Swatting and spraying,
the mosquito buzzes around.
Looking for the darn thing,
nothing to be found.
-
All I can hear
is the buzz it will make,
before it dives down,
wanting to take.
-
"Shoo, shoo," I say,
then I swear,
the mosquito takes a dive,
but I slap him in midair.
-
Looking at the sight,
of a mashed up bug
in my sweaty hand,
slimy like a slug.
-
Then I hear
a familiar sound,
of more mosquitos
buzzing around.
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139,004 Literary Works • 672,396 Reviews
Hello!
I love short poems like this!! 
(sort of reminds me of Shel Silverstein's 
) I only have one little nitpick! 
Great job, and keep writing! 
This is hilarious!
"All I can hear,
is the buzz it will make,
before it dives down,
wanting to take."
I don't understand the 'wanting to take' part of this. Or maybe it's just me...It just doesn't make the sense to me.
Other than that, I thought this was really nice!
~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc...
Stay awesome
Thanks... I couldn't decide what to put there.
Hello Sunset101,
I love this poem! It's so funny yes so true. I have to say because it's becoming summer every morning now I seem to wake up with another bite. In the second stanza,
All I can hear
is the buzz that it makes,
before it dives down,
wanting to take.
You try to rhyme makes and take, which just doesn't work. Try to rework it so that it rhymes makes and takes instead. Overall this is a lovely poem and there is a mosquito in my room right now (why!!). As always, keep writing.
-Incohesive Scribbles
Thanks for the review!
The title actually attracted me towards the poem. A good start. A good title is always a good way for a story or a poem to be noticed. In poems like this it's good if there's a refrain.I was pretty sad it ended so fast. I just wanted to read more and more. where I live there mosquitoes everywhere and sometimes I kill like 20 in a minute. That's my best record so far.
It rhymes pretty well.You could have included metaphors.I thought I was the only one who can't see the darn thing even if I can here it.This poem is like a ghost movie , when you think the ghost is dead and at the end BOOM! there it is again.
Haha, I love how you are relating this with a ghost movie.
I was thinking about adding metaphors, but then I changed my mind. Good luck on getting a mosquito record! 
thnx.
Adel here to review!
I enjoyed reading your poem, mostly because I can relate to it. Were I live mosquitos are found by the swarms. Minuet I walk out the door, I am given a rather to friendly greeting. I liked the last stanza the most. It wrapped the whole poem up nicely.
I can't find any other mistakes that hasn't been mentioned.
Keep up the great work Sunshine!
I will
Heya Sunset!!
This is Eros here!
I read your lovely work, "Mosquitos". It is a poem based on mosquitos which tries to truble you and you shoo them away.You try to get rid of them by some means or the other.You try to catch them or kill them by hitting them with your hands.
The poem is full of a figure of speech, Ornometophrea--where we can feel the efect of sounds created like here it is buzzing of he mosquitoes.The buzzing of the mosquitoes is expressed in a beautiful way:
"The mosquitoes buzz around "
You have written the poem in a wonderful and expressive way.Your style of writing is easy to understand and I cannot see any flaw here
As far as i can see there is no flaw in your poem...
You are doing great! Keep writing and we will keep loving your poems and other stuffs...
Thanks!
Hey! I like what you got here. It is quick, smooth, and not rough, as some poetry tend to be (my poetry). It rhymes well, maybe except for "makes" and "take". But that is an exception sometimes. Poetry sometimes have that, which is no big deal. I don't know what else to say. you did a good job. I like short, sweet, and to the point.
Good luck and keep writing!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
Hello there Sunset101! Selina here to review some of your hilarious/realistic work!
First off I just wanted to say that this poem was very well written, you did an amazing job on that. It was also very hilarious! Stupid mosquitoes are already here, its crazy! Not as bad since we haven't had much rain but I am sure they'll come in hordes after the shower we are supposed to have :/
I have to say the most annoying thing in the entire world is when mosquitoes are flying around as your all cuddle up in bed. They buzz in your ear and then when you try and slap it, it goes silent so you don't know where it is! I swear those things are smart!
My favorite part of the poem -
" Swatting and spraying,
the mosquito buzzes around.
Looking for the darn thing,
nothing to be found."
You did a great job! Keep writing, you made me smile today =p
~SelinaTheMosquitoKiller
Thanks so much!
Welcome!
I see you have a good ear for rhythm, my friend. I like the sharp building up to a critical point, but then the surprise ending really turned things around. Very nice. Very Simple.
Thank you!
Hello!
Ah, those sneaky little pests... Mosquitos. This is very relatable because I'm fairy certain all of us here have been bitten by a mosquito at least once... And they're not too fun.
So, you told me your wrote this very quickly. Really? This seems pretty good; at least for a "quick" poem.
Your rhythm drops a little in this stanza. The first two lines are fine, but the next two aren't as string. I think you could keep the rhyme, it's very humorous like all your others. It's mostly the third line that's irking me. It's too short, add an adjective or something in there. Adding an adjective adds imagery to your poem, too, not just filling up a rhythm space.
I really enjoyed this poem! It was cute and creative, very different from all the other poems here. I also love your rhyme scheme, it's very simple. It could have use some work on it though. It's almost too simple. But it's very nice and adds a good rhythm to your poem nonetheless.
Keep writing!
~ EternalRain
Thanks for your review - I revised that third line you mentioned about. Hope you like it better now :p
Awesome
Great:D
Hi Sunset101!
I can definitely sympathise with this narrative.
Haha, this is such a nice, funny piece! Yes I think you were right about labeling this piece "realistic", it definitely is!
And I think everyone can relate to this poem! I like the use of rhyme, it works brilliantly with the humorous theme. The lovely ending works with the humor flow too
Keep writing, especially funny pieces like this!
theb00kthi3f
Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it!