Lone Tree

Hello Anonymous x LMJ here, to review your poem.

To start with i enjoyed it very much as it was an interesting concept, one which i had not come across before so it was good to read something fresh. i like the eclectic structure and language used, particularly in the final stanza " My trunk is rotting. My roots are breaking. I am falling. very poignant.

The poem itself flows well and all throughout has some effective juxtapositions between human and floral mortality. however, things do get a bit unclear or me when we get to this particular section;

Is this what happens when humans die?
Do their corpses rot?
Do maggots,
those nasty things,
Craw out of their eyes?

Is this what happens when you die?
Are you remembered by,
Not how green your leaves were,
But by how useful your trunk was?

It feels like you've tried too hard to bring the two together as you are saying that basically trees are plundered for their wood " but how useful your trunk was", but this concept breaks down, as when humans die we are not really plundered, unless the bodies are dedicated to science but that isn't the same thing.

Perhaps i am being to literal but it just seems forced to me, its either that or you began using human deaths as a metaphor to bolster the concept but didn't follow through with it for whatever reason. this is the only part i feel doesn't really fit, everything else however is great with a poignant closing line. Which some may call predictable but i would say it fits perfectly.


All in all i thoroughly enjoyed the read, so keep doing what your doing.

LMJ

Hello! I'm thealmighty pencil, and I thought I would leave you a review.

First off, your concept is super cool. A lot of people write about death, and a lot of people write about trees. Writing about a tree's view on death, of both other trees and humans, is really imaginative.

You used a cliche for your first line, and normally I would advise anyone to stay away from worn out phrases like that, but you twisted it and gave it another meaning. Turning cliches on their heads is so awesome and I love when writers do that!

Your poem has a nice flow to it and I like how you vary your sentences within the lines.

I do have a few nitpicks and suggestions.

In your second stanza, you use the word "brown" three times. I like repetition in poetry, but I would avoid repeating simple descriptions like "brown." Try to move away from simple color words for descriptions.

The third line of the second stanza is the longest line in the poem by a lot. "Where there used to be beautiful, long pieces of grass, there are now weeds." The line sticks out. I would try to break it into two lines if you can.

The line "grasp for the hope of a fresh scent" is a little vague. Who is grasping? the wind or the trees or the air? If whatever is "grasping" is important to the poem, I would clarify that line.

I only found two typos!

"His trunk has rotted a long while ago." You confused present and past tense here. "has" is present tense. "rotted" is past tense. I would replace "has" with "had" so the line would be "His trunk had rotted a long while ago."

In the line "Craw out of their eyes?" I believe you meant to spell "crawl" instead of "craw."

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. Its somber, simple, honest, and makes the reader ask questions. Great Job!