Young Writers Society

Frost Lark News 6/11/17

By Skyla Holt

“New Mayor”

Last week, Mayor Orlando Clayton was reported dead, killed by the Bivoclar Lizards. The town council hastily scrapped together a plan which would fix the damaged government system now devoid of a key member. It was decided that co-Mayor Reeds would replace Orlando Clayton as mayor, and that Erick Harvey would step in as Co-Mayor. Thankfully, Erick Harvey has served on the town council, as Co-Mayor, in the past.Yesterday, however, the plan was canceled, much to the surprise of the town. I myself had not been informed of the reason why until this morning, when I was told a startling fact, one that instantly gave way to relief. Mayor Clayton is not dead.

“Elderly Mister Finch”

I regret to inform you that yesterday, Elderly Mister Finch passed away, leaving our town forever. Finch is outlived by his one daughter, Alicia Finch, and two grandchildren, Frederick and Daisy Finch. Alicia decided not to hold a funeral for the 92-year resident of Frost Lark. When politely asked why, she said “Well, he won't be dead forever. Just give him a few days.” Upon elaboration, she commented “Seriously? No one's noticed he's already died twice before? Don't you remember that arson case a couple months ago? He's immortal!” Then she pulled the corpse of a baby bird out of her pocket and devoured it whole and uncooked. We still do not know the meaning of this, but we are working on deciphering it.

“The Wooden Synagogue”

Throughout Frost Lark, we have many synagogues, as would be expected from a mostly Jewish town. However, no synagogue sticks out as much as the Wooden Synagogue, a synagogue constructed hundreds of years ago. Many myths have surrounded this mysterious building, including the well-known story of the teens who disappeared within for unknown reasons, almost four years ago. However, detectives have finally solved the mystery of their disappearance, and next week their full report will be included within the article. This is huge, because it's the first time the police and the newspapers have collaborated, something which should have occurred long ago. Most towns already do it, I'm sure, so it's time Frost Lark catches up with the times.

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There is a fable, a fable of a domestic housecat. This cat chased a toy mouse all day, before eating and sleeping. Every free moment it had, it was chasing that toy mouse. Finally, a man asked it “Why do you chase this mouse every time you get a chance?” The cat looked him in the eye. It opened its mouth. It said:

“Meow.”

Cats can't talk, silly.

-Friskies

Survey Time.

What is your favorite fruit?

a) Apple

b) Pear

c) Steak

d) Advil®

e) I don't eat fruit, I'm a carnivore.

Frost Lark Health Tips

An apple a day keeps the doctor away! The reason for this phenomenon is unknown, but many suspect it is because doctors fear the scent of apples. If you want to stay safe from the preying eyes and sharpened claws of a doctor, have an apple!

“New Mayor” (continued)

It turns out that Mayor Clayton faked his death so that the Bivoclar Lizards would be blamed, and then they would be exterminated on charges of murder. I am a little hurt that I wasn't in on this plan. Mayor Clayton says they couldn't tell me because I would accidentally announce it through the newspaper, breaking the plan. He says I have a habit of putting everything in the articles, even classified things. To that I say nay! That's how news works! He also said not to share this message... Oh, wait. I guess I'll keep it, since editing this out would cost too much. Meh, economy.