Sorceress, Chapter 3

Flame here!

I haven't read the previous chapters, but I noted your efforts to flesh out the characters, to develop the setting, establish an image in the reader's mind. This also flowed very well, the pacing well-measured.. The dialogue balanced out the action and narration. I'd just recommend breaking down some paragraphs, adding a little more imagery when necessary ("words are pegs to hang ideas on"). Otherwise--fabulous job. I also caught subtle hints of humor, marking this as unique, not a twist off of the Twilight saga, like all the vampire novels are like today.

“Miles!” Are you back?”

This is great!! The tale is flowing along well, and it has a pretty good plot so far.
I like that you switched the point of view in the beginning, and gave Daniel a turn in the spotlight. I'm sensing a bit of... love interest?

There were a couple things that could be looked at.
In the part where Aurora is running away, I was thinking that if Blathen could have a full circle of men just waiting to capture Aurora outside the castle, couldn't he have stationed some of them outside the doors to the ballroom?
Later on, I was a bit confused at what was going on with Sarah. When you wrote, "I receive it in the form of a scream- above me." When I read that, I thought that Sarah was falling down onto them. Even though you wrote that there was no hole in the ceiling of the cave, it's magic. There doesn't have to be a hole. So maybe you could make it a little more clear that Sarah wasn't going to come through.
When they were in the tunnel, you wrote, "I pick up two knives and grasp them." Where did she get the knives? I can understand Nate having a sword, but who had knives?
Nothing you can't fix.

As I said before, this is great!!! I'm going to keep reading it, as long as you keep writing it!!
Keep up the good work!