I Wish I Was A Dog

Hey... *waves with a goofy grin*

"I'd finally be free!

~

Well, maybe."

Let's hope you don't become a domestic dog... if you ever become one.

The poem was light-hearted and fun to read and very relatable (because, many would agree about the positivity in not going to school). The frustration of the poet has been expressed in a very humorous way which I personally admire.

There isn't anything that I can criticize, the structure is fine, the flow is not forced... it was pretty good and simple. The simple vocabulary used in the poem suits it.

Keep up the good work!

Interesting...

What if I was a dog?/Than I won't go to school. "Than" is supposed to be "Then".

I don't really understand why you italicized "that" a few times. What exactly are you trying to express through those italics?

One last correction: I think that some of your commas could be periods instead, because some of them make the two lines that are connected through them seem kind of run-on-ish.

Since you wanted some ideas, maybe you could make up some lines about as a dog, you can sort of roam around and explore things. Also, you could maybe talk about getting to sleep whenever you want (sleep is great!).

hi there, its Rituparna for a review.
your poem was very cute and sweet. its like the imaginations of a child. i really likes your thought , i guess you have a good pet to inspire you for this .
coming to the nitpicking part- your repetitions if the like " i wish i was a dog" does emphasize your thought but i feel its a little over done. try to work on that and it will cut short a few less important lines. then i feel you need to go a bit deeper in this poem to really show what the odds and good part is. try reading it and being your own judge and i am sure you will get what i meant.
you have good potential so try on and on and you will do very well
Rituparna

This is adorable~ xD Nice job, Sunday!

wow this is great. Simple yet very relaxing to read. I enjoyed it very much. I wish I was a dog also haha. I agree with all of your points and I sometimes wish that was how easy life was for all of us. For my personal wish I would like to be a wolf. That would be cool to. Or a cat haha. I didn't really see anything wrong with it at all. I love the ending like you still have hope that one day you might just get what you want out of life. Keep writing these I love them very much. I hope you get to be a dog soon _WXA_

Hi,
this poem was cute but I feel it lacked quite a bit. A lot of what is sad doesn't make a lot of sense and seems to be more focused on the rhyming. Also I feel the repitition in the first two verses of 'that would be pretty cool' isn't actually a technique and comes across as a sort of last resort when you ran out of rhymes, maybe you could try replacing one of these with something else?

My favourite part of the poem is the last line: 'well, maybe' I think it adds a little humor or at least it did in the way I read it. Also, it kind of sorts the issue of a few things in it not quite relating to the life of a dog. Its quite peculiar but sweet. Keep writing, my friend!

-plathonstone

Hello Sunset101,
Myjaspercat here for a review...

So I don't have much to start off with other then; lets get to it...

I wish I was a dog,
that would be pretty cool. how would being a dog be cool?
I wish I was a dog,
instead I am a fool.
~
What if I was a dog?
Than I won't go to school.
So these two lines seem weird when I read them. Like they are a little two wordy. I would suggest phrasing them something along the lines of 'If I was a dog/I wouldn't go to school.' But just remember that this is your poem and it is your opinion on how you want to phrase the lines.
Getting no more bad grades,
that would be pretty cool.
~
I wish I was a dog,
I'd lay around all day.
I wish I was a dog,
Then I might get my way.
~
What if I was a dog?
No one'll one will bother me.
That would be so great,
I'd finally be free! <-The overly exclaimed emotion here feels to fake for me to believe. If you change around the wording then I think that it would work better,
~
Well, maybe I think I like the ending more then anything else here in the poem. The reason is because I can kind of feel you contradicting every thing you said, like you believe that if you were a dog then all of the things you said would come true but by the time you are finished thinking about it you aren't so sure about it anymore. (or that is how I perceived the poem).