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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hola, Moose here for a quick review.
The whole feel of this is very graceful, as if it is a ballgown- it has a very fantastical, magical element to it. There are a few places where it could be smoothed over, but... wow.
I did have one place where I stumbled a little, at
Where the ending of the dialogue could be punctuated with a question mark, as well as
To be specific.
That was just about it! Overall, this is fabulous work.
I would love to read more!
Cheers!
Moose
Wow, this is really good! I'm just hooked on these stories, can't wait to find out what will happen next!
Overall, this is really good and it flows well. But, there are a few places where it wouldn't hurt to read it over and fix some things up. I say what you should work on doing is slowly reading it out loud to see how it flows, and just clean it up wherever it needs it. For example, here: "I preferred to wash myself, but then again, I had no say in it," it should read, "I prefer to...". Just stuff like that that needs fixing. You're doing great, keep it up!
I'll be on the lookout for Ch. 3! Keep up the good work! Happy writing