Act 6
Setting: The treehouse of the three kids.
(The three kids sat there in silence thinking about what to do. It had been a week since the brothers left and they haven't thought of anything to do yet.)
GUS
(Sniffs) I miss my parents. My mom used to tuck me in every night and give me a little biscuit. Now I can't even get one if I wanted to. They're on the top shelf...
KIT
(looks sadly at the floor) I miss my parents too. They're like zombies, just wandering around with those silly looks on their faces. And I can't live on cereal and bread forever...
SEBASTIAN
(Scowls) It's not fair. Why do we have to suffer just because they want to rule the world. I want to rule the world but I don't actually try and do it. If I did I would be making life unfair for many other people.
KIT
Exactly, Sebastian. (sighs) But... I guess adults can be power-hungry sometimes... and they do stupid things for that power. (Shakes head and straightens up) Anyways, let's not get all depressed, hope isn't lost yet, right?
SEBASTIAN
Well were not going to stop them just the three of us. They have lots of tech and lots of minions anyways. Only if we had more peop- (Suddenly there is a knock on the door) Huh? (SEBASTIAN gets up to answer it.) Hello
(A little girl looking about the age of five stood there with a little worn out stuffed bunny)
LITTLE GIRL
Um. Hello... Could you please help me. My parents are acting all wacky and won't lisen to anything I ask. They just run around all day...
KIT
(looks sadly at the girl) Yeah, that's how the world is right now... Well, why don't you come in? Maybe we can think of something together. What's your name?
LITTLE GIRL
(hugs bunny tighter) My name is Annie. What's yours?
KIT
I'm Kit, and this is Gus and Sebastian. (gestures at the other kids) Right now we're trying to figure out how to take the bad guys down. Any ideas?
SEBASTIAN
Wait. If she wasn't affected either than maybe there are others!
KIT
Oh! If all the children in America weren't affected... that means... we could potentially have an army to fight with!
GUS
An army of sugar filled kids.
SEBASTIAN
This might just work!
KIT
(in a bossy voice) All right, everyone! First course of action, gather as many unaffected children as you can and meet back here. It's time to stop moping and start working! Whatcha waiting for? Let's get to it! (waves the other kids out of the treehouse, then climbs down herself)
(All of the kids took one direction and began searching. A couple of hours later they had checked all over town and returned to the treehouse with a crowd of children.)
SEBASTIAN
Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine! Thiry-nine kids!
KIT
Awesome! (stands on tippy toes and looks at the crowd) Okay, y'all! Thanks for coming here today! As you know, something strange has happened to our parents, and we need to fix it pronto. Soon. Right this instant. (jabs a finger into her palm) WITHOUT HESITATION! (takes a breath, calms down) Ahem. Anyways, our targets are the two brothers running this thing. We need to stop them from making more cookies. And hopefully they'll have a way to cure the sugar disease too!
GUS
Sounds great Kit! But how are we going to gather all of the kids in the USA? We can't just look for all of them. And we can't walk either. My body isn't cut out for it.
KIT
Well... I could probably figure out how to drive my parents' car, but I'm not sure how to gather all the kids. Seb, what do you think?
SEBASTIAN
Well when the brothers wanted to spread the news of their cookies they got on the news. Maybe we do that too. I'm sure especially now there are a lot of kids watching television!
KIT
Ooh great idea! All right, Seb-- you think you can figure out how to do that?
SEBASTIAN
I can try. (Pulls up his computer and starts typing.)
KIT
Awesome. Now, let's see... Gus, can you find snacks for all these kids? It's no good to make war plans on an empty stomach.
GUS
That I can do! See you in twenty minutes max! (Begins slowly tumbling towards his house.)
SEBASTIAN
Found it! All we need to do is find one of those news reporter stations. They should have everything we need there!
KIT
Great! I think there's a news station about a thirty minute walk down that way (she points out the door of the treehouse, then turns to the crowd of kids) Okay listen up, people! Raise your hands if you want to go with Seb here and hack into a news station!
(About a fourth of the kids in the crowd raised there hands.)
SEBASTIAN
Great! Follow me! (They all marched in semi-straight line behind SEBASTIAN)
KIT
(raises voice) Remember everyone... those villains may have won the battle. But they most certainly haven't won the war!
(the kids all cheer and head towards their assigned tasks)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well, this little play here just keeps getting better the more I read....ahh...I'm having so much fun reading a more light hearted thing for a change....well...down to more details.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Act 6
Oh dear...we are starting off on quite a sad note here.
Oh dear...the evil plan is really starting to take proper effect on the world now I see...well...poor kids...uhh...let's see how this goes I suppose.
Oh definitely, giving up hope is never an option, we all know this.
Oh, everything is about to get a whole lot more wholesome...or so I sense...maybe.
Ahh...even the bunnies are involved....ahhh...cuteness overload detected...
Is that a potential plan I smell in the air?
Oooh I love this plan already....
Oh here we go, team jellybeans...although now I must say it could be renamed to team sugar high is making its first move...
Thirty nine is a good number.
Yoohoo....things are happening I see...
Yeah driving around doesn't seem much more practical than walking around.
Ooh...I hope this plan involves the jellybeans somehow...maybe...just a theory.
SOme very, very good ideas there...especially the empty stomach part.
Oooh....that's going to be interesting...no jellybeans I see...though sadly.
Semi straight lines are always the best...
YES INDEED...well another satisfying part comes to an end....
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it looks like this is just continuing to get better...and I am loving where this is going...and sadly I think we're done reviewing everything that has been uploaded so far, so I'll just wait patiently for more parts to come out...
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks so much for the review! Whenever I see a review from you I get excited! I guess me and @Spearmint are going to have to pump out some more soon!
Hi MapleWay and Spearmint,
Mailice here again with a new review!
This beginning is good and also a little bit not so good.
The beginning in the tree house where they complain up to here is extremely serious. I think especially the first dialogues between them should actually be humorous and Kit's statement just now, makes me feel sorry for them for the first time. Now even after reading through the whole act, I get this creeping trepidation here that overshadows the humour a bit. (Whether intentional or not, it adds a certain drama to the story; like it's the turning point where the kids see they've hit bottom, but are now fighting to get back to the top).
That's so sweet of her to think of all the kids!
I think we have now reached a turning point in the story. Kit's role as the main character and leader of the small group, as well as Sebastian's penchant for computers and electronics, is clearly evident here. I love how the act tries to approach it in a solution-oriented way, and how they finally come up with an idea to use Vex and Surge's "weapon of media", which they used at the beginning, to launch a counterattack themselves.
What I noticed, though, is that at some points the act has become too serious and the humour has fallen by the wayside. (As in the previous act, the humour is reflected more on level in the brackets). The few passages that were felt with wit I enjoyed very much. Now this is a point of criticism where I myself don't know an immediate answer as to how to change things a little. (if necessary)
The seriousness of the situation certainly doesn't make it easy to be funny, and now also gives the previous acts that "creepy" feeling that something is wrong. I think when you have published the play in its entirety, I will read it again, and I think then the first acts will still have a sombre undertone, given the situation in this act. The most I can recommend (if you yourselves think something is missing) is to include some scenes where they might be clumsy. For example, Sebastian might open the computer and Gus bends over it and cookie crumbs fall on the keyboard.
Still, I liked it and I'm now curious to see how many kids will show up (and if the snacks will all be enough).
Keep up the good work!
Mailice.
Thanks for the review! I might try to make it a little more humorous later if I have time!
Hello maple! Here for a review. You two are doing great!
This line is a bit vague.
I think march will be marched.
Same case. Won't this be in past tense?
The rest is awesome. Can't wait for the next acts. I just want to know what happens next.
Overall, a very good job. Can u tag me on the release of the next acts?? Keep writing!!
~Forever
Thanks so much for the review! I'll change a couple of those and definitely tag you in the next acts!
Here are all of our previous acts!
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 1
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 2
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 3
(A Totally Not Evil) BakeSale, Act 4
(A Totally Not Evil) Bakesale, Act 5