*This story is underneath my folder titled “Josefina’s desires”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
All around him, men screamed for their freedom. They screamed for their families. They screamed for their mothers.
Caspar watched as the world fell to darkness, as his body became consumed by dirt and death. The bullets were sinking into his body, tearing him from the inside out.
All around him, his comrades were dying, and he couldn’t even get up to finish the job. He had to get up…fight for what was right…
But what was right? War wasn’t the answer, love solved all. So where was the love? Why did people fall to their rage? What was worth it? What about his daughter, Suzanne and his wife, Beverly? Would they remember him as a hero or a monster?
As Caspar felt his eyelids grow heavy, one thought screeched in his mind, blared in his brain:
Did he deserve to die?
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
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Hey creeperfeverdreams! I'm back with another review.
This was probably my favorite line in this story. The "world [falling] to darkness" is an excellent personification and description, and "consumed by dirt and death" has a similar effect - connecting these large, abstract concepts to real, tangible events is an excellent way to describe the grandiose battle that's taking place.I really enjoy reviewing short pieces of writing because I feel like I can delve into much more detail than with longer chapters or short stories. Overall, I think the bones of this story are good -- the imagery of screaming, torment, and darkness, and then a moment of suspense where the MC wonders what it was all for, followed by a dramatic death scene. It's a well-executed idea that feels appropriately balanced and intriguing.
I'm a little confused by this sentence. The sentence before said that the bullets were sinking into Caspar's body, so it's hard for me to imagine that Caspar is even capable of standing up. Besides that, in the context of this sentence, "finish the job" seems to mean that he would kill the rest of his comrades, and I assume that's not what you mean.
Forgive my saying so, but this seems a little simplistic for a grand revelation as Caspar is on the brink of death. I think I understand what you're going for, but I think it might be better expressed as "He had fought for so long, killed so many, and for what? Fighting at war hadn't resolved the despair in his heart. It hadn't mended the divide between different groups of people. The only way he had ever seen that divide crossed was by connection, relationships, love." I'm sure it could be fleshed out even beyond that (and put in your own voice), but I hope that helps explain what I'm getting at.
I found this to be a very interesting ending. It ties nicely into the despair that Caspar expressed earlier, and leaves the reader wondering about the deeper themes -- is it fair that soldiers die in wars that they didn't start? Is it worth it to give your life for your country? If we consider all the lives lost at war, is it ever worth it to wage war? These questions are very important, and explored successfully even in such a short work.
Overall I found this to be a very enjoyable read! I hope that my thoughts were helpful to you. If you have any questions feel free to let me know!
Atticus
Oh thanks, I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this! ^v^
Nvm decided to check this one out after all because I do find Casper’s storyline intriguing.
Oh maan last time we saw him train but ofc, it can’t go well.
Oh nooo “he couldn’t even get up to finish the job” argh just having to read that, like, he’s already dying and that’s what his mind clings to.
I was a bit afraid that Suzanne and Beverly perished in the chapters I skipped but at least they seem to be around still. I assume he was called to war bc they were threatened (by the enemy)?
And ugh this is so much worse bc in the last story Casper was hoping to get to keep his life ☹ Now I’m sad! ☹ ☹
I'm the wrong person to ask abt ratings so uuhhh
Yeah Suzanne will never meet her Dad