we have begun a study in sorrow
and the way tears cling to the crack in your eyelids when you squeeze them shut.
we have begun a study in remembrance
and how a single flashing image can shutter into a million, a stop-motion black and white video etched into your brain, ingrained so deep it’s a void where thoughts turn dark and tearful.
we have begun a study in absence
and getting along with the shadows that are only really empty places that used to be filled with blood and breath – tolerating them and embracing their silent stillness.
we have begun a study in growth
and realizing that our troubles have provided us a staircase and a burning balm.
we have begun a study in healing
and licking our wounds.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
This poem is so powerful. I can relate to this and so can many of my characters. I love the repetition at the start of each stanza and the abrupt stanza at the end. I also love the way the stanzas start off quite neutral, and get darker as you read through the poem. Great job, and I think this poem is perfect! (Well, almost - no-one's perfect ;3)
Hi! It's me, Storygirl95 dropping by for a review. Pieces like this make me love the Green Room because I get to see them before they become popular.
This was a really emotional and touching piece. We often forget the things not constantly presented to us. Obviously everyone remembers what happened, but with time the images fade away for some. Out of sight, out of mind. Unfortunately, they never fade for others. This really brings that to light.
I love that you start each stanza the same way, and I really feel it brings a sort of cohesive feel to it.
I was wondering, on the line, "how a single flashing image can shutter into a million," did you mean to use shutter? Like a camera shutter? Or was it meant to be shatter? Just curious.
Anyway. This was beautiful to read, and I'm feeling lucky I saw it today. I too sometimes fall victim to the out of sight, out of mind theory, so I always enjoy coming to something like this and remembering. For better or for worse, the human experience is something that should be shared.
Great job! Keep writing!
Hello, fortis! Nice work you've got there! And a perfect memorial poem for 9/11.
Let's jump in! Ah, well, let's see... This line right here is really descriptive and all, but I'm just thinking that "crack" kind of breaks the entire line. It just doesn't give me much of the image, you know? I think you should change your wording a little bit.
"and the way tears cling to the crack in your eyelids when you squeeze them shut."
The last line...well, I'm not really sure what to say. Again with the word choice, "licking" just doesn't seem that civilized. I mean, I know it's kind of an expression, but the poetic feel of this poem doesn't go with it. I suggest you change that.
Otherwise, I think this was great. It kind of moved something inside me, something that kind of feels sorrow for 9/11 but by the next day I forgot about it. No, it actually made me feel tearful. Good job on that, fortis, and keep writing!
-Artemis28