Act 4
Setting: The local park
KIT
Hey Gus, hi Sebastian! So the reason why I've called you both here to our super awesome treehouse headquarters is... (pauses for dramatic effect) cookies!
GUS
COOKIES! YOU BROUGHT COOKIES! WHERE?! (Claps hands in excitement)
KIT
(groans) Oh, sorry, Gus. I didn't bring any cookies today; what I meant was the cookies on the news! The "super sugary" ones.
GUS
Oh, bummer. But why are we talking about some cookies when we could be eating them?
KIT
Well, I don't think you want to be eating these particular cookies. Those bakers didn't act like normal adults. In fact, the way they started fighting each other at the end... they seemed more like kids on a sugar rush!
SEBASTIAN
And what was the whole, "Too good to be poisonous" slogan? It doesn't quite add up.
KIT
No, it doesn't. So what should we do about it?
GUS
Whenever I have a question about something I ask. Maybe we could ask them? I believe they are currently selling in our area. While we're there we could even try out a cookie! (Licks lips)
KIT
(looks at Gus) Uhh, personally I like to stay away from suspicious cookies, but checking out the bake sale sounds like a good idea. What do you think, Sebastian?
SEBASTIAN
Sure. Seems like our only lead at this point.
KIT
It's settled, then. I'll ask my parents if we can go right now!
A few minutes later...
(The three and their parents were walking along when suddenly the parents stop. Their eyes widen and they start to smile goofily.)
KIT
...Mom? Dad? Are you okay?
KITS PARENTS
You know what... We're going to go have some fun! You kids do whatever you want! In fact, take this! (All six parents give the kids each a credit card)
KIT
You all are acting really weird... (looks at the credit card) Well, I guess I'm not complaining-- that'll make our investigation a lot easier! (waves at parents) Thanks, and have fun, Mom and Dad! (The three kids then walked over to the bake-sale and waited in the long line until their turn came.)
MINION
(starts to hand the kids some cookies)
KIT
(frowns at the cookies) Uh, no thanks. Actually, do you know where we can find the guys running this bakesale?
MINION
Vex and Shurge? Methinks they're thalking abouth shuper shecret shtuff behindeth that van. (points to one of three vans nearby, then gulps) Oh noes, they shaid noth to thalk abouth that... (looks at kids) Forgeth I shaid anything, okayeth?
(The three kids then look at each other and nod)
KIT
(turns to minion) Don't worry, we'll definitely forget! Kids have super short memories. (winks at Gus and Sebastian)
SEBASTIAN
You know, we should go over there and play on that tree! (Points at a tree behind the vans)
KIT
Great idea, Sebastian! (starts to walk to the tree)
GUS
Wait but I- (Turns to minion) Could I have a cookie? Or maybe two?
MINION
(nods enthusiastically and hands Gus a whole platter of cookies)
GUS
(Gasps in excitement) THANK YOU! (Shoves a couple into his mouth and follows KIT and SEBASTIAN)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Oooh this story is really starting to intensify now isn't it...team jellybeans going right to the den of team evil cookies, a lot of fun reading this as always, anyway more details down below as always..
And let's get right to it,
Very appropriate level of excitement for cookies there...I like this man already...
This is clearly a person that has his priorities straight, eating cookies is definitely much more important here...
Hmm...the first bits of genuine logic that we have here...oooh this is getting exciting now...
Terrible strategy to look for poisonous cookies but it does seem like it would lead to a lot of fun, that's for sure.
Hmm...they can't possibly come to any harm of course...
That's definitely not good...oh dear...the cookies are gaining the upper hand I see...
On the bright side, this is quite convenient for team jellybeans.
The minions are definitely very efficient at carrying out the evil plan.
Ohh...nevermind we have our classic evil minions here....giving away totally useless
Oh dear...well at least it well help not blow their cover here.
Uh oh...team cookies has landed the first hit I see....what will happen to team jellybeans in the next act of this....ahhh....well I'll definitely get around to reviewing that tomorrow.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: As always this was a blast to read, and I can't wait to see what happens next. This is primed to have some really exciting action soon by the looks of it.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks so much for the kind review! It means a lot that you are enjoying our story! @Spearmint and I are working hard!
Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,
Mailice here with a new review!
I'm glad to read the acts in double pact, as it's just one of those texts you read to take your mind off things. It's such a typical "feel-good story" kind of like a certain piece of music that you read to feel better.
I keep asking myself why we should talk about something sweet when we could be eating it...
Oho! A very valuable piece of information we receive. I had imagined both brothers to be a bit like Willy Wonka and the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. Just something very quirky, strange and a bit funny.
Here I might have wanted (or somewhere else in the script) to have had a brief explanation of what the stall looks like, the van etc, as Kit was introduced in Act 3, there could certainly have been a brief comment like that here about the Minion.
I noticed that this act was a bit too short (or I read too fast). The transitions were good, and I think leaving off right where you left off is a very good cliffhanger, but nonetheless, it felt like something was missing here in the act. (Still, it was very good).
I really like Kit, Gus and Sebastian. You managed to put in these three characters in the last act and distinguish them right away, which is very good right now in the park scene.
You really stop at a very exciting scene and I'm very happy to read on. Apart from that, I really can't say much more. I just really like the story. It has just the right amount of humour and wit that makes it easy to go from one laugh to the next grin.
Have fun baking cookies!
Mailice.
Thanks for the kind review!
I'll take a look at a couple of the great points you made and try to improve the act! And I'm glad you are enjoying it! Me and @Spearmint are working hard on it!
Why do I feel like the cookies were poisoned.. 0-0
This was a really fun script to read !! I usually hate reading scripts as it's basically just dialogue, but I still thought this really holds up !
the humour was on point, the characters have really clear personalities and voice and the way each of them interact with each other is really fun and interesting to read. You should make a play out of this, I'd totally watch it
The only little thing I'd like to point out, is the name Minion. I didn't read the other acts so maybe it doesn't mean anything, but I'm pretty sure h's called Minion because he's the cookie dealers' minion, right ?
But tbh, if you're trying to foreshadow with that name, it's kinda not gonna work. It's just not subtle. It's like if a character sees a smaller dollhouse of his house burn, foreshadowing the burning of his one house, it's kinda obvious. and takes away from the dramatic effect of the twist.
This is a script that's not supposed to be dramatic tho, so I guess it works to call a minion Minion, but like, in future more serious works, be careful of that
Good day and good continuation with this story !!
Thanks for the review! And no, his name is not minion. He is just Vex and Surge's minion.
Hello MapleWay! Here to give a review.
Your play is really fun! I am already a fan of it. Um...Gus will be gonna controlled by them. Isn't it? After that, will Gus be the one to feed the other two? Quite suspicious. I have a few suggestions.
For Sebastian, can you make a short name? And yes, who is this Minion? I think I have heard this name before also in your play, but can you pls recapitulate?
I don't have anything more to say. It's going awesome and can you pls tag me on the next?? You two are really working hard.
~Forever
Thanks for the review! Of course, I'll tag you! And the minion doesn't have a name. They just call him minion.
Nameless!!!
Check out the previous acts!
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3