Enslaved

Hi! Okay so I'm RainbowPowerPonies and I came to review for you this review day!

Okay so this IS GREAT!!!! I love the thought of love as enslavement because it kinda is so basically you say it like it is!
I wanna say, this never rhymed as far as I could tell. was that the goal?
Also the third and fourth lines are good but could flow better.... BUT this is NOT to take away that this is a great poem and author with great potential that I can see IN it. I love the context and the message. The way that it shows how love isn't always so easy. Often times it challenging and even as you put it Enslaving. I love this poem despite the few weird things about this poem and I hope you take this as suggestions not criticism because it's meant to help and improve it not butcher it so if you like it how it was before you don't have to and the poem doesn't have to change in any way. Thank you for taking the time to write this poem and read this review. It's the kindness and patience that makes this world go round . So as I always say, keep writing, keep reading and please to you, tell me when you write a new piece! I'd LOVE to read it! So AGAIN KEEP WRITING AND UNLEASH YOUR POTENTIAL. :]
HAPPY REVIEW DAY!!!!!!
~RainbowPowerPonies

The descriptions of the poet's emotions are quite breathtaking! The heat and passion evident throughout the poem, the atmosphere of almost desperate longing, are quite remarkable indeed!

The only thing in this poem that I feel can be improved upon is that your descriptions are a bit too direct. They sound more like a narrative piece than an abstract poem about human emotions.

For example,
"It roars by so quickly,
it compares to the speed of light."
You don't have to spell out the fact that it is being compared to the speed of light. The comparison is quite evident. Wouldn't it sound better if you just said,
"It roars by as quickly,
as the speed of light."

In poetry some things need to be left to the reader's imagination. If you spell everything out in detail, you might as well be writing a story. A greater use of similes and metaphors, instead of direct descriptions, would make this poem all the more beautiful to read.

The ending is really well done! The short pithy phrases which bring the poem to a closure, are quite memorable and the kind that you can quote! Overall it was a very well-written piece. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Hi anonymousx! Happy Review Day! Catcha01 here with a review.

First off I liked how you stated and just interpreted love in this piece. "Enslaved. Again." That was how you ended the piece, and the wondrous passion that beamed out of those two words was... brilliant.

I have very few nitpicks one major one is in the third to last line. It doesn't work to rhyme there especially since the rest of the poem was free verse. It took the attention away from the two lines that you should want people to really remember, which are your two ending lines. So rewording that would keep with the elegance you established in the free verses.

Secondly, you have it's everywhere. In this poem it doesn't need to be changed, but the inconsistency is not the neatest.

Your fourth line is... odd. It doesn't quite fit with the line before it. Maybe saying something along the lines of:

"It roars by quickly, taking with it my breath

And easily it compares, to the speed of light"

They would be similar line length and would just flow better.

Aside from this, great poem. It was a nice and very romantic read. Great Job!

Keep Writing!
~Catcha01

This is a perfect poem about love. Just a couple mistakes.

'It's there once but then gone again

and I can imagine your fingers in mine.'

This is how it should be.

Its there once, but then gone again,

and I can imagine your fingers in mine. (Comma after 'once' and comma after 'again'.)

Next:

'because they're words that I could never whisper out loud

and I wonder if i'm ready for the enslavement of my heart.'

There should be a comma after loud. And the i in i'm should always be capitalized, like this; I'm.




Anyway, really great poem. I hope you keep writing.

Good-bye!

~BookWolf