*This story is underneath my folder titled “Adventures of Poppy and others”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33 [2]”. Enjoy*
Once, there was a sixteen year old girl named Arachne who was picking flowers in a meadow, because all of its bright, natural splendor was much nicer than getting teased at school for having a name that had to do with spiders. She feared the little spindly creatures just as much as her mother loved them and so, she oftentimes ran out to the meadow behind her house when school was done, so she could take in all of the cool, fresh air, the scent of the sweet flowers, the-
“I didn’t know that you liked to hang out here as well.” A voice said.
Arachne stiffened, holding the flower that she plucked even tighter in her hand. She recognized the easygoing, friendly-tinted voice as well as she knew her own skin, but why was he talking to her? Didn’t he have better things to do, like hang out with his wide group of friends? Wasn’t she too weird for him? Wasn’t he too cool for her? Why was he talking to her?
“I know that you probably don’t trust me right now. That’s alright. I get that. I just want you to know that I come here for fun at night, just so I can calm myself, you know? I get how you’d be calmed by all this, especially with everything going on. But you don’t need to worry, because I won’t make fun of you. The name’s-“
“I know what your name is, Corey.” Arachne said flatly, hoping that the impossibly good-looking boy with the pretty blue eyes would leave her alone.
She had been eyeing him ever since she was thirteen, but so had a bunch of other girls whose names weren’t Arachne and who didn’t seem to struggle with making friends and knowing what to talk about. She knew that she wouldn’t stand a chance with a handsome, admired boy like him and if a boy like him was talking to her, it was because he wanted something from her. That was as useful as she would ever be for him, realistically.
So why was he talking to her? What did he want with her? What-
“Geez, Arachne. No need to be so rude. I just want to talk.” Corey said, sitting next to her on the grass.
Why was he sitting next to her and talking to her as though he knew her personally? Sure, he had such lovely soft black hair that she dreamed of running her fingers in and sure, his voice was certainly a treat to her, but again, why was he talking to her?
“I guess you have a reason to be like that, given how people at school treat you. It’s not fair to you. At all. But you don’t need to worry with me. Out of all the girls in school, I think that you’re the cutest.” Corey said, no hint of mockery in his voice that Arachne could detect, no hidden undertone of insult that the other kids often liked to hide in “compliments”.
But did he really think that she was the cutest? Did he like her round glasses and her brown eyes and her lips that always seemed cracked no matter how much chapstick she put on? Did he really like that?
She couldn’t deny that her heart raced a little from what he said, from what he called her. Arachne’s face was reddening as she let Corey’s words bloom throughout her mind, circling throughout her thoughts.
Cute. He thought that she was really, undeniably, cute! It was such a lovely thing coming from him, something that she dreamed he’d say to her but never imagined it would actually happen…goodness, she was glad that her skin was too dark for him to notice that she was blushing!
“Your glasses bring out your eyes, make them more out to be gems. Your hair swoops down your face like a river and when I look at you, I see someone who is so wonderful that they can’t be bothered with anyone else, for they are out pursuing greater things in life.” Corey said, like it was the easiest thing in the world anyone could say.
But did he really mean it? Didn’t that sound a bit too…poetic for someone like him to say on the spot? Was she underestimating him too much? He did just say that she was cute, so why was it “too much” to believe that he thought she was the prettiest person alive?
“That’s why I feel like I can show you this place that I come to after school, a safe place that my parents don’t know about. I’ve noticed you at school and I think that you’ll be able to understand this place more than anybody else I know. I just…I want someone who understands me. School is too much, I just want to escape sometimes. Don’t you agree?” Corey asked.
Arachne put the flower down and turned around to face Corey, who had his eyebrows creased over his face, as though he was intensely thinking of her next response. He was thinking of her, he said that she would “understand”, but-
“What are you talking about? What is this place you want to show me?” Arachne asked, just to be sure.
Corey sighed, folding his hands together like he was trying to think of what to say next, paranoid about coming up with the right response, and then:
“It’s just a place where flowers grow in abundance and where anybody can be whatever they want without fear of judgement. It can’t be explained with simple words. Come on, I’ll show you.”
He got up from the ground and extended his hand towards, smiling at her the way heroes did at their Princesses in fairytales, in a sort of charming recklessness.
Life wasn’t a fairytale, though. He wasn’t telling her about what the place was and his parents didn’t know. He could be lying to her. He could be using her. He-
Or maybe he actually likes you. Doesn’t Corey look so dreamy, with the cool wind blowing his black hair, the way his smile gives him one little dimple? Don’t his blue eyes look like pools you could swim in forever? He’s going to whisk you away to a place of flowers and odd individuals, isn’t that just poetic? The both of you, going on an adventure together, without any of the adults knowing. Maybe you’ll make some friends along the way, friends who actually understand you. Maybe this is a chance to get to know Corey, the REAL Corey. Aren’t you just a tiny bit curious? Don’t you want to do something more? You don’t want to mess this up, do you, Arachne? This could be the one chance that you have with him!
"Well, what are you waiting for? Come on!" Corey said, shaking Arachne out of her thoughts.
She couldn’t help it. She had been doing nothing but running away to the meadow after school her whole life, she wanted to do something more. Something real. Something with somebody. Corey just looked too lovely, sounded too kind, to be said no to.
Arachne took his hand and together, like the destined couple running from a great evil in the fairytales she loved, they ran.
........................................................................
After what felt like a few minutes of running, they had stopped in front of a white brick building that looked to be housing a million rooms or more. Its windows were tinted, some of them even cracked. Graffiti was haphazardly scrawled on the bottom of it, so it looked like a hodgepodge of colors, but growing along the walls were snakes of lively, vibrant flowers in shades of pink, purple, and everything in between. The flowers growing along the wall gave the place a sense of endearment, as though it wanted to keep its innocence throughout the testament of time.
"What…what is this place?" Arachne asked, breathless at the sheer majesty of it all.
"It's a school for the supernatural. I found this place one day when I was thirteen years old, when I was taking a walk in the woods. I’m not supernatural myself, but the person who runs this place lets me help around with some things. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me!” Corey gushed, bouncing a little on his feet like an excited, eager child.
He clearly seemed to hold the place close to his heart, but…really? A school for the supernatural? The supernatural existed and he just so happened to “help around” with some things? Arachne felt her heart swell with joy at how picturesque it all seemed, from how the glittering sun shone amongst the green tree leaves, to the cool breeze slivering through the pastel-iridescent flowers, to the fact that her crush took her to the supernatural, but…but…
“The supernatural exist? This is their school? You work here? I…I…how is this even real? You’re not pulling some kind of elaborate prank, are you? If you are, that would be-“
“Relax, Arachne! I’m not out to get you! I just wanted to show you the supernatural school. Besides, wouldn’t this be too much work to prank you? Nobody hates anyone that much. I don’t even hate you! You’re too pure to be hated! Anyone who does hate you is crazy, okay? They’re crazy.” Corey said.
He turned around to face her, his eyes holding an intensity that said he desperately wanted her to hold on, to not run. Again, she felt a nagging sense of unpleasantness screeching inside of her, telling her to run, that it was a bad, terrible idea to follow him, but there was still that voice in her head and in her heart telling her that if she ran and it turned out to be a dreamy paradise, then not only would she have missed out on a potentially sacred moment with someone who could be her boyfriend, but she’d make herself look like someone who was incredibly ungrateful, someone who didn’t deserve any friends. The last thing she needed was for people to hate her even more, to look at her as a three-headed freak who was beneath them, who was too awful for them to be friends with.
“I know that it’s hard to believe, but you trusted me enough to follow me and I didn’t hurt you at all. Why wouldn’t you be able to trust me now? Come on, Arachne. It’ll be fun.” Corey said in his carefree voice, smiling that one-dimpled smile again.
“Yes, you’re right. It’ll be fun.” Arachne beamed, for who was she to say no to him, to question him, to doubt him?
So, without further ado, Corey led the way, Arachne pushing down any inconvenient thoughts that told her to get away, that tried to ruin her life.
She was just going to have a little adventure, no harm done. It would be full of many twists and turns, but there would be something exquisite waiting for her.
That was how all good adventures were, right?
.....................................................................
Right after Corey opened the doors, Arachne stepped inside and saw a hallway with a shiny white linoleum floor and fluorescent white lighting, exactly how it was at her regular school. The only difference was that the doors appeared to be made out of steel and the windows on the doors were foggy, too foggy for her to see into the classrooms. She couldn’t hear anything, either. It was completely silent, not even one wave of voice chimed in.
“We have to soundproof the doors and keep the windows foggy for their privacy. We don’t want anyone to get distracted by anything outside.” Corey said, as though he could hear her thoughts.
He stepped forward, waving Arachne over to follow him. She did so, doing her best to stuff away her thoughts of fear and doubt, because surely, there was a good reason for the doors. Corey wouldn’t lie to her. He wasn’t a monster, just a person. He wanted to show her something that only she could handle and she couldn’t mess it up. She couldn’t judge him unfairly.
“I told you that I found this place when I was taking a walk in the woods, right?” Corey asked, his voice echoing throughout the walls.
“Yes, you did.” Arachne replied, her own voice echoing around her as though it didn’t belong to her at all, as though spirits had claimed it. A cold shiver of doom creeping in crawled down her spine, but she ignored it. There was no need to get terrified of echoes. They were just that. Echoes. The both of them were just in a school for the supernatural. Nothing bad would happen to them because they had each other and they would be there for each other. This was possibly the beginning of something more and she wouldn’t ruin it.
“Well, as soon as I did find The Thayer School Of The Supernatural-that’s what it’s called-I decided that I’d go inside and explore it a little. You get what I’m saying, don’t you?” Corey asked, his voice swimming throughout the walls, wrapping itself around her. At least, that was what it felt like in such a place where only their voices were heard.
“I understand.” Arachne said, for if she were in his position, then of course she would want to explore it! Why, she’d never pass up the opportunity to live out her fantasies, no matter any prickle of no inside her, because no was in the way of infinite possibilities!
“I know you do. You’re the kind of person to get me. Anyway, once I got inside, I took a walk in the school. A very long walk, trying and failing to open doors, getting increasingly frustrated by the minute, but still, I found nothing. I think a few hours had passed when I started to think about giving up and going home until just when I turned around, the Principal was behind me! Well, I didn’t know that he was the Principal at the time I met him. I just thought that he was a wildly colorful crayon man! But then, he introduced himself as Van Death, the Principal-“
“I’m sorry, his name is Van Death?!” Arachne asked, for seriously, how could someone be named…Van Death?!
“Yes, I know it’s a strange name, but it’s just a name. It doesn’t mean anything about him personally. I mean, your name is Arachne and it’s not like you’re a spider or anything.” Corey said with a laugh, his laugh strangely sounding like a cackle with the echoing walls.
Yes, that’s right. Names are just names. They don’t define who we are. It’s stupid to judge someone off of their name. Why did I even ask that?
“As I was saying, Van Death offered to show me around, to which I accepted and as he opened the doors to the classrooms and had me wave to people, he told me that even though I was human, he could still see the spirit of adventure and vigor in my eyes and that I’d be useful with helping around! He told me to find people who have a similar spirit of whimsy who could help out and that’s where you come in! You and I can work together to strengthen the bond between humans and monsters! Once we’re done with our work here, we can tell the whole world about the monsters and then everything will be made peaceful and fantastical, just like it should be! Doesn’t that all sound marvelous?” Corey grinned, stopping in front of a built-in-the-wall red tube hole slide at the end of the hallway.
“I…I guess.” Arachne said, for really, what else was she supposed to say? He had revealed something that sounded like a grand plan, his voice sounded much more…more excited than she was used to, so she tried to keep her response as polite as possible.
But he had a good reason for how he was acting, right? Corey wouldn’t go through all that trouble to hurt her, right? Right?
“You guess? You guess?! Arachne, that’s no real answer! But don’t worry, you’ll be more certain after you meet Van Death.” Corey said, pushing her down the slide faster than how they ran.
Arachne screamed, reaching out towards nothing, surprised that Corey had suddenly pushed her down the slide.
But he had a good reason for it, didn’t he? There was always a good reason.
........................................................................
After much screaming down the slide, Arachne had finally landed sitting in the floor of a room that had a large oak desk with scattered papers, a window that took up the whole wall and showed the glittering sun on a pale-blue sky, framed by red velvet curtains and behind that desk was a black leather armchair, of which an insanely pale man sat, a man with bright blond hair that was so bright it almost looked white, who had ghostly blue eyes ringed by purple-pink eyeshadow, who wore clothes that were a hodgepodge of rainbow-crayon colors, childish colors, colors that didn’t make sense with his sheer paleness.
The man sat up from the seat and grinned at her with a smile that was so white she wouldn’t be able to recognize it as a smile if it weren’t for the red lipstick he was wearing.
“Welcome, Arachne! I’m the Principal, Van Death! Corey has told me so much about you! You’re absolutely amazing and for that, I think you’ll feel right at home here. But first,” Van Death said, raising one finger as if to solidify that fact. His fingers were long and thin, more like claws.
Arachne watched as Van Death giddily skipped and twirled away from his chair, seeming to pay no mind to how his big pink boots clip-clomped on the hardwood floor.
He certainly didn’t act like the Principal at her school, but maybe that was his charm. Maybe, his eccentricities were what made him all the more human. Arachne herself was avoided because of her differences and so, it’d be very very cruel to judge him. Was Van Death weird? Yes. But she only just met him. There was so much more time to learn about him!
“A cupcake for you.” Van Death said, stopping at a small brown circle table and picking up a white plate of chocolate cupcakes, covered in broken-up brownie pieces.
He then skipped and twirled towards Arachne, extending the plate over to her when he was done bouncing across the room.
Arachne stared at the plate of cupcakes, raising an eyebrow. She was supposed to just go ahead and accept a cupcake like it was nothing? From a complete stranger? What if it was poisoned? What-
What happened to not judging people, Arachne? Didn’t you just tell yourself that you weren’t going to unfairly judge? Look at you now, already thinking the worst! Not everybody is out to get you, you know. Just take the cupcake already! It looks so creamy and it probably tastes even more like Heaven. Come on, when was the last time you ate today? You only had lunch and THAT was just a tinfoil wrapped cold cheese sandwich and some orange slices. Isn’t that just pitiful? Don’t you want something better? Come on now, take a cupcake!
Arachne accepted one of the cupcakes and bit into it, smiling once she tasted the creamy icing, the chunky brownies, the crunchy Oreo. Yes, there were Oreos in the cupcakes! Why, Van Death must have spent a long time making something that good!
“Have as many as you like. You’re going to need to eat something while I talk.” Van Death beamed, handing the plate to her.
She stood up from the ground with the plate, glad to have it all to herself. She had never been given any treats by people who weren’t her family, so it was nice to know that a stranger cared enough about her to do that. Plus, the cupcake she ate was done in two bites! It was hardly anything! She had to eat more to really appreciate the flavor!
“See, this place does hold the supernatural, but it’s not a school. It’s more of a healing environment, where me and Corey work to find ways to make them human, so that they will be perfect, what they are supposed to be. I explained all of that to him already and he was more than happy to help others.” Van Death said as he walked toward the window, towards the sunlight.
So it wasn’t a school, but a “healing environment”? Did the supernaturals there like being turned human? Did they ask for it? Did-
No negative thoughts. Eat your cupcakes.
“But one day, people are going to run into this place. They’re going to discover me and Corey, what we do and I need to be prepared. I need a monster to guard this place, but a monster with the intellect and spirit of a human.” Van Death said.
What did he mean, a monster with “human intellect”? Where was he going at? Where-was he getting smaller? His bones were shaping itself to be that of a girl, his hair was getting longer, his skin was turning darker…he…he…
No longer was she looking at a pale man in hideously bright colors, but a girl with cinnamon-toned skin and long, black hair that had dyed red hair highlights, wearing a pastel green dress that ended at her knees, that had short ruffle sleeves. Her shoes were white flats that had white ribbon straps criss-crossing her legs, her white bow clipped in the back of her hair matching.
The girl turned around to look at her with caramel eyes surrounded by lacey black eyelashes. She smiled at Arachne and that was when Arachne knew from the shine in her eyes and the gentleness of her lips that she was a teenager, just like her.
Yet, there was a hint of something more in her eyes, something greater, something that she didn’t see in the eyes of Corey.
“My real name is Chloe Thayer and I am a witch. I can shapeshift. No, Corey doesn’t know who I really am and I prefer to keep it that way. In my last somewhat normal life, I wasn’t taken seriously. I had power, but was looked down upon. Looked at as a joke. You know how that is, don’t you, Arachne? To be laughed at? Corey told me all about it. It’s awful, isn’t it? We know we are so much more, but still…people dare to make fun of us.” Chloe said.
She turned around to fully face Arachne, shaking her head softly. Chloe laughed a little, but there was a hollowness to her laugh, an emptiness just like the hallway, just like the slide Corey pushed her down.
“Now I can do so much more with my powers! Now I can be whoever I want to be! I’ve created this place to trap the vampire boy who had the audacity to say no to me! To not pick me! I’ve caught many monsters before, but he is the one who matters! He’ll come soon and I need to be prepared. I need a soldier to keep him locked up here forever! Someone who won’t be weak like Corey, but not mindless like the other monsters! Someone like you! Those cupcakes you ate? They will make you something more!” Chloe cackled shrilly, her caramel eyes glinting dangerously in the sunlight.
Arachne felt the taste of the chocolate cupcakes developing into a sour, medicine-like aftertaste in her mouth. She dropped the plate, but it was too late. Only three cupcakes were left. She ate most of them.
“Have no fear, Arachne! I’ll let you out when the time is right!” Chloe cried out, walking backwards towards the desk and pressing a small black button on the desk that Arachne thought was an oak spot on the surface.
In a matter of seconds, the floor under Arachne broke and down, she went.
………………………………………………………………………..
Arachne didn’t quite fall down, for even though the floor under her opened up, she was only in a room overflowing with dirt, like a tank, but she wasn’t falling into infinite space. The dirt was what cushioned her fall and soon, all that she could see after the floor she was standing on closed up right before her eyes.
But she could still see her own body. She could still see how the lower half of her body split into six extra legs that grew along with her already there two legs until they were needle-like gray sticks that bent at odd angles and had tiny white flecks of hair on them, how her hands had morphed into chunky gray claws, how her brown skin was turning gray, her brown hair was turning black, how she seemed to be growing, growing…and…though she couldn’t see it…she could still feel her teeth sharpening like long, pointed claws…like Chloe’s form as Van Death…
Look at you now, Arachne. You’re turning into a monster and by the looks of it, a spider monster. How do you like that, huh? Turning into your biggest fear. All because you wanted some adventure. You couldn’t resist a moment with Corey, couldn’t resist eating the cupcake, could you? No, you couldn’t and now you’ll have to be some witch’s guard dog for the rest of your life. You know, Corey may not know Chloe’s real identity and the fact that she started this place to trap her little vampire crush, but he does know that monsters are being made to become human! Maybe they’re being tortured, just like you! He also brought you over to Chloe. He put you in danger. All he doesn’t know is her true identity, so there’s a good chance he brought you here knowing that you’d be turned into this…reduced to a creature that’s told when to kill…when to run…who to attack…other than that, you’ll spend your whole life in this prison…way to go, Arachne…way to-
BANG!
Arachne looked up, startled by the noise. On the ceiling above her, there was a small dent near where her legs were. She could feel a throbbing pain in a few of her legs, like she had hit them against something. Had she?
Arachne pushed her legs against the ceiling, just to be sure and then-
BANG!
Another small dent on the wall, a little bit bigger than the other one, but still not big enough to get out.
It was still a dent, though. It still did its damage.
A smile crept up Arachne’s lips. Never mind that she was trapped in a dirt prison with a ceiling so insanely close to her, she was alive! What was more was that Chloe turned her into a monster! If Arachne could create dents on the ceiling with her legs, then maybe she could make cracks! Maybe she could get out! Maybe she could free all the other monsters and kill Chloe and Corey! Maybe it wasn’t completely hopeless! Maybe-
One step at a time, Arachne. You have to save yourself first.
Yes, yes. Saving herself was more important. Then she’d figure out what to do after that.
Though she felt terrible for doing something so foolish as to trust Corey in the first place, there was a surge of glee in her upon seeing those dents. She wasn’t going to be trapped. It wasn’t the end of the world. In fact, when she got out, she’d be a lot more careful on who to trust. She’d protect herself better, which would be easy for her to do, given she had a new monster spider body.
She was going to get out, because Arachne wasn’t going to let herself be trapped. She was going to try as long as it took and then, when the ceiling finally opened up to freedom…
The witch and the boy were going to pay. Especially the boy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hnng another story where a character gets bullied for absolutely no reason. Why does this always feel so realll?
I don’t get a good vibe from Corey. He seems condescending.
I also appreciate you describing Arachne through his dialogue. That’s a neat way to do it!
Oh I like that Corey himself isn’t supernatural but still helps out. Great explanation. Let’s see what this school is all about. I still don’t really like Corey. Something rubs me the wrong way about him.
Also… what does it say abt me that I have read so many of your stories that Arachne’s freak out about the supernatural existing strikes me as super odd xd
I love that description “his voice swimming throughout the walls, wrapping itself around her.”
And I’m getting worse and worse vibes from him. Good ppl rarely cackle….
Hmm I actually wouldn’t have thought anything of being offered cupcakes. They are probably dangerous or something but these ppl would have totally gotten me with them xd
CHLOE! I know her! From the previous story! It’s all coming together! I also… hm wonder about her plan. Because she already has non-humans she’s trying to fix. Why not ask one of them to guard the place?
Okay nvm she doesn’t want to help them. She wants to… trap Derek? Ah this is turning real bad.
Oh the body horror! And the greatest fear too!
I love her spirit tho. You go and get Chloe! I never liked her! And well, it’s fine if she wants to get revenge on Corey too xd
lol thanks for reading ^v^
Your story totally pulls me in right from the start. Arachne is this perfect mix of vulnerable and strong, someone you want to root for immediately. I love how you show her discomfort with her name and the teasing at school—it makes her feel so real. And then the meadow scene? It’s like a breath of fresh air (literally) after all that tension, which sets up this beautiful contrast when Corey steps in. You did a neat job making me feel all the questions swirling in Arachne’s head, like why would someone like Corey even talk to her? That internal dialogue is the heart of the story, and you nailed that nervous excitement mixed with caution.
When Corey appears, he feels like a real person—charming but with enough mystery to keep me guessing. His way of talking is casual, but sometimes it dips a bit into sounding like he’s reciting a speech. A little tweak here and there, like adding some hesitant pauses or more informal language, could make his voice even more believable. You want us to feel he’s just a regular teen with something special, not a walking poetry book. But hey, his compliments are sweet—his description of Arachne’s glasses and hair was a lovely touch. It was such a nice moment when she blushes, and you keep that quiet enough that it’s believable she wants to hide it, which feels natural.
The supernatural school is a fantastic setting! I can almost smell the flowers creeping up the walls and feel the odd silence in those foggy classrooms. The way you describe the graffiti and the cracked windows gives this vibe of a place that’s a little rough around the edges but full of secrets—like a hidden world right under the surface of normal life. When Corey explains the school, the mix of normal school elements and supernatural mystery hits just right.
Then comes Van Death, or should I say Chloe—what a reveal! The name itself is bananas in the best way, and the way you describe the transformation from the colorful old man to the witch with caramel eyes is vivid and surprising. It’s creepy and magical all at once, exactly the kind of twist I didn’t see coming. Plus, giving her this weird charm—skipping around, bright clothes, the cupcake offer—makes her feel unpredictable and a bit unhinged, which amps up the tension perfectly.
Speaking of cupcakes, that moment where the sweet treat turns sour in Arachne’s mouth is super effective. Food as a symbol of temptation and danger? Classic move, and you do it well. It’s believable that Arachne, starving and hopeful, would take the cupcakes despite her doubts, which makes her fall into the trap more tragic—and more real. The whole transformation scene where she turns into the spider monster is intense and symbolic; turning into what you fear the most because you trusted the wrong person? That’s deliciously cruel and fitting for her story.
What really got me was how you balanced Arachne’s fear and hope all the way to the end. She’s terrified but also determined—her punching those dents in the ceiling feels like a promise to herself and the reader that she’s not done yet. That mix of hopelessness and defiant courage is exactly what keeps me hooked and wanting to see what happens next.
A few small things to keep polishing: some paragraphs run a bit long, especially with dialogue and internal thoughts squished together. Breaking those up will help the story breathe and keep the pacing sharp—like giving the reader little chances to catch their breath between suspenseful moments. Also, sprinkling in more showing instead of telling would punch up the emotions. For example, instead of saying her heart “swelled with joy,” maybe describe her chest tightening, breath hitching, or a shy smile tugging at her lips. Little physical cues can make feelings hit harder.
Corey’s role is intriguing but a bit unclear. Is he really just a nice guy who doesn’t know the full story, or is there more to him? Adding subtle hints to his feelings or inner conflict would make him feel three-dimensional instead of just a plot device. And since you’ve built up Arachne’s fear of spiders and the teasing she faces, maybe weaving in a bit more about how she feels about becoming this spider monster—her mental struggle with her new form—could give the story an even richer emotional layer.
Lastly, the tone jumps a bit between warm and eerie, which is cool, but smoothing those transitions with sensory details—like a sudden chill in the air or the faint smell of something rotten before the darker parts—can guide the reader’s feelings more naturally.
All in all, this story is bananas—in the best way! It’s got heart, mystery, danger, and that perfect mix of sweetness and darkness that keeps me wanting to turn the page. Keep pushing Arachne’s journey forward, and you’re going to have something unforgettable here.
The same stories that I linked to you on Kaida%u2019s story also connect to this one.
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!
Also, Corey is not innocent. He knew what would become of Arachne.