I
God held the pen in hand:
the tip grew dry.
II
In a mountain pass,
my hands felt the way north,
as if they could read the Braille of the stars.
III
It is Raining Beautiful for the last time.
The drops are hands that caress the roof,
creating sweet, percussive duets
with the birds.
IV
The hand
that wore
the wedding band was
the hand
that dealt
the blackened eye.
V
Her hands sat clasped on her lap,
encasing the smallest silence of them all.
VI
In the cold of the barren tundra,
his hands shiver,
creating a new kind of sign language,
appealing to whoever Up There
can interpret the gestures.
Over and over again he signs his pleas.
Over and over again, they are ignored
with another blast of snow.
VII
Swirling pads on his hands
mimic the motion of the wind,
graven into his fingertips.
VIII
Trees reach up with wooden hands
to hold the sky together in perspective.
Where they cannot reach, the sky is a disk,
flat, and unfathomable.
IX
When my hands breezed over
the black and white keys
they left a trail of music in their wake.
X
The veins in her hands
etched the outline
of a tree too precious
to cut down.
XI
It is wise to watch for the moon
on a stormy night.
It is wiser to hold it in your palm.
It is wisest to clasp it tight,
your hands folding around it
like a prayer.
XII
The churn is full.
Her hands are still.
XIII
The Immortal was dying
as the sun rose at dusk.
I saw his hand reaching toward me,
crumbling, as it sailed,
into the leaves of an ash tree.
---
A/N: Based on/inspired by Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird, by Wallace Stevens, which can be read here: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174503
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Hello, Widders! It's been a while since I've reviewed one of your works.
I really enjoyed this. It was very nice, and hey, you've introduced me to some new poetry!
I really liked how you allowed each section to be independent of one another. You mention god in the first one, and then go on to say "whoever Up There," which I thought was nice. You have different perspectives in the same poem-- it really reminded me that different narrators were speaking throughout these. Good. Very good.
The only criticism I think I can offer you is that it relied a little too heavily on trees for my taste. I mean, don't get me wrong. Trees are great. They're symbols of lots of different things. But you use trees in three different stanzas as rather large images in each of them (8, 10, & 13). The one in 13 wasn't so bad, but I think you should probably change the veins likened to trees in 10, as it made me notice that trees were being so heavily relied upon. If it was only 8 and 13, I think I could live with that. Two's a grove, but three's a forest.
I think that my favorite stanzas had to be 4, 5, 11, and 13. Those really stood out to me in their style and their weight.
Altogether, I truly enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing this with us. It was a pleasure to read.
I hope this review proves useful to you! Happy poeting!
Hello, Ashkitten here for a review. Sometimes when people copy an idea, it seems forced because they are trying so hard to make their idea exactly like someone else's with just a couple of changes and you did not do this.
This was genius. I don't care if it's inspired by something else, it in itself is a completely amazing poem. I just can't find anything wrong with it. It takes me to so many places and I just get so much out of it every single time I read it. Your imagery is brilliant!
I fell into each line like I was falling down a tree, branch by branch to the very last line.
I love that you pulled someone else's idea as inspiration but made it your own. The lines did not seem forced or copied, they just flowed so flawlessly. I felt like I was looking at 13 paintings of hands. I am an instant fan, and I hope that you excuse the fact that I can not critique this work because I am literally so mesmerized by the imagery, and every time I try to read it to find anything wrong with it, I find nothing wrong and so many more things right!!
I love how some stanzas were very simple, and yet so satisfying to read. Each little stanza was a tiny little meal with a different flavor that I got to fully enjoy.
Upon rereading it, after the twentieth time...I would suggest one thing and only one thing.
I would emphasize the delicacy of this woman's hands as compared to the tree.
The veins in her fragile hands
etched the outline
of a delicate tree too precious to cut down.
Again, just a suggestion that could add to the imagery and to bring the woman's hands and the tree to an even closer comparison. Other than that, Simply Ah-mazing!!!!! please enter this into a poetry contest. Please publish this, because the world needs to read this poem. I sooooooo look forward to reading more of your writing, and you have inspired me to also write a poem in this format/style. Thank you so much.
My favorite line is
The imagery is sensational, and it just flows soooo well.
Greetings Widdershins! Your favourite neighborhood wizard here for a review!
Now let us see, why did you use thirteen? Thirteen is commonly known as the rebellious number, but also the number of change and (ironically enough) devotion. That being said, your poem does change the way we look at our hands, yet it still remembers all the physical pain and memories of the hands. Also, structurally,this poem "rebels" against the norm of poem writing.
Yes, I know you did not intend for all this thirteen symbolism and whatnot, yet numbers are some of the most powerful symbols, and often subconsciously guide our actions.
But enough of my rambling about symbolism. Onward to the poem!
There is actually nothing I can see wrong with this poem, so I'll just point out the highlights (I can't say that I have had the pleasure of reviewing such a masterpiece in a while)
I absolutely love this line!! Your metaphor is amazingly executed, and extremely accurate! Marvelous.
Being a musician myself, thus line just struck home for me. I have never really thought of making music like this, but you opened my eyes. Thank you for that.
Number ten is probably my favourite of them all. Your words are so beautifully executed, they made me want go out and catch the moon, never wanting to let it go.
So,as you can clearly deduce, I absolutely loved this poem. I'm not even going to comment on any final improvements (because there aren't any) and just give you 10 out of ten for this poem, making you the second person to receive that achievement from me.
Yours sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
Hey! I totes did that like almost 10 years ago! Copycat!
Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Post-It Note
Did you have to do this for school too? Or are you just awesome like that? I did it for a pretty unusual class/teacher, so I'd be amazed if you had the same assignment.
Did you actually try to match the themes of the original stanza? I recall that was part of my assignment. I see it in the "IV", but it's not as obvious in the others.
Uh yeah. Yours is way better than mine. I haven't really improved in nine years either. Don't worry, I'm not marking this as a review. Keep writing!
Wow I never saw that poem of yours XD
No, I did this for NaPo. I found Stevens' poem myself. xD
I did kind of try to match the themes of the stanzas in the beginning, but I ended up just making my poem as personally good as I could. It's funny, I can see the themes in IV ans VI, but those are both stanzas that I moved there arbitrarily because I didn't like where they were before. xD
And I guess XII and XIII were based off of the original poem too-ish, but those I put there on purpose.
I like yours, by the way. XD
Thanks. I figured you hadn't seen it since it's so old, I was just joking. And I forgot about that NaPo prompt...I should do that since I'm running low on ideas.
I never really thought to look at the many ways to use our hands, haha. But this was very creative and I really liked it. The different examples and subtle details add a nice expect to the poem. A lot think that poems must rhyme,but I like the poems that don't rhyme because they're different and not what we would consider traditional. The hand that wore the wedding band is the hand that dealt the black eye.... This particular line, I love it. It made me laugh aloud. Perhaps that wasn't your intent,but I found it amusing. Very good poem,i like it a lot. Nice job. Keep writing.