Sorceress- Chapters 1, 2, and Prologue

Hi
So this is really really good by the way!!! But seeing as this is a review I need to mention a few things.

“The fae are the most beautiful. Theirs is a... wicked beauty.
Although this sentence makes perfect sense, it just somehow sounds weird… The word 'theirs' sounds a bit strange I'm not so sure whether you're referring to the fae or you're saying 'There is'

Also I feel that you're writing is too clumped up in paragraphs, its a bit confusing to read and kind of hurts my eyes, you should try splitting it up a bit, maybe into separate paragraphs.

Otherwise your writing is amazing and so is your story. It's completely original, which is something I definitely adore about it. I'm actually planning my own story right now which I am hopefully going to submit here sometime.

Anyways, good job and keep it up!!!
-Han8pym

Sorceress- Chapters 1, 2, and Prologue
Hello Aurora99,
This is Magenta here to review your prologue, first, and second chapters of Sorceress. I've probably already reviewed some of your works but it still seems that I've forgotten to welcome you. Welcome to YWS. You've only been here since the start of the new year and you've already done a ton of reviews and submitted several things! Great job. As with this review, I just have a few suggestions and comments to make as one would usually have after reading some wonderful work.

"Mehnkal, the Goddess of Good, looked at her sister Naith, the Goddess of Evil. “This world is beautiful.” She glanced around. “The fae are the most beautiful. Theirs is a... wicked beauty. Only the vampires are even close to their status. The weakest of our creations are the humans. They can barely smell, barely see. They are not able to phase from dimension to dimension.”"

Are these real? Is there really such a goddess that exists in some religion that I'm unaware of? I just want to make sure that I know what is and what isn't true. The fact that I don't know this proves that you are that good of a writer! What exactly are the fae? I just want to suggest clarifying these things somewhere in the beginning that way when you get into the chapters, you won't have to worry about bringing these things in and you can concentrate on the chapter solely. "Only the vampires are even close to their status"? I think that this should be adjusted because the sentence prior is explaining how beautiful they are but you compare the vampires in a better way than it should be. I know that probably didn't make sense but maybe you could write, "The vampires, in all their glory, could not amount to this". This way, you can tell the reader that vampires have a beauty, but that it isn't as good. When you wrote it, it was worded a bit differently.

"Mehnkal’s golden laugh cut through the air. “That’s just because you’re evil.” She smiled lovingly at her sister."

I think that this sentence seems a bit strange. We know that Naith is supposed to be evil and it just seems like they're too close to be opposites. Maybe you can develop the characters more?

You seem to capitalize the words that need emphasis when it might be better just to italicize them. I feel like they are yelling the words when it seems that you just want to show that they are important. There is also a lot of action and a lot of creatures. I don't think that humans, elves, vampires, gorgons, faeries, and such could live here without causing harm to one another. It just doesn't seem very realistic. I know that this isn't a realistic story,but perhaps you might consider changing some things?

Aside from those things, good job with this piece and keep on writing. I look forward to reviewing more of your work. Have you considered writing more poetry? You should!

~ Magenta