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Frost Lark News 6/4/17

by Sheyren


Frost Lark News 6/4/17

By Skyla Holt

“Mayor Dead”

A 1:13 P.M. on Wednesday, May 31st, Mayor Orlando Clayton was reported dead. He was killed by a confused Bivoclar Lizard semi-blinded from overexposure to sunlight, because Bivoclar Lizards are nocturnal. As a result of this murder, the Bivoclar Lizards are no longer eligible for mayorship, and the town's Unknown Service of Defenses crawled on all 24 legs of their combined body, right out of the stone prison they reside in. With a single breath that reverberated immensely, the Bivoclar Lizards fell dead. Then, the Unknown Service of Defenses returned to their sealed chamber, letting most of the town forget about them, regaining their status of “unknown”.

“Birds”

In this time of great tragedy, we would like to remind children of the danger of birds. Birds are small, flying sacks of meat that have pointed faces, and if you so much as look at them the wrong way, their actions may be unpredictable. Most birds have propellers on the sides of their feathery bodies, and should one assault you, those propellers should be your targets. A bird without propellers is basically just a chipmunk, and we all know the trick to killing chipmunks. If you aren't aware of this trick, say nothing. Or else they will find you.

“Legos”

Legos have been declared illegal as of this past Monday. We all remember the mind-numbing hours of fun these blocks provided. Think, do you really remember playing with these things? No, you have no memory. This is because a special material in the plastic has been attributed to memory loss when ingested through the nose, and even Lego wasn't aware. Head of Productions Ann Hart said “We never meant to forever strip children of their childhood memories. It was just an accident, okay? Why don't we forget about it? Move on. Smell this lego.” No further questions were asked. You know, I don't even remember the topic of this article. Well then, nevermind.

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ADVERTISEMENT SPACE

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Survey Time

Which do you find the most appealing?

a) ( )

b) [ ]

c) { }

d) ([{ }])

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Frost Lark Health Tips

Young children are proven to have less heart problems. So, if you desire less heart issues, then just become a young child!

“Mayor Dead” (continued)

Co-Mayor Reeds has temporarily taken position as Mayor, but with the Bivoclar Lizards gone, the council has begun working out how replacement roles should be assigned, and if a democracy should even still be used. Some believe a monarchy would work better, and it is seriously being considered. I'm sure once they realize that would make them irrelevant, they will change their opinion. In the meantime, Erick Harvey is being evaluated as a possible replacement for co-Mayor, since he has experience. However, since his mother is still very ill, this does not seem likely. Sadly, I am unable to get more information, because I am being locked out of the council meetings, despite my role in council. I shall update next week.


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270 Reviews


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Sun Jun 25, 2017 12:58 am
rosette wrote a review...



Aaaaaand I'm BACK! For another "Super Unhelpful Review."
Hehe.
But really, though. Here's just my overall thoughts:

I love the title of your main article here. Not "Mayor Clayton is Dead", or even "Mayor is Dead", just "Mayor Dead". That's good. Let's get straight to the point.

A 1:13 P.M. on Wednesday, May 31st, Mayor Orlando Clayton was reported dead. He was killed by a confused Bivoclar Lizard semi-blinded from overexposure to sunlight, because Bivoclar Lizards are nocturnal.

So, maybe it's because I don't follow your articles on a consistent basis, and I didn't catch how the Bivocar Lizards work... but... I still don't get how the Mayor was murdered. ?

Most birds have propellers on the sides of their feathery bodies...

MOST? What is this???!!!

This is because a special material in the plastic has been attributed to memory loss when ingested through the nose, and even Lego wasn't aware.

Dunno bout you, but I usually don't go around sniffing Legos. Maybe "ingested" wasn't the word to use here. (I also felt like this sentence was dangling at the end).

OMG. Health tips and advertisements are my favorites all the way. Survey: let's go with the e.

Sadly, I am unable to get more information, because I am being locked out of the council meetings, despite my role in council.

Why?
Oh. Never mind. I'll need to check out that update.

Happy Review Day!
I'll catch ya later.
(;




Sheyren says...


Thanks for the review! All reviews are helpful. All
Of. Them.



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Wed Jun 21, 2017 2:55 pm
Danni88 says...



This is SO FUNNY!! I actually laughed out loud when I read it. The Frost Lark News is fantastic! I am definitely going to read the rest and I will beware birds from now on! Survey answer = e. By the way, what is the trick for killing chipmunks? Love this newspaper :D :D :D




Sheyren says...


Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!

You don't know the trick for killing chipmunk? Just pretend you do. Or else.



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Tue Jun 06, 2017 12:20 am
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Dest wrote a review...



Hello!

Birds are small, flying sacks of meat that have pointed faces, and if you so much as look at them the wrong way, their actions may be unpredictable


Oh, thou art quotable!

A bird without propellers is basically just a chipmunk, and we all know the trick to killing chipmunks. If you aren't aware of this trick, say nothing. Or else they will find you.

*isn't aware of the trick but also isn't tryna to get found out*

Legos have been declared illegal as of this past Monday.

It's about time! Those are evil, little manipulative blocks of doom to step on barefooted.

Survey Time: Definitely e!

Hmm... Some interesting updates!




Sheyren says...


God, I love your reactions! :)



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59 Reviews


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Mon Jun 05, 2017 12:20 pm
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Feltrix says...



The binocular lizards have fallen? The Order of the Library will rise! Bow before them or be destroyed. I am, of course, saddened by the mayor's death. What a tragedy.

I will be sure to be more careful around birds and to weaponize legos.

e




Sheyren says...


XD Binocular Lizards



Feltrix says...


Curses. Autocorrect.



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Sun Jun 04, 2017 8:34 pm
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Featherstone says...



SERIOUSLY SHEY. THE TABLE FLIP?

┬─┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)





"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."
— George Orwell, 1984