Painting the Clouds

with our hands twined

Should be "entwined". Not only does it sound a little better, but it also makes more sense. To twine something is to wrap it in twine, so unless their hands are wrapped in twine, "entwined", which is synonymous with "linked together" or "entangled", is the word to use here.

Now, the one major flaw of this poem is the inconsistent meter (the pattern of syllables in each line). Right now, although you start out okay, by the third stanza, the meter completely falls apart, which leads to the rhythm falling apart, which leads to the rhyme not working. Rhyme relies on rhythm, and rhythm relies in part on meter, so having an inconsistent meter really hurts your poem.

An easy way to get a more consistent meter is to count the syllables in each line. For example:

But the clouds disappear (6)
as the day fades to dusk, (6)
the stars whisper close by, (6)
"It's time to grow up". (5)

Do you see how the last line is a syllable short compared to the rest of the stanza? You could do two things to fix this: add a syllable to the last line, or take a syllable away from the third line. I'd personally remove the "close" from the third line since it sounds nice and creates an interesting image (of stars whispering by), but its ultimately up to you.

As it is, this poem is cute and simple, but the inconsistent meter really hurts it.