The Night Accepts You Gently -- a response to Dylan Thomas's "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"
No longer will we ever simply be
the humans, shaken by the black of night,
but rather, with the stars, all floating free.
When you look up into the skies you see
oblivion that gives you certain fright:
“No longer will I ever simply be!”
But Yggdrasil, that vast and mighty tree,
holds Earth and Hell together, gripping tight,
but not the sky of stars, all floating free.
The sky is brighter than your soul may think
it glows for you with gentle, dusky light
that if you enter, you will simply be.
And when you go, I’m sure you will agree
there is no rationale for you to fight
against those stars, euphorically free.
Your death will be a liberating key:
escape this darkened world and enter bright!
Forever you, your soul, will simply be
among the stars, and happy, floating free.
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Hello, Meerkat here with a review.
Firstly, your emulation of Dylan Thomas's poetic style with a twist on the message was excellently done. For the most part, you followed the villanelle structure perfectly, except for one minor word in the fifth stanza. "Euphorically," while very evocative of the emotional freedom I assume you intended, somewhat breaks the flow by disrupting the pattern of syllable emphasis.
There is only one other nitpick that stands out to me, which is the reference to "Yggdrasil" in the third stanza. I admire the metaphor, but without any other mention or allusion to Norse mythology in the poem, it feels slightly out of place.
These criticisms are small, however, and you have an obvious talent for poetry and verse. The repetition of certain phrases (the stars "floating free"), beautiful lines ("escape this darkened world and enter bright!"), and the overall message that death and oblivion are to be not feared but embraced all contribute to making more of a meaningful impact with readers.
Please continue to write poetry; this was the type of lovely, philosophical piece that literature needs more of.
Have a great day, and thank you for your writing!
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!
Wow! I really liked this poem! And I love that it is in response to another poem. It's so creative and not seen very often. It's actually hard to find any constructive criticism for you because this was so amazing. I loved the rhyme scheme, it was consistent and flowed well with the piece. I liked how the flow was gentle, which helped reinforce the title of your piece. You stayed consistent in plot and it was very easy to follow. Well done! The last stanza was absolutely brilliant. It was so comforting to read. You are an extremely talented poet and I am looking forward to reading more of your work! Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night! Also, Happy Review Day!
This is great ! it's very poetic and touching ! Probably my favorite poem read here !
I love that you made a "response" to another poem that's a really cool idea !
It's also really enjoyable to read, it flows really nicely and it's understandable ! It rhymes the whole way through which makes even more fluid and easy to read !
Great work !