A Poet's Land

by VousEsEtonnant

Published April 26, 2011

In poems

Imagine a world where
songs are all cherished.
Dream of a place where
poet's hearts won't perish.

In our souls the words
will be eternally etched,
Like whispers and sighs
that were captured and sketched.

In a whim we'de bring them
dancing, making the trip,
Drifting like essence
from our depths to our lips.

The pages of the world
would need to hold more
To compare to the verses
chisled in our core.

And they would not fade
like memories and dreams,
Our lives would be full of passion
bursting at the seams.

Think of a place where
words could build domes.
A place full of joy for all who write,
a place we all could call home.

Comments & reviews · 19
User avatar
victorydance
Review
victorydance wrote a review Review · May 4, 2011

This was excellent! After first reading it, your poem kind of reminded me of the song Imagine by John Lennon.
I really liked the lines "To compare to the verses/chisled in our core." I thought that was a very unique way of stating things.

ItsRainbowInked wrote a review Review · May 4, 2011

Evening, there.

Just saw this as a recommended for me, and read it.

It was beautiful, and the playful rhyming captured my heart. I like this poem - very much. Esspecially the third stanza,
but I find the last stanza's last line to be quite... Out of place? It sort of - in my very opinion - ruined the passionate voice of the poem, shifting to more distant voice.

The world described in the poem sounds like pure bliss however.

I personally don't find rhyming poems to be up my alley, but it seems that you're an exception. The imagery is very imaginative and dreamy, and the lines fit together very smoothly. There are a few spelling mistakes, but I believe that there's no need to point out and repeat what previous people had pointed out themselves.

Overall, this is one of the most professionally beautifully poetic poems I've read in my entire 13 years. Bravo! (: I wish best of luck to you, and hope that you could continue to write awesomely.

~ItsRainbowInked

User avatar
SkyeDreamer
Review
SkyeDreamer wrote a review Review · May 1, 2011

*clicking like button*
I really liked this. It felt kind of... free and whimsical to me. I'm not going to point out any changes; it seemed like you considered your word choice instead of just throwing some word in to make it rhyme, for the most part. Keep writing like this; it was really interesting

User avatar
Kwantack
Review
Kwantack wrote a review Review · May 1, 2011

I loved this! All of it! You did a fabulous job describing stuff and giving words an image, giving it depth. You had a lot of good vocabulary in this which really made thing whole thing interesting and certainly not overdone. But don't be afraid to add more exotic words and stuff. This is so cool. Great job, and keep up the awesome work!

User avatar
ehte92
Review
ehte92 wrote a review Review · May 1, 2011

Hello there.
I just found out that this piece of yours was in my reading list. So, here I am to give it a review.
I cannot assure that it would be of a major help to your because it is good as it is and any changes to it may disrupt the... um... glow, of the poem. But my job is to review so I have to give my opinions on it. So here we go.
You kept the whole piece very simple and lele said, very "poetic". Had a good rhyme scheme, had a great flow. All in all, it was great. And now on to some nitpicks.

Imagine a world where
songs are all cherished. all songs are cherished.
Dream of a place where
poet's hearts won't perish. You might want to add "a" at the starting of the line.

In our souls the words
will be eternally etched,
Like whispers and sighs
that were captured and sketched. I like the imagery in this stanza. It was really very good. I have nothing to point out over here.

In a whim we'de bring them In a whim we’d bring them
dancing, making the trip, By trip, did you mean the trip from depths to the lips?
Drifting like essence The d in drifting should be in smalls letter as it is a word after a comma.
from our depths to our lips. "from our depths to the pen’s tip." What do think of this?

The pages of the world
would need to hold more
To compare to the verses compared to the verses
chisled in our core. chiseled in our core.

And they would not fade
like memories and dreams,
Our lives would be full of passion
bursting at the seams. A good stanza. It was good but not great. Could have been better.

Think of a place where
words could build domes.
A place full of joy for all who write,
a place we all could call home. Leave out "all" from the line.


I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing. (:

User avatar
EtCetera
Review
EtCetera wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2011

It's good if I get a peaceful, hopeful feeling from a poem... 'Cause it's never coming from one of mine. I really like the idea... It reminds me of what heaven will be like one day... One thing I must note is that one thing you never really referred to (and this is totally me thinking of something that would fit next to seamlessly in your poem) is something about always having the perfect word. As a poet, I know the hardest thing to do is to find the perfect word to slide into a poem, but it's rare when I can find one I deem perfect. Obviously this is an idea that's just been bouncing around in my head, but consider maybe trying to tie that in. I'm sure other people commenting on this poem would agree that finding the perfect word is the only thing missing from your poem that would probably be a necessity in a poet's land. Thank you for this beautiful work and keep it up! (Which apparently you've done according to how everyone has reacted to you having the featured work. In that case, I look forward to competing for that slot with you.)

fireheartedkaratepup wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2011

From our depths to our lips? Huh? I mean, i get it, but...not really.....

And chisled isn't a a word. :P Chiseled is.

Overall, great poem.

Which is why you're featured.

Again.

For the third time.

In like a month.

Or maybe less.

CuteJackRussell wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2011

You wrote:

Imagine a world where
songs are all cherished.
Dream of a place where
poet's hearts won't perish.

In our souls the words
will be eternally etched,
Like whispers and sighs
that were captured and sketched.

In a whim we'de bring them
dancing, making the trip,
Drifting like essence
from our depths to our lips.

The pages of the world
would need to hold more
To compare to the verses
chisled in our core.

And they would not fade
like memories and dreams,
Our lives would be full of passion
bursting at the seams.

Think of a place where
words could build domes.
A place full of joy for all who write,
a place we all could call home.


I loved all of it!!!

User avatar
snickerdooly
Review
snickerdooly wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2011

I loved this poem so much! It created the most perfect image in my head, the rhyming was also really good and flowed really nicely and that is sometimes really difficult to do. Great job! I did not see any edits or problems in this piece it was simple yet breath taking :)
Peace,
Snickerdooly

Random avatar
dante93
Review
dante93 wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2011

This poem was good. Sounded like my dreams. There, however, is a Poet's land, our minds. That is the true land in which we all live in, writers that is. We are all connected by some force that shows us the world in a different. It is strange, yet awesome at the same time.

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CavieGirl28 Comment
CavieGirl28 commented Comment · Apr 27, 2011

Amazing! I loved the imagery you used and hope to see more of your poems soon Poor like button... I think I pressed him too hard! Haha, keep writing :)

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TamaraGoesRawr
Comment
TamaraGoesRawr commented Comment · Apr 27, 2011

Honestly this was one of the best I've read so far. The imaginary and the mental images you gave me, and probably most other people, we're vivid and happy. I can't wait to hear more from you. [:

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alwaysjustme
Review
alwaysjustme wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2011

Hi I love this poem. I think your hard work definatley payed off. It's beautiful and intresting. I liked they rythem of the poem and I think you did an excellent job of rhyming. I wish I could live in a poets land. Anyway if you ever want me to read or reviw something else of yours please just PM me.

User avatar
Jessa
Review
Jessa wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2011

Hey! I found one little typo in the thrid stanza,

In a whim we'de bring them --> we'de should be we'd
dancing, making the trip,
Drifting like essence
from our depths to our lips.


Other then this I liked it a lot. The images it painted in my mind were great! Keep it up!

-Jessa

User avatar
AmeliaCogin
Review
AmeliaCogin wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2011

Hello! I really loved this poem. It was subtle yet at the same time vivid. I normally dislike rhyming poetry, but it is totally your thing. The rhymes you used work very well and they flow beautifully. Well done - a really accomplished piece! Keep writing :)
And I'm on the *Like* button asap! lol
~ Amelia

Random avatar
lele253isme
Comment
lele253isme commented Comment · Apr 26, 2011

This poem is so poetically beautiful!!!! I think that you should keep writing, you make such awesome poems!!! This one is my favorite!!! I would love to live in that world!!!

KnightlyAngel09 wrote a review Review · Apr 26, 2011

Hello.:)

I really liked this poem. It was as if you were painting the world before my eyes as I read it. That's a testament to how vivid your imagery was. Your language was easy to read and overall this was a really charming poem.

I suppose just to be able to say something helpful, your rhyming could be better. I think it's really good as it is but this poem does get a little choppy from time to time. It flowed well for the most part except perhaps for your fifth and last stanza. The ending as well, I thought was a little weak. You used such clever metaphors and original images in the rest of your poem that it was quite anti-climactic when you used the cliche 'a place we could all call home' to wrap up your poem.

But again, I really liked this. You achieved quite a lot in this poem. I think it has an original concept and a really charming feel to it. Your rhyme is much better than a lot of other writers on here but it could still be better. I'd really love to read more from you.

--Nixie



Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author