Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Oooh this story is really starting to intensify now isn't it...team jellybeans going right to the den of team evil cookies, a lot of fun reading this as always, anyway more details down below as always..

And let's get right to it,

KIT

Hey Gus, hi Sebastian! So the reason why I've called you both here to our super awesome treehouse headquarters is... (pauses for dramatic effect) cookies!

GUS

COOKIES! YOU BROUGHT COOKIES! WHERE?! (Claps hands in excitement)

KIT

(groans) Oh, sorry, Gus. I didn't bring any cookies today; what I meant was the cookies on the news! The "super sugary" ones.

GUS

Oh, bummer. But why are we talking about some cookies when we could be eating them?

KIT

Well, I don't think you want to be eating these particular cookies. Those bakers didn't act like normal adults. In fact, the way they started fighting each other at the end... they seemed more like kids on a sugar rush!

SEBASTIAN

And what was the whole, "Too good to be poisonous" slogan? It doesn't quite add up.

KIT

No, it doesn't. So what should we do about it?

GUS

Whenever I have a question about something I ask. Maybe we could ask them? I believe they are currently selling in our area. While we're there we could even try out a cookie! (Licks lips)

KIT

(looks at Gus) Uhh, personally I like to stay away from suspicious cookies, but checking out the bake sale sounds like a good idea. What do you think, Sebastian?

SEBASTIAN

Sure. Seems like our only lead at this point.

KIT

It's settled, then. I'll ask my parents if we can go right now!

A few minutes later...

(The three and their parents were walking along when suddenly the parents stop. Their eyes widen and they start to smile goofily.)

KIT

...Mom? Dad? Are you okay?

KITS PARENTS

You know what... We're going to go have some fun! You kids do whatever you want! In fact, take this! (All six parents give the kids each a credit card)

KIT

You all are acting really weird... (looks at the credit card) Well, I guess I'm not complaining-- that'll make our investigation a lot easier! (waves at parents) Thanks, and have fun, Mom and Dad! (The three kids then walked over to the bake-sale and waited in the long line until their turn came.)

MINION

(starts to hand the kids some cookies)

KIT

(frowns at the cookies) Uh, no thanks. Actually, do you know where we can find the guys running this bakesale?

MINION

Vex and Shurge? Methinks they're thalking abouth shuper shecret shtuff behindeth that van. (points to one of three vans nearby, then gulps) Oh noes, they shaid noth to thalk abouth that... (looks at kids) Forgeth I shaid anything, okayeth?

(The three kids then look at each other and nod)

KIT

(turns to minion) Don't worry, we'll definitely forget! Kids have super short memories. (winks at Gus and Sebastian)

SEBASTIAN

You know, we should go over there and play on that tree! (Points at a tree behind the vans)

KIT

Great idea, Sebastian! (starts to walk to the tree)

GUS

Wait but I- (Turns to minion) Could I have a cookie? Or maybe two?

MINION

(nods enthusiastically and hands Gus a whole platter of cookies)

GUS

(Gasps in excitement) THANK YOU! (Shoves a couple into his mouth and follows KIT and SEBASTIAN)

Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,

Mailice here with a new review!

I'm glad to read the acts in double pact, as it's just one of those texts you read to take your mind off things. It's such a typical "feel-good story" kind of like a certain piece of music that you read to feel better.

CIS
Oh, bummer. But why are we talking about some cookies when we could be eating them?

Well, I don't think you want to be eating these particular cookies. Those bakers didn't act like normal adults.

MINION
(starts to hand the kids some cookies)

Why do I feel like the cookies were poisoned.. 0-0


This was a really fun script to read !! I usually hate reading scripts as it's basically just dialogue, but I still thought this really holds up !

the humour was on point, the characters have really clear personalities and voice and the way each of them interact with each other is really fun and interesting to read. You should make a play out of this, I'd totally watch it

The only little thing I'd like to point out, is the name Minion. I didn't read the other acts so maybe it doesn't mean anything, but I'm pretty sure h's called Minion because he's the cookie dealers' minion, right ?
But tbh, if you're trying to foreshadow with that name, it's kinda not gonna work. It's just not subtle. It's like if a character sees a smaller dollhouse of his house burn, foreshadowing the burning of his one house, it's kinda obvious. and takes away from the dramatic effect of the twist.

This is a script that's not supposed to be dramatic tho, so I guess it works to call a minion Minion, but like, in future more serious works, be careful of that


Good day and good continuation with this story !!

Hello MapleWay! Here to give a review.

Your play is really fun! I am already a fan of it. Um...Gus will be gonna controlled by them. Isn't it? After that, will Gus be the one to feed the other two? Quite suspicious. I have a few suggestions.

For Sebastian, can you make a short name? And yes, who is this Minion? I think I have heard this name before also in your play, but can you pls recapitulate?
I don't have anything more to say. It's going awesome and can you pls tag me on the next?? You two are really working hard.

~Forever

Check out the previous acts!

(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1

(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2

(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3