*This song/poem is under my folder “Josefina’s desires”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=135. Enjoy!*
Caspar Colavecch
He lived a happy life
Cared for those around him
And later on, for Beverly, his wife
He never expected to go to war
To have to leave his family behind
He didn’t want to die
He wanted to come back alive
But he fought for what he believed in
Just to do what was right
Even though back at home
Tears trickled down from his beloved wife
For when Beverly Conti became Beverly Colavecch
She never dreamed that Caspar would bleed away
Oh Beverly, protect Suzanne
Make sure she does not go astray
For you can make things better
It will all be better
Dream of Caspar
And let yourself know that he is always there
Always
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Here to get this out of the green room!
You describe Caspar as a caring man who cherished those people close to him very much, including his wife, Beverly. This adds importance and meaning to his decision to fight in a war.
What I especially enjoyed about the poem is that you portray him as someone who didn't want to die and leave his family but fought for what he considered right. In my opinion, this made him look like a real person instead of a typical fictional character that takes part in a war.
What caught my eye is that these lines revealed the personal aspect of the war. Caspar isn't portrayed as a man who would want to be a hero – all he needed was to survive and return home.
It is nice how you made a transition from Caspar to his wife and added a little bit about his death. Particularly, "Dream of Caspar / And let yourself know that he is always there / Always" made the poem more sentimental.
I have no suggestions that don’t go along the lines with what 4evgreen said. This is a lovely poem!
oo you are blessing us with two pieces on this fine day, amazing!
This is a very good narrative poem. You tell the story of Casper in a way that not only builds his character but also blends in some historical tragedy. It reads more like a ballad! There is some semblance of a rhyme scheme, and I think if you stuck to one consistently throughout the poem, it would elevate the piece even more.
Casper is painted not as some war hero, but as an everyday, normal man who valued his family over glory. He only fought because he had a sense of duty. Introducing Beverly in these lines:
Was a really clever way to show how his love and sacrifice hurt his wife and family, how he wouldn't have done this if he had a choice.
Maybe you could find a synonym here since you say better twice in a row!
Have a nice day!