*This story is underneath my folder titled “Josefina’s desires”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Dayna floated towards Josefina, the legless ghost woman who had taken her away. She took Dayna, and a few other kids, to an old, decaying home painted pink on the outside, built like a life-sized dollhouse.
She acted like a “mother” to the kids, singing them songs, putting them to bed, whispering words of comfort.
It would have been peaceful, had their lives not been stolen.
Perhaps Josefina needed only one thing to put her soul to rest.
Dayna hugged her, thinking of moments past, when she was alive, when she was with her family, when nothing mattered to her.
Josefina hugged back. Surprisingly, she wasn’t cold, but warm, like a living person.
Everything felt much lighter, the scent of flowers was in the air…
When they let go, they found themselves in a field of flowers, the sky painted a bird-like blue.
All around them were the children, free to roam, free to be.
Josefina grinned at Dayna, an expression of gratitude.
They had all ascended to Heaven.
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Canary word: Present
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well looks like Josefina's out there trying to help out other kids since all the horrors that went down for her in that place with that horrible creature if I am remembering that previous story correctly. She was definitely doing her best to try and help people out, being the only one that really know just how horribly things could go in this house and it seems having tracked down a rough idea of everything that led to it too. Now it seems she's not so focused on finding the truth and more content just to help.
Well looks like Josefina's out there trying to help out other kids since all the horrors that went down for her in that place with that horrible creature if I am remembering that previous story correctly. She was definitely doing her best to try and help people out, being the only one that really know just how horribly things could go in this house and it seems having tracked down a rough idea of everything that led to it too. Now it seems she's not so focused on finding the truth and more content just to help.
Well this is a lovely moment to end on here. Looks like through all that horror that Josefina and the kids had to go through. Those really were fairly gruesome murders there to go through, so I am quite glad to have a little follow up to that where they do end up getting the nice life that they all very much deserve to get and being able to finally have some peace away from that horrifying house and things that it would do. I think Josefina most of all deserves to finally be free of that place.
Overall another wonderfully wholesome little piece. Really enjoyed it, I always love seeing things work out for the people who got so horribly wronged there.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hi, Vamp! Here to review your work in the most common way of reviewing literary works.
"Dayna and the Ghost Mother" is a moving and beautifully written short story that delves into themes of loss, redemption, and afterlife. The story follows Dayna, a young girl kidnapped by a legless ghost named Josefina, who becomes a mother figure to her and the other children in an ethereal, decaying pink dollhouse.
Plot and structure:
The plot is tightly wound, having a defined beginning, middle, and end. It begins with Dayna's abduction and introduces the ghostly babysitter Josefina, who, despite her spectral appearance, creates a nurturing environment for the children. The climax comes when Dayna, out of compassion, hugs Josefina, resulting in a transforming resolution in which they all find themselves in a lovely field of flowers.
Strengths:
One of the story's strong points is its emotional depth. The bond between Dayna and Josefina is brilliantly depicted, and the ending is both rewarding and inspiring. The vivid visuals and atmospheric descriptions deepen the reader's absorption in the story. Furthermore, the story's length is appropriate for a short story, resulting in a comprehensive and captivating plot without excessive frills.
Weaknesses:
While the novel is well-written, some readers may want for more information about Josefina's character and the events that led to her ghostly existence. Expanding on her backstory could add another degree of complexity to the story. Furthermore, the shift to the celestial field, while gorgeous, is abrupt and might benefit from a bit more buildup.
Conclusion:
"Dayna and the Ghost Mother" is a moving and thought-provoking narrative that blends otherworldly aspects with deep human emotions. The friendship between Dayna and Josefina, the rich descriptions, and the upbeat ending make this a remarkable read. The story's treatment of subjects such as atonement, forgiveness, and the afterlife is handled sensitively and gracefully, leaving an impression on the reader. It's a beautifully crafted story about the power of love and the potential of eternal peace.
Josefina%u2019s backstory, titled %u201CJosefina%u2019s only wish%u201D, is under my folder titled %u201CJosefina%u2019s desires%u201D, in case you are interested in reading.
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!