Walking home in the premature dark,
I saw the lonely and abandoned park.
not a soul sat on the swings today,
not a single child out to play.
Winter stole the joy of the playground,
whilst summer shrunk away without a sound.
With her she stole the laughter and the fun,
nobody at the park if there isn't any sun.
I think about childhood shrinking away,
like summer being so gradually replaced,
until one day you look into the dark,
and realise your life is an abandoned park.
And now I shiver in the premature dark,
as I sit on a swing in an abandoned park.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,940 Literary Works • 673,771 Reviews
Thanks for the positive feedback and corrections, really appreciated!
Hey, Anna!
This poem really reminds me of a children's story about a monster and his garden, but far more of a serious tone than that!
I like the imagery you've laid out here and I feel that there was so much of atmosphere oozing from withing the lines. It is a small poem with great descriptions and with a subtle yet distinguishable dark undertone to it.
I've enjoyed reading this piece and I'm already eager for your next
Murtuza
Hey Anna! Dogs here! I really love this poem! It flows perfectly and sounds great. I really love this poem for my favorite imagist writing style, you really paint a strong image in the readers head which you nailed in this poem! You also managed to put in the subtle deeper meaning to this poem about losing innocence and it ties in perfectly with the abandoned park metaphor. Also, i'm a huge fan of short poems so this piece definitly checked off all the things i look for when i write and read a poem. Props to you Anna! Hope you get featured!!!!!!! Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hi, there!
First of all, I must say this is an amazin poem, and I wouldn't be surprised if it gets featured!
This is a great start! Just start the third stanza with "Not".
(Just some corrections)
Anyways, good work!
I really can't wait to read more from you!
Feel free to PM me! Keep writing!