Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
White dress, blood like paint on my hands.
Your heart squeezed cold, bruises in your past,
and you'll have to pry my heart from my cold lifeless stone hands before you ever get it back.
The final drops of your love, the bitter taste of your heart.
The haunting melodies just a sin on my tongue
The lies just a play of words
Devils hands sing a song never sung in my soul
Now the bitter twangs of the past clutch and don't let go
Sweet lips melt the skin,
passionate, smooth whispers haunt the angels in the clouds
Old age heals the wounds.
I'm building my heart back up again.
A brick, colored red, cold with your blood
a sweet taste of love all over again
stone fingers gripping the past
hell would have to freeze over before you ever get it back
and I'm letting it go into the abyss
and I'm moving on to the other side of the town we painted red
another coat of paint, painting it over again.
back to white, then back to red with the love I found all over again.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
This is an Error Message. Why can't we just delete it, YWS?
Hi Anon!
Perhaps I should start with a disclaimer that my background is prose, and I vowed to never review poetry again because I am not qualified. But here I am nonetheless! Will do what I can.
I like your descriptions, the comparisons between stone hands and hearts and blood... To try and interpret this, I would say it's a metaphor for a relationship, and the blood and stone represent moments when one or the other lover has hurt the other in a way that seemed cruel (cold, lifeless stone).
Building the heart back up again is a wonderful way to express the brave determination of one who has been heartbroken but no longer wants to live broken hearted, and the ending where the person finds love all over again can either mean moving on to a new relationship, or reigniting the same one.
Overall, well done!
How can I be sure you're not a professional?
This work was amazing! How in the WORLD did you come about the inspiration AND imagination to put such scenes, and such words together?
I love how it feels so dark, yet at the same time... In a way, it's not dark at all. Like a poem I would stare at for hours, debating on whether or not it would be okay to read it to my little sister. That's a good sign to me. It shows signs of a poetic complexity that we often forget about in modern day poetry. The rest of the world is fighting to make simplicity to new poetry. And you my friend just poured your blood/ paint and poured it all over their petty idea.
I can not in a million years emphasis the wonders, and beauties this piece brings to the table. And for that, I give you a tea cup clap. (Which I prefer to the old "round of applauds" bit.)
Hope to see more works like this in the future, and perhaps you can do just that!
Good Luck To You!
I've read this before but I never commented. I wanted to thank you very much for these kind words! I'm very proud of this poem. And honestly, I write with emotion. The emotions in this poem are from real life experiences. I think that is why I'm able to convey them so well.
I must say this poem was a but confusing/overwhelming to read because of all of the adjectives. It felt somewhat as if you were trying to force in as much imagery and content into your poem that the context became somewhat of a secondary thing. Not to say that I didn't understand your poem at all, I just feel like the inclusion of so many descriptive words was a bit much.
With that said, I would like to point out that your opening line was wonderful! I don't think I've read a poem where the poet actually makes it seem as if (s)he's holding a brick heart, squeezing it to death. Loved that!
Keep writing! I would love to read more from you ^-^
Thank you bunches for the feedback! I think that it was meant to be overwhelming, but able to be understood. Love/heartbreak is an overwhelming feeling where you simply have no idea what is going on and there is so many emotions at once. It's...a roller coaster of emotions and I'm glad it was overwhelming for you to read