In this time, our dependance
Comes from technological things.
In our eyes, comfort is found
In the whirring of machines.
Stalkers and creepers, hiding in the pixels
Use this said weakness to score.
So charming, enticing, do they seem
That some find it hard to resist.
So no suprise is my secret
That I fell for the boy on the screen.
Of course I did, someone weak as I
Would always take the bait they supply.
Though I only know his username,
I know he's different. He's nice.
Intellectual, funny, smart, sweet, and true.
I trust him more than I should.
Believe me, I know the risks that I take
Everytime I start a chat with this boy.
But I know, just know that
He isn't a user, or a cheat.
You call it foolishness,
I just call it pure faith.
I trust in my heart that
he is exactly what his profile says.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Hello.
Here I am to review.
I like your concept and I think the title adds to the substance of this poem. It makes you see it in the context of the technological realm.
Now, that being said, I kind of wished to see more imagery of the technological kind in the poem. You only used it in your first stanza and just let the other stanzas float in the context you created with your title. I wish you used 'chat, google, connection, web' or whatever else in the rest of your stanzas to describe you relationship with the boy. It would have made this a more solid poem.
By the third stanza I feel like you completely abandoned the earlier image of an online relationship. Your words weren't showing it at all. I think a lot of reviewers on this site emphasize the importance of showing instead of telling in poetry. I think the fault of this poem is that it's too telling. It's a story in stanzas. Images are sorely lacking. I can't see their online relationship, I can't feel the unsure internet connection that is their sole bond.
I really think it's a good concept but I think making your imagery more solid will really make this poem soar.
--Nixie
You need a period at the end.
"Hiding has hunks"
should probably be "hiding as hunks"
Overall, it was good as always.
--Skis