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Young Writers Society



to wax poetic

by Rook


you are a candle that burns scarlet 
and drips a claw of the the mantelpiece
begging, begging anyone to lap it,
just to be burned.

you crave the quick
flash of a snapping match
that illuminates questioning eyes
seeking wicks 
that won't burn out.

drops of scarlet plunge
into the jar of moonlit mist
and spread 
like ink
into the farthest reaches,
diffusing into the pale pink
of musculature and fats.

there's only an atomic difference
between wax and skin;
yours has even fewer quarks to change.
lonely on the mantelpiece,
thinking of sculpting a statue
out of your living wax,
imbuing it with scarlet flame.
but the carefully carved jawline,
and waxen eye globules
would only perspire, dripping
back to its puddle of derivation.

days don't scream
the words that primevally escape
even the most prim mouths.
they only weep sunlight,
and shadows of trees
drip down earth's face twice a day.

wax and sunlight make a poor pair.
those who seek their offspring get only
a molten mess of multi-colored crayons
that bubble with a life they've only glimpsed
long enough to crave it with every atom.
the only viable outcome
of such a mess
is a sullen, silent candle,
afraid to scream.
it settles on the claw 
of a mantelpiece,
burning scarlet flames
to shame the sun.

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36 Reviews

Points: 354
Reviews: 36

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Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:52 am
LosPresidentes wrote a review...



101% Love this piece, Good job fortis!

Alrighty, first nitpick is no capitalization;
Second nitpick, I can't find anything else wrong with the piece.
The work has a lot of imagination, and visualization in a dark, yet innocent melodramatic yet reserve canter. A lot of dark imagery being tied together with youthful and loosely "innocent" ideals. Every moment. The content is great, but a bit dry. IT needs more.... Spice? Similes and metaphors, something to give me a hint of comparison, something to connect to the piece with. And before you fly off the handle about the lack there-of, the direct comparison of wax to skin does not count in my books, no no.

Well thatch enough from this old codger, keep up the good work. =3




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171 Reviews

Points: 872
Reviews: 171

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Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:10 pm



This is great. Vivid.Meaningful. Lively. I love it!




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Points: 872
Reviews: 3

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Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:53 am
Dorsia says...



I really liked this! The descriptions were great. I'm not sure I quite understood the title, though.




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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

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Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:52 am
Dorsia1919 says...



I thought this was really cool! Keep it up.




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Points: 256
Reviews: 13

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Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:15 am



Your poem title "to wax poetic" unfortunately makes no sense. In this poem
using the imagery,please don't rush it and do alot more imagery after. it leaves the reader with too much room for wrong guessing trying to interpret what your trying to say. A poem does not have to be cryptic,it's actually suppose to be the opposite .A poem is suppose to be as simplistic as possible.In the end I didn't really get your message maybe because it was too hidden.Try to be more simple and try telling your story more linear.It reads as if you were making it up completely as you went along review and trim your writing. Hope you improve.




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Points: 256
Reviews: 13

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Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:15 am
cristoffergarcia wrote a review...



Your poem title "to wax poetic" unfortunately makes no sense. In this poem
using the imagery,please don't rush it and do alot more imagery after. it leaves the reader with too much room for wrong guessing trying to interpret what your trying to say. A poem does not have to be cryptic,it's actually suppose to be the opposite .A poem is suppose to be as simplistic as possible.In the end I didn't really get your message maybe because it was too hidden.Try to be more simple and try telling your story more linear.It reads as if you were making it up completely as you went along review and trim your writing. Hope you improve.




Satira says...


@cristoffergarcia ,
Aren't there no rules in poetry?
to 'wax poetic' is a pun! It's when somebody starts speaking all flowery and deep, usually out loud, and everyone else kind of rolls their eyes, and they say, "here you go again, waxing poetic." (at least that's the context I'VE always seen it used.
You know, poets can do whatever the hell they want with their own poetry. And I mean, have you read Yeats? I've read like one poem by him, but I'm going to use him as an example but...yeah, he's really super descriptive and un-simplistic and he's considered one of the best poets of all time.
*
Your review was unhelpful and pretty hurtful. Because you have no avatar, I'd assume you're new to this site-so welcome, welcome to YWS! But remember that we're usually very supportive and not so...rude.
Sorry I'm intruding, I just saw this and got burnt up.
:) just saying.

I loved it, Fort! Of course, i would change some things, but this is a ranty-comment and not a review, and it's your poem anyway. I usually don't change anything about my poems, because they're too personal for me, so can't even judge.




You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote