You must know
This sky is so clear
The sounds of the birds
distracted
me
As I
Watched the skies
twirl around me
I was down on my knees
Looking up
twirling and twirling
dirty knees
and that annoying mr.
blue sky
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140,680 Literary Works • 673,590 Reviews
Hey Stegosaurus,
MergSword here with a review!
I might as well try to review most of these Dirty Knees, Cloudy Skies poems and parodies.
So let's begin shall we. Why yes the cloud is so very clear.
Okay so how come this seems more like the skies than the knees. Why not give the precious knees some respect, without them you couldn't walk. What does the sky do? Uh- it gives us something to stare at is the best I got.
Is that a typo on the last stanza.
Anyway, I just love dirty knees cloudy skies poems.
Hey! Okay so I have a tendency to be out of the loop-
What's with this whole 'dirty knees, cloudy skies' trend? I've asked a few other people and apparently I'm not the only one confused. Anybody have an answer? It would be much appreciated.
*shrugs*
HEY I AM IN NO WAY AN EXPERT IN THE FIELD OF POETRY SO FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD MY OPINION. I liked it. There a simple review for a simple poem. That I think is its strength. IT IS VERY SIMPLE. And I realy liked it. Again as with the others I wonder why It ended a bit in the air(if you can excuse my pun). It just seems a bit like the story was cut short like your internet got cut while you where writing. I would actually like if you added a bit more ...I mean its a great read and this shold not end so soon.
BUT this could be considered a GOOD idea if your gole was more focused on the readers feeling than their opinion... The suddenness of the end creates a sense of confusion or uncurtinty... Which I consider to be quite a goal to reach if ...that was your goal.
Anyway as stated I AM NO PRO so please feel free to consider my words nonsense and just know you are good and myself I am unable to see your true intention. Call me stupid and please PLEASE write more ...I would love to review you again(-;.
HEY I AM IN NO WAY AN EXPERT IN THE FIELD OF POETRY SO FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD MY OPINION. I liked it. There a simple review for a simple poem. That I think is its strength. IT IS VERY SIMPLE. And I realy liked it. Again as with the others I wonder why It ended a bit in the air(if you can excuse my pun). It just seems a bit like the story was cut short like your internet got cut while you where writing. I would actually like if you added a bit more ...I mean its a great read and this shold not end so soon.
BUT this could be considered a GOOD idea if your gole was more focused on the readers feeling than their opinion... The suddenness of the end creates a sense of confusion or uncurtinty... Which I consider to be quite a goal to reach if ...that was your goal.
Anyway as stated I AM NO PRO so please feel free to consider my words nonsense and just know you are good and myself I am unable to see your true intention. Call me stupid and please PLEASE write more ...I would love to review you again(-;.
Hey, Stegosaurus!
So I actually really liked this poem. This has a certain feeling to it that I can't really grasp, but I love it! Should I call it abstract?
Well, anyway. First of all - as another reviewer mentioned, I'm a bit confused by what's going on in the poem. There's the imagery, of course, which looks pretty good. But it's just that : an image in my head that doesn't really go anywhere. Of course, if that was what you intended, I apologize and you can ignore my advice.
Secondly, the ending confused me more.
dirty knees
and that annoying mr.
blue sky
Did you mean to say, Mr. Blue sky? Or is that 'mr.' just there? And I am also confused by why you would suddenly say that the sky is annoying when you have been complimenting it all along.
Don't take anything I said too straight to heart! They are mere suggestions and you should take them only if you see them as fitting. Although I saw some spots for improvement here and there, I still liked this poem. Great work!
Mephis
Thank you!
Heya steg.
So you have some interesting images here, but I feel like they aren't coming together properly.
I can't get a clear picture at all of what's going on in this poem. There's skies and twirling, and knees and birds... but I'm not sure what's happening. I can't put it in clearer terms than that. Because of this, it's rather hard to review. I'm not sure what your aim was here.
I like the way you started. Stanza one really drew me in. I kind of wish that the rest of this was also addressed to this "you" character.
at the end, you refer to the sky as "annoying" but I'm not seeing why the main character thinks of the sky as annoying. I'd like to see more depth into that.
Also fleshing out the emotion would be good to. I'm getting catches of something. Exhaustion maybe, confusion? insanity? annoyance? By putting in more connotative words and poetic language (similes, metaphors, analogies etc.) I think you could really bring the quality of this poem up.
I hope this was able to help you somewhat. Let me know if you need any further help with this.
Keep writing!
~fortis