"Goro . . . why is the sky blue?"
I blink, looking over to see green eyes, warm, and youthful. Although the sight should come as a rather large shock, I do nothing but chuckle. "Well, I'm not really sure, I think it has something to do with the ocean, and reflection. I'm probably wrong though," I reply honestly.
A light laugh escapes pink lips, a smile set. "It's caused by Reileigh Scattering dummy; sunlight being caught by molecules in the atmosphere and radiating out."
My eyes widen as I laugh in disbelief as I return my gaze to the green pools of comfort. "So you do know why the sky is blue," I say with an amused tone.
She shrugs a little as she answers, "Of course."
"Then why did you ask?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
A larger smile rises on her lips, pushing her shoulder slightly into my side as she giggles, "Wanted to see if you would be gullible enough to respond."
I roll my eyes playfully, causing her to laugh. She elbows me in retort, and I push a bit back, causing her to giggle harder as we begin the routine push war. After a few minutes of laughter and innocent violence, I look back up at the blue sky above, feeling a hand in my own. I reply to the gentle grip, happy that she relaxes her interlocked fingers in mine. Laying here in the tall grass, the sun warms my face, a small breeze causing my bangs to blow a bit around my eyes. It's been years since anything like this happened, I never thought I'd ever get the chance to experience it again. Days like this are extinct now as my life is now dedicated to being a soldier, working towards ending a war that has ruined so many lives. Though, this small distraction is nice . . . just being able to experience something like this again . . . it's refreshing.
Of course, it can’t last. Without warning, the pressure I felt in my hand disappears. I glance over instinctively, only to find the eyes are gone, the smile vanished. I sit up some, looking around to see what has happened in what feels like mere moments. My stomach sinks, twisting as nostalgic turmoil begins to stab at my mind. I cringe slightly, wishing to escape the pain.
"Looking for something?"
My eyes widen as the tone hits my ears. I know the bright voice, but in some way, it’s new. I hear another light laugh, enchanting my senses for some unknown reason, making me all the more curious to know the owner. Then, I’m taken back as I notice the pain has subsided, replaced with a strange mix of calm and intrigue.
"You dummy . . . you should wake up. . . ."
"Wake up?" I reply to the wind, the breeze picking up around me as I try to decode what this pleasant tune may be hinting at.
"Yeah. . . . C'mon Goro, wake up. . . ."
Before I know what's happening, I’m overcome by a stinging sensation in the back of my head. The wind melts away any other feeling as I try to overcome the growing pain. Though, I’m distracted soon enough unsure how to respond as the wind gains mass, grabbing the front of my shirt, shaking me.
"What the-" I start, startled by my sudden predicament of personified air.
"Dude, wake up!"
My eyes snap open, seeing Cent leaning over me. He looks both frustrated and concerned, his brown eyes a weird shade that usually only comes up when his nerves are a bit fried, as if someone poured grey pigment into the pools of warm chestnut. I blink.
"Dude . . . why are you leaning over me?" I ask, letting out a sigh as I catch a smell, "You kinda need a mint."
Cent immediately begins to relax, playfully punching me in the shoulder for my comment. "Yep, you're fine. But man, that gash on the back of your head looks badass," Cent replies, his expression shrinking a bit.
"Gash?" I repeat.
Cent chuckles. "Dude, you didn't notice?" Cent asks, "When Kasami brought you in, your hair looked like it had been dyed red."
My eyes widen. "Seriously?" I reply, feeling a bit of disbelief.
"Yes indeed. You gave me quite a scare Jintez."
I turn my head slightly to see Kasami standing in the door way, giving a relieved grin.
"What happened?" I ask.
"Do you not remember?" Kasami replies, his tone laced with earnest surprise.
In response, I look away, searching through my memories to try and remember what had occurred previously to get me caught in such an odd situation. Within moments, the entire incident with the new Jeweloid returns to my mind, especially when I was thrown against the wall by her sudden power shock. That must have been when I got the said gash. Though, I don't focus on the injury too long, my thoughts all linking back to the girl.
"What happened to Maggie?" I ask, turning my gaze right on Kasami.
Kasami blinks, surprised by my sudden inquire. Cent, on the other hand, just appears perplexed, uniformed. "Maggie?" Cent asks, "Who's Maggie?"
"You mean the young Jeweloid girl?" Kasami asks.
"Her name is Maggie," I answer.
Cent expression turns to surprise. "You already met a new Jeweloid? It's only been two days!" Cent replies.
"Whoa, whoa, what?" I say, unsure what to react to his math.
"Oh yes, Jintez, you've been unconscious for about twenty three hours," Kasami says nonchalantly.
I swear, for the first time in my life, my jaw drops. Cent stifles a laugh, putting a hand over his mouth to mute his chuckling. I glare over at him, and he shrugs, apparently not fazed by my serious look.
"Yes, after you successfully calmed the new Jeweloid, you passed out from both exhaustion and blood loss. Luckily, as we can all see, you stabilized quite well," Kasami says, ignoring our immature back and forth, "The Jeweloid though seems to be having a tough time."
I feel my muscles tense without warning. I look from Kasami to Cent, his eyes a bit wary as he meets my gaze. After a few moments, I look back to Kasami. "What do you mean?" I ask.
"The girl is having breathing issues, going in and out of consciousness, and has had a few seizure fits," a doctor says as he walks into the room. He looks rather plain, though dignified.
I feel a lump form in my throat. Cent steps closer to me, looking concerned as he connects eyes with the doctor. "Is that normal?" Cent asks.
"Well, actually, no," Kasami replies, catching our attention, "Usually, a Jeweloid adjusts within the first five hours of being outside the ice. She is not adjusting at all. Her blood pressure keeps spiking and her heart beat is fast and irregular. I mean, if this keeps up, we're going have to move her to the ICU, and may have to face the Orcus."
"The Orcus?" I repeat, "What the Hell is the Orcus?"
Kasami and the doctor fall silent, which causes Cent and I to tense up. Then, the doctor hesitantly starts to speak. "Well basically . . ." the doctor trails, ". . . we may have to end her suffering . . . if it gets to that point."
My heart drops, and I feel my face go pale. I hear Cent gulp, the light of life flashing in his eyes.
"You mean . . . kill her-" I start.
"No, Jintez," Kasami retorts almost instantaneously, "Not all humans are capable of being Jeweloids. We have had others in the past who weren't able to transition correctly, and just suffered for months before they were finally put out of their misery by either our doctors . . . or they did it to themselves."
Cent's eyes widen. "You mean . . . they . . ." Cent trails, unable to finish the thought.
Kasami nods. "Unfortunately, yes. . . . It's a sad reality that this young woman may also face," Kasami says.
"No, you can't let her die," I reply, sitting up, feeling a bit dizzy for a moment as I gain equilibrium, "You have to give her a chance."
Cent blinks in surprise, glancing over at me. "Dude," Cent says.
"What?" I reply as I return his stare.
He doesn't reply as he just watches me, a bit of worry now mixed into his expression. But at the same time, he looks . . . shocked. The reason why is unknown to me. Though, before I can ask what his problem is, I hear someone rushing down the hall. I turn, as does Cent, who must also hear it, to see Anyola, panting, and well, panicked.
Kasami's brow furrows.
"Anyola, what is it?" Kasami asks quickly.
"Sir, the new Jeweloid . . . she . . . she has . . ." Anyola pants, "She's lost blood pressure."
For the first time, I feel the life in my eyes vanish. Kasami pales drastically, and Cent's eyes widen.
"Alright, I'm coming," Kasami says, hurrying out the door.
"Kasami, wait!" I call, taking him by surprise.
"Jintez, I have to-" Kasami starts.
"Let me come," I ask.
Kasami blinks, obviously not expecting my plea. I’m not surprised though, my appearance at the moment must make me look a bit crazy. Though, I ignore it. "Sir, I was the one that calmed her, maybe I can do it again," I answer.
"Jintez, this isn't something that you can do anything about. This is a medical concern," Kasami replies, his brow furrowing.
"I want to be there," I comment.
"Jintez-" Kasami starts.
"Sir, with all due respect," Cent interrupts, "Goro doesn't do this . . . ever. You really must let him go see her."
I blink, looking over at Cent. His eyes meet mine, and he sighs.
"Dude, don't deny it. You're seriously flipping out over this chick. You never flip out, you need to go," Cent says.
"I get it," I comment.
"Alright."
Cent and my eyes widen, both of us looking back at Kasami. "What, Sir?" I say.
"Hurry, she's in critical condition," Kasami says as he turns out of my room and down the hall.
"Huh-" I start.
"God dammit Goro, he's letting you go!" Cent shouts, pulling me off the bed, pushing me out the door. "Move it!"
"Alright, alright!"
With a final push, I hurry after Kasami, trying to keep him in my sights as he turns down the unfamiliar hallways. Now, on a normal occasion, despite his fast pace, I’d be able to keep up rather easily. Unfortunately, my eyes waver with each step, catching me off guard as I struggle to walk straight, even stumbling over myself once or twice. Kasami looks back a few times, prompting me to strain myself so that I can look at least a little competent. Once I’m finally able to catch up, I see Jeweloids pass me, though sooner than I thought, I see more normal people, and I realize I'm now with my own kind. These are human soldiers. But, I forget about them quickly, as I suddenly feel . . . heavy. I touch my head, surprised to feel bandages. That's right, I have a gash on the back of my head, I completely forgot about it.
I was in such a rush to see Maggie that I got completely distracted from my own injury. I never even asked the doctor if I have any lasting side effects, but considering my rather drunken stride, I’d say there are. Before I can worry about myself though, I find that Kasami is now escorting me into a more private hall. He looks over at me, and his expression becomes a bit more worried.
"Jintez, are you feeling alright?" he asks.
"I'm fine Sir, please," I reply, gesturing for him to continue forward.
He watches me, but sighs, turning back. Suddenly, three doctors rush by, going into a room ahead.
"I'm guessing that's it," I comment.
"You'd be correct," Kasami replies as the door opens, revealing the chaos inside. All around, people are in serious mode, clumped together at the bed side. I follow Kasami to the head of the bed, and my breath catches as my eye finds her. She's even paler than before, almost snow white, offsetting her blue hair even more. She's sweating badly, her breathing barely visible as her stomach struggles to move up and down. I look back up, instantly reading the stats screen. Her heart beat . . . is hardly existent, the beep small and weak, so close to flat lining that it's stressing.
"Here goes in the ten milligrams," a nurse says as she sticks some type of medicine into Maggie’s IV.
For a moment, all goes still, everyone silent as we watch to see the medicine take effect.
Beep . . . beep . . .
"C'mon. . . ." I whisper.
. . . Beep . . beep . . . beep . . . beep, beep, beep . . .
Everyone sighs in a symphony of relief as her heart beat becomes stronger, normal. I watch as the same nurse takes a separate needle, and sticks in her opposite arm, drawing some blood. I follow her out with my eyes, curious to know what she's doing. Kasami catches my expression.
"She's going to check her vitals Jintez,” Kasami says, "Her findings will tell us whether or not this girl is going to be alright or not."
I watch him for a moment, before I glance back at Maggie. Her face is still very pale, but luckily, her breathing is much more pronounce and even. She's not sweating as much, and steadily, she looks to become much more relaxed. Twenty minutes pass, and by now, Kasami, Cent, and I are alone with only Maggie's main doctor, who's checking her breathing and blood pressure. After a moment, he grins, standing back up. "Her heart beat seems to be back to an alright pattern, and it looks like her blood pressure is up to 80 over 100," he comments as he looks back over at us, eyeing me mainly. He stares at me with a perplexed expression, before he chuckles, gesturing at me, "Young man, it seems your bandages need changing."
I blink. "Huh?" I reply.
"Dude, your head is kinda bleeding again," Cent says.
Carefully, I pat the back of my head, feeling a numb pain jolt down my spine. I pull my hand away, looking over it to see a bit of red staining my palm. "Well, crap," I comment.
The doctor chuckles, walking over and opening the door, gesturing to a nurse who must have been standing in the hall. "Can you get me some new head bandages?" he asks her.
She nods, and walks off in reply, the doctor closing the door.
"You really don't have to do that, Sir," I say. While I appreciate him wanting to help me, I’m alright for the most part. In my opinion, Maggie is more important at the moment.
Again he chuckles, and sits beside me on the bench. "Son, you must have nerves of steel. For most, that wound would have you in bed and in pain for about a week," the doctor says, "Yet from what Kasami has told me, it's only been about a day and you're already up and about. I guess it must be adrenaline from worry over this Jeweloid."
"Again, unlike him-" Cent comments.
"Dude, shut up," I interrupt. Cent sighs, but does as asked, keeping quiet.
Kasami laughs as he watches the minor exchange. "Oh, calm yourself boy," Kasami says, putting a hand on my shoulder, "It's alright to admit you're worried about someone. You don't have to put on a front."
"I'm not trying to, Sir," I reply honestly.
Kasami watches me for a moment, then sighs. "Alright. . . . Hey, Armasons, would you follow me?" Kasami says as he gestures to Cent, "Since Jintez is out for the moment, I would like you to help me with a small task."
"Sure," Cent replies, standing.
"Sir -" I start, beginning to stand as well.
"No Jintez, you are to stay here, and keep an eye on her while we're gone," Kasami interrupts, turning on his heels to look me in the eyes, "This is your first order under me, got it?"
I’m caught off guard by his quick retort, but I nod anyway. I really don’t have a reason to go against his orders. "Uh, yes Sir," I answer.
"Good, now, stay. Armasons, come with me," Kasami says, walking out the door, Cent not far behind him.
Closing the door behind him, I'm left alone with Maggie and her doctor. Now outside the room, Kasami sighs. "That young man is something," Kasami comments as they turn the corner.
"You really don't have anything for me to do, do you?" Cent asks.
Kasami falls silent, coming to a stop, Cent watching him for a moment.
"I'm not in your division, I'm an engineer," Cent continues, "There's really nothing I can do for you, unless you need me to fix some analyzer machine."
Kasami turns towards him. After a moment of fencing stares, Kasami gives, sighing again. "He kept looking like he wanted to be alone with her," he admits, "Besides, it seems for some reason, his presence calms her, so maybe he can do something to help her that we can't."
"Like I've said, this isn't-" Cent starts.
"Like him?" Kasami finishes, "It seems you like to repeat yourself young man."
Cent chuckles. "Sorry, blame my Ma," Cent answers.
Kasami grins. "Ah, yes, I assume it's a trait she carries as well?" he asks.
Cent nods. "Yeah, but she's worse than I am," Cent laughs.
"Well, I guess now I should be asking why it isn't like him to worry about someone," Kasami says.
Cent expression falls some, becoming more serious. He sighs. "It's not that he doesn't worry, he just isn't one to show . . . concern, I suppose," Cent explains, "And that's especially true when it comes to . . . well . . ."
Kasami raises an eyebrow. "Comes to what Son?" Kasami asks.
"Well . . . girls," Cent finishes, "I mean, it's been years since I've seen Goro act like this, and I've known him for a long time."
"Is there a reason he doesn't act like this?" Kasami asks.
Cent falls quiet, and quickly Kasami senses that he might have overstepped a boundary. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-" he begins.
"No, you're fine, really. It's just personal stuff," Cent interrupts, "I mean, it may not look like it, but that guy has had his own share of Hell."
Kasami blinks in surprise.
***
I sigh, and stand, a bit dizzy as I step forward, the pressure in my head shifting some. Once I’m able to gain back my bearing, I find that I'm standing at the foot of Maggie's bed, watching her lay motionless. If it wasn't for the slight movement of her stomach moving up and down and the rhythmical beeping of the stat screen, I would assume she was dead. Though, she’s better than when I first walked in, she's still very pale and weak looking. I glance back at the door, listening for any notification that the doctor or the nurse that was following him are approaching. But, there’s nothing, only the soft sound of my breathing, and the machines.
Slowly, I walk up to be at the head of the bed as I was earlier, now getting a better look at Maggie’s face. Her skin is flawless, the only markings being the blue curls that frame her eyes. Her ears seem to be pierced, though nothing is in them. Taking from my previous thought that she may be from the north, it would make sense that she wouldn't be wearing piercings outside; she could easily get an infection from the metal while being out in the cold.
I wonder how far up North she was. . . . I wonder what year it was. . . . What was happening when you were there? . . .
Then, I see something. It's reflective, barely sticking out of her pants pocket. Carefully, I take it, and turn it over. It looks like an old receiver, but, it isn't. It's about the size of a deck of cards, maybe a bit taller and slimmer. It’s shaped like a deck too, except it has rounded edges. On the sides are a few buttons, and on the front is another at the bottom. As I investigate the object, I find that something is connected to it, a long, plastic looking cord. I follow it, and sure enough, it hangs all the way down to still be in her pocket.
Maybe it's part of her pants?
With a small yank, I prove my previous hypothesis false. Rounded ends, two to be exact, hang at the bottom of the strands, and I finally get an idea.
Ear buds?
I blink, then laugh. This must be something you play music on. Duh.
Again I look over it, and I finally see something that gives me a clue. There’s a symbol on the back; a fruit. I scratch my head. I've seen the symbol before, but I can't put my finger on it.
Seriously? . . . You can't tell what that is?
I jolt. Again with the girl's voice?!
I turn, and sure enough, she's conscious, blinking a few times as she's just woken up. It's like she senses my presence, I swear.
"Hey . . . you're awake," I say quietly.
She coughs, a bit of blood coming out, but she doesn't pay attention to it. "Y-Yeah. . . . Damn . . . I had a really . . . weird dream," she trails, her voice cracking.
"Really?" I ask, sitting in the chair someone had set beside her bed previously, "What happened?"
She chuckles lightly, her countenance relaxed. "Well . . . first off, my hair . . . God, I don't know what I was on . . . but, my hair . . . looked blue," she starts.
Uh oh. "Oh. . . ." I trail.
"Yeah, it gets weirder though. . . . These other people were there, and . . . they also had freakish hair. . . . God, it was like I . . . had been transported to a Cindy Lauper concert . . . in the '80s," she continues, "And they took me into this room, and started touching. . . . Yeah, anyway, but then, they started blabbing . . . on and on about how the year . . . was 3000 and other shit. . . ."
This isn't good. "Uh huh. . . . Uh, Maggie -" I start.
"Wait, wait, then get this. . . . They told me . . . that my family was dead," she interrupts, "Oh my God, I swear, my heart . . . almost stopped."
Another lump forms in my throat. "Maggie," I say without thinking.
She blinks, looking over at me, surprised by my serious expression. Her eyes look so innocent, so naive. "What?" she asks, before her eyes widen, "Hey, you look like a guy that . . . was in my dream! You're wearing weird clothes . . . for being a doctor, especially here . . . in Alaska-"
"Maggie, what year do you think it is?" I ask, cutting her off.
Again, she blinks. "Uh . . . 2-2015. . . ." Maggie trails, "Duh."
Holy crap, she's been in that ice for almost a thousand years! I swallow hard, trying to figure out a way to explain myself, as well as the truth of her situation. Maggie watches me, becoming tenser as the silence lingers on, especially when I look away. She laughs nervously. "Wh-What? What is it?" Maggie asks, "I mean it is 2015, right. . . ."
I blink, looking back at her as I hear her voice trail off. My eyes widen as I see that she's staring right at locks of her hair that have fallen over her shoulder, the hue matching the blue of the ocean. I hear the monitor beginning to beep faster behind her, though I don't look, too infatuated by the growing fright in her countenance. She looks up at me, her eyes pleading for some logical explanation.
"Wh-What the Hell is going on!?" she yells, her voice breaking.
I simply watch her for a short time, speechless as I see the fear starting to sew itself into her mind. She’s so scared, so naïve, so innocent. She doesn’t deserve this pain. She doesn’t deserve the sorrow the world has prepared her. But, I can’t keep her ignorant; that would be even worse. I sigh, and I say with the gentlest tone I can muster amidst the growing turmoil, "Welcome to year 3000."
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter LAPIS :Chapter 4:Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello. Remember when I promised I'd review every chapter? It's taken a while, but I'm back!
The only major issue with this chapter, which has already been pointed out by the other reviewers, is the transition between Goro to Kasami and back. While scene breaks are a good way to make that transition clearer, I don't think it's the best course to take in this case. Since you jump back to Goro right after that brief scene, I think it makes more sense to take the conversation with Kasami and Cent out from the middle of the chapter and place it elsewhere, possibly in the next chapter, which would then let you tie that scene directly back into Goro's narration.
One of the nicest things about having multiple viewpoints is that scenes don't have to take place in chronological order. You can have different scenes that take place at the same time as others, or have a scene start at a time before the previous scene took place. So long as there is enough information about where in the story's timeline a scene is occurring, you can even have scenes completely out of order with the effect scenes being shown before the causes; this is a really common technique used for hooking readers, especially at the start of stories, and it's sometimes called a flash-forward. Using flash-forwards and flashbacks throughout a story helps make the flow of the story more interesting, though you have to be careful to give enough information within each scene for the readers to figure out when the scene is taking place, or else all the jumping around in time will mess up the story.
Don't be afraid to experiment with the timing of scenes and events. It can really make a story more engaging and also smooth the flow of plot events so that their significance and order are easier to follow.
[Page refreshed makes for form resubmission makes for spam]
Sorry about this second post.
Back to the review table for me!
This is another great piece, as usual. I am going to skip over any grammatical mistakes if they are of the same form as a previous chapter and has been spotted. This will keep my focus on your plot.
..."It's caused by Reileigh Scattering dummy,...
Place a comma every time you hear a pause. If you don’t like the comma, you can omit it usually, but here, you have to put a comma between Scattering and dummy, as otherwise the cause will be “Reileigh Scattering dummy...”
...It's been years since this happened,...
I don't think this is what you meant. "...Something like this..." sounds a little better?
..."Sir, with all do respect,"...
This should be due, not do.
One general comment. You need to focus and rid yourself of repetition!
There is a great plot section for this chapter. However, you can improve and increase tension by adding wrinkles to the line.
For example, in the section where he goes from his sickbed to the examination place, you need to make the MC stumble or at least grope around dizzily from loss of blood. This makes the story much more realistic.
Still a great piece!! Keep it up!
I was with you until the wrinkles part XD
Yeah, I guess I'll need some pointers on this stuff, having to do with realism
Maybe u can help me out with that.
Thanks!
~Maddie
What I meant was add more tension and the like to the story. But good work!!
Hi Serene,
I like this chapter. It's nothing too amazing or exciting, it's more just once again showing the characters connections emotionally to each other. And we get to see quite a bit of reasoning between their actions as well. I'm especially interested in Kasami's because he can probably guess that Jintez already has a personal connection to Maggie, and he very well knows it's forbidden. Since he has the authoritive position here, I wonder what he'll do? Also, as much as I like where the story is going, they're not actually doing much war training xD I wouldn't mind seeing a little bit of it in there, if not just to set the scene a bit more.
Again, this review might be a bit short, because this chapter was almost spotless when it comes to plot. You've got brilliant chapter endings as well. I always feel like reading whatever is coming next, and just turning the page. Which is brilliant.
It's something I've noticed in your writing quite a bit. You state something, and then you repeat it, like you're checking we've got it. If you end the sentence at alright, it's perfectly fine. You've already mentioned the or not.
This has to be a pretty bad transition. It's because you've got Kasami's action which happens without Jintez knowing it, happening in his voice. I would put this like this:
guy has had his own share of Hell." Kasami blinks in surprise.
*** (please note those stars. They are the perfect method to indicate a change of scene to the reader, or change of viewpoint)
The doctor has left me alone with Maggie. {[and I unaware of the conversation at hand.] All that can be left out, because we already know he doesn't know what they are saying. They're in a different area! You'd only need to mention the conversation from his viewpoint only if he'd overheard}
Use a greater range of vocabulary. I don't want to see the same word twice in the same sentence
Other than those little details I pointed out, it was a good chapter. I'm sorry if this review is messy! I feel like it's messy. Just let me know on my wall or in chat if you need anything properly explained
Deanie x
oops, I didn't know I did that XDD I'll use a larger range, definitely LOL
Thank god, I may use that revision of yours, cause I had the hardest time writing that out and have it make sense XDD
Kasami has his hands tied throughout most of LAPIS, he doesn't know exactly what to do, 'cause he is known to be quite wishy-washy when it comes to choosing what to do when it concerns people he considers close, which Isugoro does become over time, as well as Maggie. In terms of noticing the relationship, he subconsciously chooses to be ignorant, so that he doesn't have to be the one that has to point it out
continue reading!
~Maddie
Oh okay! Don't forget to really put that in about Kasami's character then. It would be nice for all readers to know ^^
It becomes apparent throughout the story lol
Thanks!
Once again a awesome chapter. I don't see why this doesn't get more reviews honestly. Anyways on to my usual routine.
I'm a sucker for a decent romance and I'm wondering if this will pain out like one in the end. Yet anyways, Cent mentioned Isugoro had had his own share of hell and the blue or was it green eyes that he was speaking with in his dream? Must've been a past lover of some sort right?
This must mean he lost his previous girlfriend or whatever
Anyways, As far as I can tell, I'm wondering when the war will start lol.
Gotta say it seems like a war story and I'm waiting for the great war and fighting to come.
Later.
Thanks again for the review!
Yes, the war is coming, I just want to get everyone all acquainted and what not
Action is coming...
Hey... Again! Back for the third (fourth if you count the dictionary) review!

I have a good amount of things I want to review, so I'm gonna get right to it. By the way, I have the critiques in order from beginning of the chapter to the end. I just jot it down in mt word document real quick as I read. As if you care... Anyway, reviewey time!
~ Edit: Gullible
~ Edit: Stifles
~Edit: 'it it' ... Did you mean 'if it'?
~Edit: Panicked
~ Why does he say 'please'? Does he mean 'please hurry and lead me to Maggie' or what? I don't really know why that's there. Can you explain, please? (haha)
~ 'or not' was written one too many times here. I think the 'or not' at the end of the sentence would best portion to cut off, instead of the the 'whether or not' part. I think that's because of the way Kasami talks. He's always kinda formal and informative.
He says 'huh' a lot. (Not a critique, just something I noticed)
~ I feel like this could be worded differently. The conjunction 'but' doesn't really need to be put there, I think. Maybe replace it with an 'and' instead.
~ I'm confused. Since this is written in first-person perspective of Jintez, he heard Kasami and Cent's conversation? And in this sentence, it seemed almost as if the perspective changed to Kasami. But then right after this sentence, it goes back to Jintez, alone in the room with Maggie.
And that's all the critiques I have for you here! Again, great chapter. I feel like I'm always saying that, haha. What can I say, it's a great story. I especially love the encounters with Jintez and Maggie. Oh my gosh I loved the reference to the Apple product! I'm interested in how she's going to handle the information for the second (or third?) time. That will be in the next chapter I'm sure.
I should get to chapter four tomorrow, or maybe I'll read it later tonight if I'm not too tired. So, yeah... Thanks, again, for letting me know. Happy writing!
Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow
It did change to Kasami, but I wasn't sure how to word it considering this story takes place in 1st person from Isugoro's perspective, sorry if that didn't come out right. Thanks again for the typos, I'll get them when I get the chance, thanks!
I think Kisami's perspective was written pretty well. I could easily understand what was happening, including Jintez, or Isugoro, not knowing about the conversation. The only part that confused me was this sentence:

Kasami blinks in surprise, unaware of the fact that the doctor has left me alone with Maggie, and I unaware of the conversation at hand.
It seems like a mix between Kisami's P.O.V. and Isugoro's P.O.V.
And I totally forgot Isugoro's name. Sorry about that! Well now I'm off to read chapter four. I'm excited
It was meant to bring us back to Isugoro after being off with Kasami, sorry XD
And I can't wait to see a review ^^