Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Welcome Home
Love's a killer
A psychopathic memory
Void of empathy
It's a burning match
Ten seconds from making love
To a kerosene lamp
Fallen...Broken...
Burnt
Love is poisonous
A king cobra
Striking back
Stinging
Teeth dug through flesh
Injecting venom into my soul
Love is loud
A lions roar
Shattering through silence while it
Mauls the innocence of peace
Slowly crushing it's prey
With the pressure between two vices
Love is death
A crippling fear that death himself
Is sharpening his sword just for you
Your name is carved into his charcoal heart
You were born
Just to be killed
And with rotted maggots for his sinister smile,
He welcomes even the most cautious traveler's to their pre-chosen seat in hell.
Pulse
Skinned alive
Only beating, breathing, dying
Time
A clock upon the wall, ticking
Down to the hours, minutes, seconds
Pulse
Burned alive
Love
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hey there! Hadj here to review your poems! (GO TEAM BLACK!)
REVIEW OF WELCOME HOME
Nitpicks
My only nitpick is the lack of punctuation.
Doesn't really make sense, try
Of course, punctuation in verse is optional, but I would recommend it in certain areas to provide further clarity for the reader.
Criticism
Your repetition was great, but I was bothered by the fact that only the first stanza didn't actually begin with "Love is". I would recommend including into the first stanza and dropping another one of your lines.
I also would have enjoyed a greater sense of rhythm to increase the momentum of the poem.
Praise
Overall, AMAZING work. I loved the last two lines especially. Great imagery and great poetry!
REVIEW OF PULSE
Analysis
Very interesting poem. I am guessing you are trying to use a metaphor comparing love, and pulse. Both are timely, and limited. However, the first part contradicts my theory, because pain isn't really connected with a pulse. So I decided really this is just a poem about love, and that the "pulse" is just one of several metaphors used.
Criticism
I was bothered by the lack of consistency.
I think it would flow nicer if you removed the line , so that the area after "Skinned alive", matched the area after "Time"
Praise
That aside (and really that's a minor complaint), I really enjoyed this. It was a bit perplexing, and very dark, but it was original and powerful.
After reading "Andrew", I have a feeling these poems are connected to it, and I foresee a dark turn in that story.
Great work on both of your poems, and keep on writing!
Hadj
Holy hell! My type of poem! It's darkly delicious (my type of meal XD) This was amazing, it's like you had took the exact definition of love from my thoughts, and written them on paper! I agreed with every word every emotion, and it kept me engaged, which is amazing! I love how you wrote
Love is a killer
Love is poisonous
Love is loud
Love is death
All true, each descriptive word makes you feel that jabbing pain love makes you feel. Your imagery was completely spot on and flawless, just beautiful! Death sharpening his blade just for you, with maggots as his smile, born just to be killed... Amazing! I was overwhelmed by the excruciating agony that gnawed at the back of my head, there is no word to described how much I enjoyed this poem, Love it Great job, I seriously can't wait to read more! And rock on!
Thank you very much! I really appreciate it
I have a couple more. Once I knock out this review thing they have going on Sunday, I'll have plenty more poems to post up just like this.
Awesome! Thank you so much, and also no problem!
A bit too dark for my liking although I am guessing that's what you were aiming for. Nicely written and the picture you were trying to portray easily comes across and seems to be from personal experience. Looking forward to more of these