The making of a wish,
Is often better than it coming true.
The anticipation of the kiss,
Is often better than the boy kissing you.
Find the star that shines most bright,
Close your eyes extra tight,
Wish a wish of innocence before,
The moment ends and his lips touch yours.
Just don't be disappointed when you find,
Kisses often taste better, when dreamt of by wishful minds.
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139,679 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
I really loved this poem and even though it was short, you really got the point through. You are a really talented writer. Keep writing!
Thanks for the reviews... I hope she's learnt the lesson too
Interesting ideas HarryPotter Rocks, I'll definitely make it less gender specific and I did like the idea of making the last stanza 3 lines. I know what you were saying about the rhyme scheme but I made it inconsistent on purpose to emphasize the message of naivity and innocence. Do you think I should change that or make it more obvious?
Thanks for the reviews... I hope she's learnt the lesson too
Interesting ideas HarryPotter Rocks, I'll definitely make it less gender specific and I did like the idea of making the last stanza 3 lines. I know what you were saying about the rhyme scheme but I made it inconsistent on purpose to emphasize the message of naivity and innocence. Do you think I should change that or make it more obvious?
Hellooooooo...... I am here. To. REVIEW!! XD Okay then, let's get started. First off, your poem had a really good concept and I enjoyed reading it. It was short and sweet and I wanted to read it till the end. However, your rhyme scheme was a little wrong. Let me show you:
Here, your rhyme scheme goes like A, B, A, B. And it's good.
But here, your rhyme scheme becomes A, A, B, B. It's inconsistent. Why don't you try following one rhyme scheme? Secondly, all your lines begin with capital letters. Only if your previous line ends with a full stop, your next line begins with a capital. I've already done that in those stanzas so you can see what I mean. Also, in the first stanza, last line (as you can see) I replaced "boy" with "person" because I thought it would be better if you don't specify gender. I did the same to the last line for the second stanza. And your last lines:
I think this should be written like this:
I thought it would be better to divide into three lines otherwise he second one would be too long. Overall, good poem, good concept. Also, make minds into mind so that it rhymes. If you want it to rhyme. Not that it doesn't rhyme but adding 's' at the end doesn't make it rhyme that well.
Keep Writing!
~HPR~
Hey anna
I love this poem. It's sweet and I love the ending! Great job and I hope your sister has learnt this valuable lesson you've laid out for her. I enjoyed this!
Murtuza