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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Helloo again
I loved how you wrote the same thing in different words. That was done very cleverly.
I loved the title. Fits perfectly.
I don't get the "long version" bit. Like is it a continuation, an after thought, a different perspective. But I like it.
The question of finding the right one, appears throughout the poem, although in different forms
The flow was good in the first, shorter, part. The longer version was a bit weird for me, but a good weird.
My favourite lines were:
"Wrap your hands in band-aids,
Keep going.
Find the easy way out.
Stop."
I liked the ending.
Good job
Rating: 8/10
Hassan
Hi Anon!
I really enjoyed this work! The metaphor of a needle in a haystack really fits in well with people's attempt to find the person who they love and are loved by in return. Each time you find someone and get rejected or it doesn't work out, it does feel like being pricked by a needle, although the pain can fester for years or never truly heal. The emotions that this poem expand upon truly do fit with the title of your poem.
Love is very tricky. You can't be sure that there truly is someone out there that is the only one for you. But we all dream and hope and pray there is and it can be very muck like losing your hope when you keep failing to find them. You wonder, "Is there really such a thing?"
Your poem fits the struggles of love very closely. I think you could expand more on the emotional side of things but honestly, I find this poem well done. I can't really find anything wrong with your spelling or grammar so well done!
I really love the first stanza. Especially when you wrote that love dances on the fingertips of humanity because it does. You can try again and again and it escapes through your fingertips like smoke. Very nicely written and I can't wait to read more from you, Anon! Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Soulkana
Hey anony
I'm reviewing this to get points for my team! *evil grin*
'[The Long Version]' isn't part of the poem right? I assume so. Anyway, I'll do the short version first...
I don't think you need the semi colon after Love, it would look nicer without it.
I like the whole idea of 'The One in the haystack'! The haystack metaphor is usually overused in literature but you made it work well. Overall it's a great poem.
The second part (which I won't quote) is a nice conclusion. I'm a little confused by the small dot, what does it mean? I don't really know what else to say. It's a lovely read and conveys the emotions well. Yeah... so that's me done!
Small dot of blood! :p Thanks for the review, hun.