The Running Track

Heya Anna91423!

You're almost there.

I like the running track being a circle and the idea that you can never escape anything on it. The image is a good one but I think you can do a lot more with it than you have. The poetry is very narrative-based at the moment, which is okay but I think you could put a little more description in as well.

The running track can be a metaphor for lots of things, but I think you're going with "life" and its troubles. Another thing about life is it's tiring and people always want a break -- this works with a running track too. There are also spectators in life and competitors and people running by your side. There is so much more room to expand this poem, it's unreal.

I like the ABAC rhyme and free rhythm -- it works with the tone and subject of the poem. I can't help but thing another two stanzas could help though. They could go inbetween the two you already have which would allow you to develop the idea more rather than just extend the poem.

Another thing which might help would be to not explicitly state "the pain that you're running from". It's cool when a poem seems to be about one thing but is actually talking about something else. There's a lot of satisfaction for the reader when they work that out, and you'll deny them that satisfaction if you just go and state it. Tease the reader a bit more. It's a good thing.

Mmk. There's not really much more to say so I'll live it there. If you do write any extra stanzas for this then let me know -- I'd be interested to read them.

Take care,
Charlie

I like this a lot! The ending is a little abrupt (which isn't such a big deal), but other than that it's great