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16+ Violence Mature Content

The adventures of Poppy Verosisca-Six

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*Part Six of the Poppy McLain series. The main character, Poppy, is married. She was formally known as “McLain”. Her new last name is “Verosisca”. (VER-OH-SIS-CA). To my knowledge, I made up this last name. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Damien smiles. I mean, he has a permanent smile, with being a porcelain doll and all, but his smile seems to have gotten just a little bit bigger.

"How are you alive?" Bronte asks.

“It's simple. I can't die. If I crack, I get put back together."

Bronte’s eyes are rimmed with happy tears as she hugs him. My heart lifts for those kids.

"Well, it looks like we should go home. All of us." I say. It’s been a long night and going home is something we all want.

Everyone nods in agreement.

We’re going home.

………………………………………………………

Ashley went back home, as did Chloe. Then, Kaida flew to the sky, towards what she called: "Home." Arachne crawled to the depths of the Earth, which was where she lived. Victoria and Veronica took Delilah with them, to live with.

The only ones left right now are me, Derek, Carmen, Bronte, and Damien. We’re still in the woods, the five of us.

Bronte and Damien start crying. Something about their cries tells me that they have nowhere to go.

Before I can even comfort them, a woman in a pale blues dress runs to Damien from out of nowhere and hugs him fiercely.

"MY SON!" She sobs.

"Who are you?" I ask. I mean, she came out of nowhere.

The woman just shakes her head at me and carries him away. We follow them.

………………………………………………………

We’re in this very cozy looking cabin. We’re all in what looks like a sitting room. The couches here are very soft, but no soft couch will distract me from the question at hand, which is:Is this woman his mother or a child kidnapper?

Damien sits on a small couch with his new friends,Bronte and Carmen. I squeeze Derek's hand. Who isthis woman taking Damien away?

Damien blinks his eyes at the woman, as if in shock and says: “Mommy?"

The woman takes a deep breath. Her eyes are still red with tears. Now that I’m looking at her, she seems very deflated and weary. There are dark circles under her eyes and telltale signs of wrinkles.

She’s not lying. She is his mother. I can see it now. She has been searching for him for so long. She doesn’t need to say anything. I already know.

Bronte doesn’t trust her, though, and raises an eyebrow at her.

“This is my Mommy. Mommy, meet Bronte. Bronte, meet Mommy.”

The woman smiles weakly at Bronte. Bronte doesn’t smile back. Her eyes are devoid of any emotion. I can’t help but compare them to storm clouds.

"I’m Felicity. This is my son, Damien, as you know.” The woman says. Her voice is so weak, just like her face. It’s like her throat going to spilt open any moment. She points to Damien with a shaking finger.

She rests her hand at her side. Felicity opens her lips again. I didn’t notice before, but now, I can see that her lips are chapped.

“I have a daughter here, too. Ivy is her name. My husband, Edward, is not here at the moment, but he will be soon. We’ve all been looking for you, Damien. And now, I’ve finally found you. You’re finally here.”

Felicity smiles, wrinkles crinkling around her large brown eyes. From what I can tell, she’s not that old. In fact, she looks fairly young. Too young to have wrinkles.

“I missed you so much.”

Damien’s eyes light up. He jumps off the couch and runs to Felicity, hugging her closely. She kneels down and squeezes him tight, as if she doesn’t want to let go.

I know that feeling.

“Oh Mommy, I missed you too!” Damien cries out.

Bronte watches them intently. There’s something cold in her eyes. Something sour.

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I think that Damien saw the look in her eyes over Felicity’s shoulder, because the flicker of an idea blinks in them and he says:

"Can Bronte stay too? She's my new friend and she has no home to go to.”

Bronte shifts uncomfortably. Carmen wants to comfort her, I can tell, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t understand, but she wants to.

“Of course." Felicity says. Bronte hesitates at first, but then she jumps out of the couch and gives her a great big hug.

Carmen jumps off the small couch and sits next to me and Derek on the big one. She looks up at me, eyes wide and asks:

“Mommy, what do we do now?"

I don’t know. Earlier I wanted to go home, but now? I don’t feel ready to go home yet. There’s still this gnawing feeling in my chest.

Maybe talking about it will help.

So I talk about our ordeal at the circus, how we were all trapped and locked away. Felicity smiles sweetly at us and says that we can stay. I’m so grateful for her help, really I am. I never thought that I’d meet someone as kind as her again, but wow, she’s really amazing.

I wish I could repay her somehow.

“Damien? Is that you?” A voice asks. It sounds like a little girl, but with a hiss to it. Like a snake. Her S’s are especially long.

“Ivy! I missed you!"

A little girl with silver snake scales and bright red eyes runs up to him from behind the big couch and joins in on the hug. I’m so happy for them all. They’re all together.

We’re all together.

“Mommy, Daddy? Can I go play with them?" Carmen asks, pointing at the kids. She loves to play with other kids.

“Not now, sweetie. They’re having a moment. Come here. I love you.” I say gently to her. Carmen looks disappointed, but she crawls over to me and I hug her. Derek joins in by hugging the both of us.

How did I go from the unluckiest woman alive to the luckiest woman alive in a single night?

………………………………………………………

It’s the next day. We’re all sitting at this small wooden table, eating a breakfast of fried eyes. I wanted to cook the food, but Felicity insisted on doing it, so I let her. Right now, she’s still making her own breakfast.

The door knocks.

Felicity turns off the stovetop and runs to the door, opening it with eager.

From what I can tell, a rotting, maggoty corpse in a suit is standing at the front door. I can smellthe rotand decay from over here. I’m sure the others can smell it too.

I swallow hard on my eggs. We all watch closely as Felicity brings in the corpse, who has an arm hooked around hers, as if they knew each other and were in love.

Ivy and Bronte are the only unfazed ones, excluding Edward and Felicity.

“Mommy, what happened to Daddy?” Damien asks.

Felicity smiles.

“You know what zombies are, don’t you, honey?” Felicity asks.

Damien shakes his head.

“Well, it’s a dead person that is still kind of alive. Your Daddy is a zombie, but he still loves you.”

So this man is…Edward?

Edward smiles at Damien, but his teeth are filled with blood and gunk.

Damien looks a little uncomfortable, but he politely smiles back.

Carmen bites her knuckles. Her eyes have gotten all big and scared, like a deer caught in headlights. I turn to look at Derek and he nods knowingly.

“I think we really ought to get going.” I say.

With that, the three of us head out.


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557 Reviews

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Wed Jun 07, 2023 4:22 pm
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Ventomology wrote a review...



Hey there! I went back and read through 1-5 of this work to get a little more context, so I may include some stuff from previous chapters in this review.

Anyhow, let's go:

First thing: I really admire the sheer volume of work you've produced so far, and all the ideas, and just how much you've managed to get on paper with these characters specifically. Poppy and Derek have been through a lot, and it's awesome that you have so much in store for them and their family.

This can also be where you find some improvement though. Poppy gets through a heck of a lot of plot, but in very little detail, and with little change to her character. This is quite literally a story about a young woman growing up and falling in love and having a family, but I don't really see moments where Poppy has to learn and grow. Things happen to her, but she doesn't really change as a person in the process of overcoming those challenges.

Or, alternatively, you are seeing her growth, but because we spend so little time and text on each segment of this story, the moment goes by without the weight and attention that growth is due.

My next topic: word choice.

You actually do a really fantastic job of sticking to action verbs. I don't see much in the way of 'is' or 'does' in here. But I think you're at a point where you want to consider the connotation of your words. You pick some very neutral verbs ('looks' and 'sits' and the like show up fairly often, and they don't say much about the way someone looks or sits). You make up for this to some extent with adverbs and follow-up sentences, but often there is no follow-up, or you may have been told to be succinct and so you're avoiding some of that extra detail.

So: here's a little exercise you might want to try. Pick a moment or a scene in the novel and try to picture it as completely as possible- just one moment. Then take a verb like 'look' and think about how each character performs the action of looking (or how the group as a whole feels while looking). In a tense situation, there may be glares. If someone has just said something shocking, maybe they are gawked at. There are lots of words that can be used instead of 'look' that will bring new meaning and characterization to your writing.

(Don't go overboard though. The neutral verbs are useful. Think of this like vanilla in a cake recipe lol)

And my last piece: take everything I say with a grain of salt. If you try something, and it's not helping you write, then leave it. It's way more important to keep writing than to worry about what people tell you.

Great job! You're doing amazing.
-Vento




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Mon Jun 05, 2023 10:12 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Oops I totally missed a chapter! I hope this isn't too confusing in that I've just reviewed chapter seven and now I'm coming back and doing chapter six. From what I can see though, this chapter doesn't actually connect to the following one - i.e. I've not had too many spoilers from reading chapter seven so hopefully this will be ok.

I'm interested by how you choose to split up your chapters. From what I'm reading, it feels like there are lots of different scenes that are loosely connected together and that forms the novel. But to me, the start of a new chapter isn't super different from when you change scene mid chapter. It's not necessarily an issue, but I think when you're going back through and editing the novel as a whole it would be good to think about when and where you're starting new chapters and why. There needs to be a reason to start a new chapter, and that's very rarely just because of the length of the previous one.

There's a lot of reunion in this chapter and it's nice to see, but also a bit hard to keep track of! I think you lose something in the excitement and intensity of characters being reunited when it's one after another in a short space of time. Maybe the reunion with Ivy could happen at another time? Or, try to incorporate it more with the reunion with Damien's mother? As is, I think it just feels a bit repetitive.

Also, considering that a baby is born right at the beginning of the next chapter, it might be good to make reference to that at the end of this one to make more of a continuous flow.

Hope this helped!

Icy

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