Two words, a mesh of one wide world
The trees and calls of the wild forest,
The harp of the cities cars and buildings,
Curiosity runs through your veins.
A world beckons,
Calling you,
It's your destiny.
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140,216 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hellooo.
So there are two things that I liked immediately about this poem. The length, and the title.
The short length of the poem makes it better, I think, but it's one of those poems which would work either way. I personally have no problem with the punctuation.
Only one leeetle thing
"The harp of the cities cars and buildings,"
City's
I loved the poem's theme.
This is an extremely short review. Sorry for that, but the poem was short so..
Good job.
Rating: 7.5/10
Hassan
Hey anon! I'm gonna sneak in a couple of reviews today, so I thought I'd review your poems!
So this poem is pretty simple, but it's quite powerful in a way.
I think there could be more added to this however. It's a little hard to review because it's good ^^
So there aren't any specified stanzas, but I'm not sure how these things correlate.
I think punctuation is throwing me off here.
"Two words; a mesh of a wide world
with trees and call of the wild forest;
The harp of the city's cars and buildings, and
curiosity runs through your veins"
Something along those lines...just work on that ^^
I feel this should've ended more with a bang than it did. You barely give us any information, and then you end with "it's your destiny."
well, why is it our destiny? maybe give us more reasons there. Also, you could use more imagery in the poem to create a greater emotion or need to follow our calling, since it is our destiny.
There is a lot that could be worked on, but I feel you have an excellent start!
The message is clear, but if you enhance what you've got here, you could really be more powerful in the poem.
Keep writing!
~Thewriter13
[quoteHey, yo, anonymousx! Strangelove here on this rainy Review Day and I have a review for you!
Pardon me, this may be a little bit rusty as I haven't done a review in a while. Since you are my teammate, I haven't read any of your poetry, and this is a Green Room work, why not start here?
Before I get onto problems, let me start with the good stuff. This work works well due to its simplicity yet meaning that can be related to. I took it as the meaning is that "your destiny is to travel among the world, forest and cities". It's personally a goal of mine, so I felt that. It did make me smile that the message is delivered straightforward without any over-explaining done. The vocab is simple, also. I enjoy the simplicity of it overall.
Though, simplicity isn't always the world's best thing. To go broader and expand can make this even better, but that would be a hard thing to do as anything can go wrong there. I would be happy if there was more, but this is just fine. The flow can get pretty awkward from the middle towards the end, as it somewhat jumbles up. Especially the line
That feels awkward to me, and also feels generic. Though, this is nothing to worry about since the final product is just fine.
Overall, good job.
Strangelove gives you...
7.1/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
hi,
its small and perfect. you have summarized destiny.
kudos to you.
do check my 1st poem at- The first betrayal
and write a review.
keep writing ...