Lipstick Stains

I have almost nothing but praise for this. The imagery was perfect, especially the contrast between pale lips and lipstick. My favorite part is the third stanza, the imagery in it is awesome. But I feel like the poem could have been perfect if the last stanza was removed entirely. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

greetings!
you wrote about the classic situation of a girl finding out his man has got lipstick stains and figures he's cheating on her.
have to say, really liked your rendition of it. the description of the stain was radiant and surprisingly perfectly rhymed. you showed the girl's disgust with the stains through the words in a very subtle way. the reference to Hansel and Gretel was cool and slick. i liked it. it was a a good example that symbolized the lipstick stains with awe.
its true that when you once find something suspicious, it always stays in your mind no matter how trifle it is and you depicted that scenario with mesmerizing clarity ( forgive the exaggerations) in here:
" You swear you saw it swirl down the plug,
that you washed it all away,
yet every time I close my eyes
ruby scars are clear as day"

i absolutely loved it. it was enjoying and fun to read. and pretty cool title too.
Puck

greetings!
you wrote about the classic situation of a girl finding out his man has got lipstick stains and figures he's cheating on her.
have to say, really liked your rendition of it. the description of the stain was radiant and surprisingly perfectly rhymed. you showed the girl's disgust with the stains through the words in a very subtle way. the reference to Hansel and Gretel was cool and slick. i liked it. it was a a good example that symbolized the lipstick stains with awe.
its true that when you once find something suspicious, it always stays in your mind no matter how trifle it is and you depicted that scenario with mesmerizing clarity ( forgive the exaggerations) in here:
" You swear you saw it swirl down the plug,
that you washed it all away,
yet every time I close my eyes
ruby scars are clear as day"

i absolutely loved it. it was enjoying and fun to read. and pretty cool title too.
Puck

im love the creativeness of this i know the inspiration for this poem had to be painfull but this was very well writen and put together. i couldnt find much of anything wrong with this poem. keep writing.

This is the first poem I read on this site I swear. It was the reason I even signed up. It lured me into think that I would get really good criticism by posting my writing on this website. If you are this good maybe you can give me feedback. I like your poem. It has something to do with a cheating man who finally gets caught. I like how you then after said "I kiss you with my pale lips." That is a remark meaning she may not be good enough for him because the other girl had sweet lipstick. While the wife/girlfriend was plain. You also did a good job of comparing red bloody wound to her lipstick marks because it hurt you. The betrayal hurt you and not the guy. Or it could be a girl who knows. Good Job keep it up.

So, this was rather good. It was very simplistic in message and nearly, hmm, repetitive, but you explained things in an interesting way.

However, I have to say that things weren't explained as well as they could be. I got a clear feel on what was going on--there was a cheating man who slipped up, and, thus, his SO caught him--and I saw snapshots of what was going on, but for a poem so focused on imagery, I couldn't say I could put it into chronological order. I understand at the beginning, the cheater is caught, and at the end, the SO feels heartbroken, but in the middle? It gets very abstract as to what exactly is happening. The lipstick stains are metaphorical? Or was the guy stupid/drunk/high enough not to wash them off? Or did she surprise him by coming home early? I don't know.

In brief, you could have expanded this, made me feel more. I didn't feel anything from this, except the bitterness and betrayal of the cheater's SO. I suppose that was all required, but it just seems one-dimensional. It was that-poem-about-a-bad-relationship. Your classic romantic poem.

Then again, take my opinion with a grain of salt. I've been told I write rather like Kate Chopin. I like to take a simple idea and blow it up larger than life, then riddle in deeper meanings and such. So my suggestions above might be a bit personally motivated.

Otherwise? I generally enjoy mythology and folklore in poems, but I believe the Hansel and Gretel was a bit out of place. Technically, it makes that stanza work rather beautifully, but the two lines speaking of that piece of folklore? One: They left crumbs so that they could find their way back to their home, because their father kicked them out because the village was starving and his wife convinced them to get rid of the children, rather than watch them starve sooner or later (at least that's the variant I'm going by). Also, they left all sorts of things before, I believe, because it wasn't their first go being dropped in the woods, but I understand the crumbs are iconic. So, the crumbs did lead to the witch's house, but how you wrote it seemed like they were following the crumbs to get there, which is a bit awkward. Second: The children were almost cannibalized (sometimes it's noted the witch is secretly their mother or step-mother), but they managed to shove the witch into her oven and beat it, following the bread crumbs back home (secretly murdering their mother, or, if their mother wasn't the witch, she died of starvation--lovely stuff). So, their fate wasn't sealed--they totally rebelled and cooked that witch. So, to a mythology/folklore nut, those lines were bothersome. Again, might be personally motivated. Just treat this as a FYI moment.

Otherwise, the poem did seem to have a rather good flow. The only grammatical problem you had was pointed out by the other reviewer, so I figure you're good on that. All in all, it wasn't my favorite (sorry), but it did have some quality. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't to my taste. I hope this review was helpful, anyway.

Keep writing,
Cas

This is sooo good! The imagery and figurative language are amazing and the flow/rhythm is great! the only thing is the last lines "leave ruby scar upon my heart" ..is it supposed to be scars? other than that though i loved it, great job!