Ignore

Alright, so first thing I'd suggest, simplify your works so we actually know what is chapter one and what isn't chapter one. Put a date in the title or something to point to which one is the most recent. That's going to help people actually find the right story to read. I don't think I read the right chapter one before this. The one I did read, I liked that the post was short because that made it easier to review.

Overall I think you have some good habits inhere, with describing things and showing us the surrounding areas. You do a good job dropping us into something that's not reality, but not completely separate from it either. I like that you're including multiple types of mythical creatures right off the get go, elves, fae, vampires, and so forth, but I'd really like to see more description of their actual forms to help us remember what is who and where is what on each of the types. As for our fae girl, I'm not sure I like that she's a vampire/fae because it just seems too True Blood which is a HBO show which did just that as well. Having that duality causes something that makes a person possibly way overpowered. You don't have your girl completely god-modded out, which is nice, but having the temptation to do that is going to be difficult. Also I think that vampires are sort of like the 'go to' for everything and they've become something of a joke since Twilight came out.

You do have some issues with variety of sentences. At the beginning you were repeating your verbs such as "she sent me" and "I sent her" when really you just had to say "she smiled" and "I waved" creating these complex sentences like that is just going to make you run out of things to say. You don't keep to doing it later, just at the beginning that I noticed.

Also it's typical format not to have an entire text bolded. Our browsers individually will pick how we want to read everything and having this story bolded sort of hurt my eyes.

So far, I think that this book has a lot of potential. You use practically expert wording, and you describe her relationship with others very well. I love Aurora's rebellious streak; it fits really well with her character, even when she's struggling with the weight of the impending bankruptcy. She comes across as someone the reader can sort of relate to.

Something I don't quite understand is how quickly Miles and Aurora brush off what happened with Blathen. Blathen attacked her, but after his attack, Miles and Aurora just talk about other things as they walk along, and the incident isn't really mentioned afterwords. I suppose it wouldn't be as much of a shock if it had happened before, but if I was in Miles' shoes, I would be fuming. I like to put myself in my character's shoes, just to see if their reaction is realistic. It usually works, but I have to be careful not to make all of the characters have the same personality.

You did really well! I'm definitely going to keep reading.
Keep up the good work!!