*This is under my folder titled “Josefina’s desires”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
“One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!”
The general continued his chant as they all marched, the rain flecking in Caspar’s eyes with hints of mud.
His bones ached, his body screamed for warmth, but to the sound of the general’s chant, he kept marching on.
It was honorable, it was right.
He’d get to keep his life.
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139,291 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Yes, there is atmosphere here. Rain flecking in Caspar’s eyes, mud, aching bones, the want of warmth... these are all dependable ingredients in the stew of wartime fiction, and you deploy them competently. All of this is fine. It does what it does. The story begins marching toward something, as all good stories do.
Caspar marches because he must; he hurts because war hurts; he lives because the story says he will. There is no turn, no spark that lifts this from vignette into story. I cannot help but wonder why we are being told this. But the curtain rises only to reveal nothing happening. It promises something, somewhere, somehow, but the promise is never cashed. It is told that is "honorable, it [is] right," and that Caspar "would get to keep his life." These are weighty claims, but they are left floating in the mist with no support beams beneath them. Why is this honorable? What idea of "right" girds his resolve? What is the cost of this promised life he gets to keep?
There could be more details in your folder, but the folder is not this story. Nothing separates Caspar from every other anonymous footsoldier slogging through fictional rain. There are many of those after all... So why him? Who is he at his core that makes him important in your story here or otherwise outside?
Okay a really short snippet. Hmmm so it seems like Casper was called into battle some time after the birth of his daughter.
I like your description of how exhausting this entire thing is but that he finds motivation in the chant. I also find it extremely intriguing that he describes it as honourable and right in narration but then comes the italics part and oh boy, I do feel for him. Now I’m rly curious abt the rest of these stories!