really,he did! Derek wouldn't lie. Would he?" I ask. I don’t actually know him that well. Chloe probably does.

"That's what you think." Chole smirks.

"Let me tell you what happened:Me and Derek were the best of friends.He was always there for me when I was down,and I was there for him.We talked about life and how we would change it.He was amazing..But he didn't know that I loved him more than a friend.I told him one day,and he said that he loved me too.Boy,was I wrong.All he did was drain my life away.We started breaking rules,killing the innocent and the evil,lying to loved ones about what we did and why.I knew this relationship was wrong,but I was afraid to do anything.What if he hurt me,or worse killed my family! But then I told myself that I had to talk to him.So I did and do you want to know what he said?" Chole challenges.

I say nothing.

"He said he liked his girls "cute and nice", just like I’ve said countless times before. Times you didn’t listen. But Derek didn't love me.The guy was insane! After that conversation, he said that I'm just a friend. Some time later he said that I was more  than that. The next thing I knew, I was nothing and everyone deserved to die! So yeah, maybe I AM a little crazy! But I can't forgive him. Ever. He might hurt you.That's you were kidnapped by me. I want to protect you..really,I only want to kill him." She said.

"If you're only after Derek,then why is it that everytime you see the three of us,you scream:"ABOMBINATIONS! KILL THEM!" " I point out.

"It's called acting,sweetheart.I needed my friends to believe I was going after all of you so that they wouldn't look at me like I was ridiculous.Because they wouldn't believe me like you would.The reason you're in gags and bonds is because Derek could hurt you.I've got the scars to prove it." Chole said.

For the first time,I notice her bite marks.They are all over her neck,angry marks glistening brightly.It’s quite a sight.

Just then,Derek and Ashley come bounding in through the creaky stairs, ready to rescue me.


Derek bit Chloe. Ashley untied my bonds. Chloe is lying on the ground, unconscious.

I’m thinking about what she said. I don’t know him at all. She kept saying that he liked his girls “cute and nice”. I wouldn’t call myself any of those things, but that’s what he sees in me. Maybe he doesn’t like me for me. Maybe he only likes the ideal of a girl.

What about that moment in the forest? Was that just a fluke? Did it mean anything to him at all? Why do I care so much if he loves me or not?

I don’t know who to believe.Chole or Derek.

"COME ON POPPY,COME WITH US!" Derek yells,expasterated.

"Tell me it's not true." I say, crossing my arms.

"What do you mean?" Derek laughs nervously. That’s a red flag. He shouldn’t be scared to tell me things. Then again, we’re only acquaintances. What if he’s not ready to share his past with me? But what if his past is something so sinister that I have to know about it?

I’m so confused. I just want answers.

"Tell me that you're not insane.Tell me that you didn't make Chole do things she didn't want to do.Tell me that you didn't keep her guessing,making her question your relationship.Tell me that you didn't beat up Chole and made her feel worthless and small.Tell me that you love me,really love me,that I'm not a pawn in some game of yours." I finish, waiting for his answer.

I want to hear his words. I want to know that I can trust him. I want to know that he’s not a liar. He wouldn’t tell me if he was, of course. I just want him to reassure me. I want him to comfort me.

Ashley watches the two of us. She’s biting her nails. It’s the first time she hasn’t made a snarky remark at us. She’s just silently watching.

Derek sighs.

I wait.

Is this a review?



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229 Reviews

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Reviews: 229

Mon Jun 05, 2023 10:24 pm
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foxmaster wrote a review...

Hello this is Foxmaster!!! Oh yeah!
Sorry it took me so long to get to this chapter but I've just been busy lately and stuff so yeah! Okay, so: WHOA. What a chapter! This one was chaotic and crazy, but the tenses are still kind of iffy because they keep shifting from one to the other and that can make it kind of hard to follow along, you know? I had to reread some paragraphs just to understand a lot better.
Also, I find it unnecessary that you kept on putting the point of view, because you could have just said that it switches and not make such a big deal about it. :) Another thing I found is that I'm pretty sure "Evildoers" is one word, not "Evil Doers," because that can make the two thing kind of different if you really think about it.
Buuut that's all! Cannot wait to continue this!!!
-Foxmaster!!! The cool! TM!

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Wed Sep 21, 2022 7:14 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...


RandomTalks here with a short review!

Well, this chapter was an even crazier ride than the previous one and I honestly did not think that could be possible. It was one thing after another and I felt as if I was on a roller coaster ride hurtling towards the end. That said, I enjoyed this chapter much more than the previous one.

For one, I absolutely loved the build-up of the tension. Because of the fast pace of the story, we don't often get to enjoy the tension or anxiety or the underlying emotions of the characters. Until now, everything has been very obvious and apparent, visible from the surface. However, you broke the chain when you added a different shade to Chloe's character. It shifted the tone of the story and suddenly encouraged us to look deeper into the characters, to understand their motives and emotions. I am not sure if Chloe is completely sane or if she should be trusted at all. But in a story that has always been about following the characters on their crazy adventures, this new plot twist challenged us to take a pause and look beneath the surface of all that has been happening.

This chapter was also more consistent in its tense. It made for a smooth and easy read and I applaud you for that because I particularly find it extremely difficult to stick to the same tense when writing in the present. The narration was also more clearer, and it was easy to follow the characters and their thoughts and emotions. I was especially surprised by you decision to switch POVs mid chapter, but I think it worked really well this time. It gave us a much-needed glimpse into Derek's mind before we learn the truth about him from Chloe. Somehow it made him appear all the more traitorous to me, even though I am very much interested in hearing what he has to say in defense of himself.

The ending was again quite impactful, especially because of the confrontation between Poppy and Derek. You had built the tension quite effectively until that point and I liked how it all came together in a single moment near the end. Derek's silence spoke more than words could and I really loved the way you ended the chapter - by showing us the reaction of each character and emphasizing the silence between them. It was a powerful end that left us hanging on the thread and waiting for more.

My only criticism here would be the lack of in-between scenes. Like LadyBug said, the transitions between the scenes are a little too abrupt and rushed at times and I think is because of the lack of descriptions and world-building. You have such interesting characters and an incredibly fantastical world where crazy things keep on happening. There are so many opportunities to expand on that, to add more context and build on the world you have already established. I think if you slow down the pace at times, and focus on what is happening, why it is happening and how it is impacting the characters - it would add different dimensions to the story and make your readers feel even more connected to your characters. This article provides some effective tips in descriptive writing and I think you could benefit from some of them. I have personally found the five-sense design particularly useful while writing descriptions!

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

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Tue Sep 20, 2022 7:08 am
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LadyBug wrote a review...

Hello Vampire, Jade here to leave a quick review on your awesome story. I'll keep this short and name a few things I liked, as well as a few improvements you could make! Let's get started.

I like the imagery in this, the way you describe cravings to eat was really chilling and good. I also really like the way you describe Ashley, you convey emotion super well!

One critique I have is how there is an occasional jump between scenes. You could do a short transition, or end things less abruptly. It always jols me out of the story when you go from an action scene to one of 2 people talking.

I really like this story! Keep writing!

The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay