i.
Don't forget--
oh for all the stars,
don't you dare forget--
that Cleave has two meanings:
To sever, or to stick fast to.
Only people and glaciers dare to do both.
ii.
Ours was a patchwork strip of moonlight,
a Moonwake that points
to the declamatory beach
bordered by a darkened forest
where the trees are so sharp
they leave scars
in the stew of roiling clouds.
iii.
We collect seashells now,
not pet-names.
I am the conch you held
against the glowing gray
of the beach's sky.
Pale and pink,
I swirl away into myself,
forever enclosed in a case of calcite.
iv.
There's a sea shanty on the corner,
sprouting salt aggregates left by ocean zephyrs,
with a sign tacked to the door.
It reads: "Wind Shed."
And I always imagine
wind elementals screaming through the walls,
cleaving the plaster like a boat cleaves ocean waves.
Or I imagine a place where breezes are kept quietly
in boxes where the lids cleave to to the bases,
never letting even the smallest gust through.
v.
Glaciers cleave (to) the land,
dragging rocks and shells,
and twigs from sharp forests,
as the wind howls in vain
against their sides:
the frozen ocean.
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139,355 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi <3 I am here because of contronyms and, for that, I am grateful to you and to grammar.
I rarely review poetry so bear with me on this one.
Spoiler
What I obviously very much enjoy about this is the fact that the poem is entirely based on a contronym, and contronym that isn't really very special or unique. There are many other contronyms that could be potentially more poetic or unique or meaningful or what have you, ones that are seemingly much more adaptable to poetry, like "to weather" or "to seed". Through grammatical craftiness, you have managed to take something relatively uninteresting and ordinary and made it into something pretty.
But that's the thing. It's very pretty. There's the depth that comes with using the two meaning of "cleave" and employing it advantageously - as another reviewer so aptly pointed out, there is a nostalgic atmosphere to your poem which is probably the most correct emotion to pair with the contronym you have chosen. However, the prettiness dulls that nostalgic sensation. As a person who both wallows and relishes in all things pertaining to nostalgia, I am a bit disappointed. For me, nostalgia brings an aching to my heart and laughing tears of both joy and sadness. I felt pang for the past. Raw beauty instead of gentle prettiness is what nostalgia is all about. The imagery in this poem has so much potential to embrace raw beauty. I am not a huge fan of universally accepted cliches like "roiling clouds", "screaming elementals", and "howling wind". I am bigger fan of things like "sharp trees/forests" and "declamatory beaches".
I don't agree with the other reviewers that this is a so-called "vague" poem. I think this poem is rather quite evident. I don't think I have pinpointed the point of your poem, however, and I think that brings us back to its pretty essence (which, in that sense, makes it a vague poem). Nevertheless, I think you have made it fairly obvious at the start what you are trying to do and you achieve your goal well enough. I would like to see more connection in your poem. A sense of grounding, so to speak, and not just a poem for the sake of liking the potential in "cleave". The word "cleave" can be a strong word, as you are trying to prove. It can provoke either much hurt/loss or it can bring unconditional love/comfort. Those are intense emotions to captivate but you are good enough that you deserve the challenge and I want to see you rise up to it.
I admire the particular choices of enjambment. It works well and is appropriate pretty much everywhere. This was my favourite part, both content-wise and enjambment-wise:
Thank you for a lovely poem. I know you wrote this awhile ago, but I would be interested to read any revisions you make/have made.
Yours,
Lav (who has likely met her poetry review quota for the next six months)
Hi there!
I happened upon this poem by chance, and I'm really glad that I did! The very beginning drew me in and kept my attention. You've woven your words together beautifully. This is the kind of poetry I am naturally drawn to; vague, mysterious, and lovely.
I'm having trouble finding any negatives to say about this. You really did a great job.
If anything, I'd suggest adding a few more lines perhaps, but it is wonderful as it is.
Keep writing!
-LittleFox
Ok, I'm going to try my best to review this, but I have one issue right off the bat;
I can't exactly figure out what's happening, or what the exact story is.
I have a few ideas of what you could be getting at, but nothing is very clear. Then again, that's good, because it allows the reader to connect in more personal way than they would if you're words were precise. That's probably why a lot of people like poetry, it's vague enough that you can take what you want from it.
Anyway, these are my ideas;
You're personifying glaciers. Now, I got this from how you compared people to them, and how you ended the poem, speaking of a frozen ocean, which reminisces of the ice-age. During that time, glaciers moved across the earth (this can be grasped in stanza 2), and created mountains, literally ripped land apart and created countries as we know them today before they retreated and melted away (stanza 3). I feel you grasp that power by using the vocabulary you did, and just the maturity in your writing.
Someone returning to a beach that they once came to with a loved one, whether it be a lover or a family member. The emotion in this piece makes me feel like you're trying to grasp some nostalgia, and honestly, it shows perfectly. The shells remind people of when they themselves visited beaches when they were young, and how they used to be collected. That line causes the nostalgia to be realized not only by the narrator, but by the reader themselves, making it much more powerful. Then there is the metaphor of the glaciers, and your mention of the definition of cleave.
Beautiful, simply beautiful.
Now, I normally don't like vague, as I'm a very visual person, so I normally like detail and crisp description, but this piece . . . I don't believe it's necessary. You deliver a strong product, and I can't say anything else but I love it.
Great work.
Happy New Year!
~Maddie
This poem is too wonderful to review!
Keep up the good work, Fortis!