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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
I've been gone for far too long. o__o I see I have a lot of catching up to do! xD
Cut the indicated.
I suppose I can't pretend to understand Ariana's motives. She sneaks on the ship, hides from the crew, then decides to approach one of them? How does this guard not recognize her? What's more is: is she getting desperate? Rather than sneak around the brig and look for him, she comes up to the prison guard and pretends to be a stowaway mortal that can only eat fae food.
About the fae thing -- what significance does that have? I'm sure that the guard would've noticed if one of the crew members was on a special diet. If he could only eat fae food, then there's no way the crew couldn't know about that. I feel like that has a big plot hole in there, so I suggest you try to fill it up.
I'm curious to see how this is gonna go. I'm surprised the pirate didn't demand payment up front or, at the very least, a fixed pay; as in, he demands to know how much Ariana's gonna give him.
Off to read the next chapter.
~Iggy
The fae thing is Arianna's randomly made-up story to get past the pirate's guard. I didn't include the payment because I didn't feel it was needed, but I guess it makes more sense to me.
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
How do you only have one review on this chapter? *shakes head* People are lame.
I had to go back and reread the last chapter 'cause I read it so long ago -_- But I refreshed my memory so I could give a good review of this chapter.
I would've really liked to see more description in this chapter. What exactly does the ship look like? How cramped is the cubby hole that she's been spending all this time in? Details, details, details. I had a general idea in my mind of what the ship looked like, but I'd like to know specifics. How does it differ from her ship? And how much is she freaking out that she is stuck in this ship? Just some general stuff that I want to know more about.
Pies seems to have pointed out all of the typos you've made so I'm going to stick with the characters and plot. Not that I usually review for grammar and spelling but whatever. I think you're doing a good job keeping up the development of your MC (I'm embarrassed to say that I forget her name. I know it's not Liv...). I like how we get to see her knowledge of pirates and the way ships work by talking to the man on guard. He says he's in good favor with the captain, but he's really not and she can tell since he's not following the captain around. It's just a simple comment, but it's so important in the development of your MC.
Alrighty then, I'm onto the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey Aurora! I’m here for your review! Finally~! I have one thing I want to poke you on before we move into the more meaty parts of the review. At least, the parts i like better, but let’s not ramble anymore. Also I don’t have much to pick this week! YAY!
You have a hundred and sixty eight hours to write! Edit, edit, edit. I know we tire of editing sometimes, but hey, these things help us improve! Now on to the nitpicks.
Here is a tip for you. Read aloud everything before you post. Just once. Read it out aloud and tell me what's wrong with this sentence.
Second thing. If she stole their liquor, then how can she do it every time? They must be pretty restless to leave the room often enough in two hours for her to get drunk. And what kind of a pirate gets impatient?
That must be a real dusty room in order for you to count specks. Or is this a manifestation of her drunkenness?
Multiple typos. Also a brig is a double square-rigged masted ship. I think she’s already on the brig. I think you mean bridge.
The rest of your story is mostly dialogue, and pretty awesome dialogue at that. I can’t pick grammar there because I really don’t know if it’s the accent or not!
Keep Writing!