bleeding sin

do there anything sin or bliss for mosquito? is there any hell or heaven for mosquito. according to me they o in hell to make the place more difficult for the men, but not in heaven as they can make heaven hell for man. also if one kills other for his own existence then there,s no sin. that a the theory of Darwin, survival of the fittest. as for the poem its very sweet poem. i like the way called it a sinful blood. i like the approach. congrats on a good work. keep writing.

This was interesting to read and powerful. I liked it. I think the words were very well written.

Hey, I thought this was really clever and paints such a vivid picture in so few words. I agree with the other reviewer that the line "the way they should" doesn't feel quite right. Like, I get that you want it to rhyme and I think the rhyme scheme is super effective because adding like a creepy kind of feel to it, but maybe you should try and think of another line to go in its place that still fits the syllable count and rhyme scheme. 'Flood' might be a good rhyme, I don't know.

I liked the use of dashes- they reflected the sort dripping of blood if that makes sense. I like all of it except that one line really! Great work, and would be interested to read more of your writing!

Fort! Just a couple of notes on this, since I absolutely love the imagery you're working with, here.

"the way they should" is unnecessary, I think? It's implied that what you're suggesting is the opposite of what the norm is. However, I'm not sure I like "of blood" transitioning straight to "drip now," in that case.

Along the lines of possibly unnecessary, I'd nix "sin" as the last word. I think it packs quick a nice punch with "yet again/I'm bleeding" without being heavy-handed in imagery.

The first two lines of your second stanza I'm not sold on. I'm not sure if it's the punctuation, or the fact they rhyme, or something else entirely. Like, I like it, but I don't? I think it's mostly in the structure/layout, and using a dash in the first as opposed to another piece of punctuation. I read it as a comma, not a dash, so both visually and in terms of flow it knocks me out of what I'm reading and thinking. Ok, that said, I think it is in the punctuation/presentation on the page. Reading it aloud I like it quite a bit more; so, maybe play with that a bit?

Overall! I like it! But, I always like concise things I like what you've done with your imagery, and turning something very concrete a bit on its head in the abstract.