If you read only the first lines, you get a shorter version. And the first letters of each last line spells WAIT PLEAS
I hate trying to guess with you.
I usually have a solid thought, a set-in-stone emotion.
With you I have to decipher, I have to decipher.
I remember how you hurt me.
I remember all the things you said, the things you did
And I don't want to remember, don't want to remember.
It just makes it so much harder,
Because when you ask for a second chance with me,
I don't know what to say to you, I don't know what to say.
You put me on a pedestal,
But you did the same thing so, so many months ago.
That worries me to no end, worries me to no end.
I'm afraid that I will fall and
You will just laugh and let me plummet down, down,
Praying I will find my own wings, find my own wings and fly.
I'll be lost in darkness too soon.
If I don't wipe away the tears and take a stand in faith,
Lift my head and speak my heart, lift my head and speak.
I'll take my chances though, and I'll
Jump over the edge of sanity, spread my wings, and fly.
Everything I do will have a purpose, will have a purpose.
Be strong--That's what I'll do.
I'll be the girl you know and love and I'll open up to you again.
All the things you did before don't matter, they don't matter.
I'll trust you, I'll believe in you.
It's time I stop running, face the fears I have.
So I'll have faith in what I'm feeling, in what I'm feeling.
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Canary word: Present
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140,866 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Hello there.
Nitpicks:
- Put a comma after 'you'. Also, I'm not sure if the repetition of the 'I have to decipher' is nice. >.< And they make the poem seem like a song xD. Same thing with the rest of repetitions in the poem. I think you could write them better. A few of the repetitions aren't really annoying though:
- I like the way you changed something in the repetitions in those lines I quoted.
- I think you should just put a period at the end of this line.
- Did you mean 'pedestal'? o.o
- I don't think you should put a comma after 'soon'.
- You had a typo after 'speak'. It's supposed to be a period, right?
- I think this'll work better if you used a hyphen instead of a comma after 'strong' like this: 'Be strong - That's what I'll do.'
- I think this'll be a stronger line if you used a period instead of a comma after the first 'you'.
- I think it's better if you wrote 'and' after 'running' instead of putting a comma.
I'm not sure if I actually like this poem. o.o It was a little too up and down for me. The emotion was there but I failed to completely feel it. Maybe, it's just me. Dunno. Also, I suggest rewriting the repetitions. Anyway, I like how the wording of the poem, how simple it is, the title, and the little trivia you said before the poem.
Sorry if I sounded rude.
Never stop writing!
That was a very nice poem, the doubled lines added some emphasis on the right areas. I could deffinitely feel that bridge in it where you decided to give him another chance. It wasn't the most original but still nice.
Keep writting! (I don't know why everyone here sais that, but still - keep writting!)
I like this poem. It has great emotion and detail. This sent me a message, to never give up in this kind of situation. It's great. It tells a small story, a girl trying to get over a guy but then a twist. I love it.
Keep Writing!
Nike