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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
I very much enjoyed the idea of the poem. I think it was wonderful how it relates life to baseball. On the other hand though the way you wrote this poem made it so that it sounded more like a long quote than a poem. I do love that you are trying to get over your fear of no rhythm though. I will also tell you that you have great potential though.
Hello, I absolutely loved this poem and the idea behind it. To start the way you used the ball as a metaphor was simply brilliant and well done. Also, I liked the second line in the second stanza, it really brought to life what actually happens. Overall, it was a good poem that I can't find any thing wrong with. I would love to see more from you, your're have quite a talent for writing poetry. Keep writing! - Hsarver
Hola, annabanana.
If this is your first venture into the realm of the free verse, It's pretty good. I like how you compare love to a ball thrown into the wind. Not bad.
The thing that makes this poem less than stellar is the last two lines. If the reader is worthy of reading poetry, he knows that you're not actually talking about a ball game. Also, you should let the readers fill in the blanks sometimes; that's part of the joy of reading. However, you don't let the reader do that, rather you blow your own cover and say, "LOOK THIS POEM IS ABOUT LIFE." Don't shout, it's distracting and impolite. Basically, you could omit the last line, and the poem would be a lot better for it.
To me, these lines sounded a little choppy. If I were you, I'd say it like this to make it more smooth:
I really like the meaning behind this poem; we often fall in love with people we don't expect to. Unless you meant something else. I like what I got out of it, though.
I hope that this review was helpful to you. Happy writing!
Hiya! barefootrunner here to review your poem
Good job for your first forage into free verse!
Spelling and grammar:
Good! There is just one part of the poem that niggles at me — the joining between the two stanzas. The two are so intimately connected that they really shouldn't be two separate stanzas!
Perhaps even replace the full stop with a dash and alter the sentences slightly.
Poeticism:
Pretty good, but you could do more in the second stanza — more devices like metaphors and alliteration to help the poem along. It is so short, you should give it some extra substance.
Lineation:
Nice and even, but my preference is for shorter lines. Perhaps the second line of the second stanza could be chopped in two?
Overall:
Pretty good, but for some reason, it seems to lack zest in the second stanza. Perhaps it is the slight lack of poetic devices. Perhaps you need something more pithy as an ending. Comparing life with a ball game is perhaps slightly overused. The reader wants something deep to send shivers down their spine! Take your time to find something, whether you wait for the muse, search for hidden truths or write to get ideas.
Good job and hoping to hear more from you!
barefootrunner
Hi! Its secretejournalist here, but feel free to call be Brie. I do not believe we have met. I love poetry! Oh yeah, I follow anyone I review, it just seems to make people happy, so consider yourself followed. But ANYWAY, onto the review!
I think I will review it stanza by stanza.
Love is a word used too loosely.
Thrown, like a ball, into the wind
but rarely caught.
I think this poem starts out nicely, it kinda pulled me in. The title did no such thing. But anyway, I think you could space out the poem a little. It just kinda bugs me to see sentences that long, but that's just me! No spelling errors, no grammatical errors, this is a nice poem so far!
More often found
by perfect strangers, not aimed at them.
A happy accident to help
with this ambiguous ball game
called life.
I think you meant to say most! What do you mean by perfect strangers? Are the perfect at baseball, at life? Explain yourself please. I think this stanza deserves more description and scenery. I don't exactly see how you transitioned from love to life. I mean, love is in life, but its only a small portion. I am going to agree with tacoguy, "ambiguous ball game called life" is totally cliche. Try wording it differently, end it with a bang!
Overall, this poem is sweet, short, and with a little fixing up, it will be perfect! I like how you wrote it, and I am kinda curious to see what else you have. If you work at it, I have no doubt you will end up big!
~SecreteJournalist
Sorry but "ambiguous ball game called life" is so cliche. I liked the rest of the poem. I don't normally read poetry and how I read things is normally totally different to how others would read out a poem. But it sound good when I read it aloud so maybe we think alike.