Today is the day. My two week sentence here in the detention sector ends at the stroke of three. Why? Well, I guess that was the time it was when I first was booked, so they want to make it precise. That, or someone picked a random time of day.
My gut is going with the latter.
"Jintez."
I blink, and look up from my food to see Mally staring at me. Though, it's the woman beside her that seems to of called me out. I grin slightly as I recognize her.
"Savannah," I answer. A grin peaks at the ends of her lips, happy to see that I remembered her real name. Without a word, she plops herself beside Mally, who seems just as uncomfortable as anyone would if put in the circumstances. She looks from Savannah to me, which I respond to with a small head gesture, trying to relay that all is ok.
"So Blondie, you're gonna be headin' back up today from what I've heard," Savannah starts, picking up Mally's coffee.
"Uh, yeah, at three," I reply, watching her take a sip of the drink.
"Good luck to ya. The people up there are even more insane than those down here," she comments, handing to the coffee to a perplexed Mally, who just stares at the cup, "But, I guess you already knew that much."
"So do you, since you kinda looked through my memories when you shook my hand."
Savannah's eyes widen, but quickly squint shut as she begins to laugh, hitting her fist on the metal table. "Damn, you're good! Normal people don't even notice when a Jeweloid of my span do mind sweeps," she compliments.
I raise an eyebrow, "Span?"
"Yeah, I've been around for about two years. A normal Jeweloid with the ability of Mind usually masters detection by month eight or nine, just to give you an idea of my expertise."
"Ah, so was it your expertise that got you down here?" I question.
"Ha! I'm better than that!" Savannah laughs, "Actually, I was put down here for being in a protest. I'm only sentenced for a few months."
"When do you get out?" I ask.
"Oh, pretty soon, actually," Savannah replies, before looking to Mally, "What's the date?"
Mally doesn't respond quickly, causing Savannah groan. The act makes Mally on edge, and causes her to stutter as she replies, "I-It's the e-eighth of L-L-Lux*."
"So, May eighth," Savannah says to herself, doing the math in her mind, "And my sentence ends on the fifteenth of Clarus*, which is the fifteenth of June, so that means..."
I watch her mouth the numbers, entertained by her sudden turn into a studious act. Not that I'm saying that she's dumb by any means, it just greatly offsets her normally rough demeanor.
"A month and seven days!" she says with a smile, meeting my eyes with hers. I grin as I look into rich violet eyes, happy to see warmth now in her once vicious stare. Though, I guess mine in response call for her to draw closer, as she scoots from her spot beside Mally to sit uncomfortably close to me. She wraps her arm around mine, and pulls me into her, making it even worse. "So, tell me, is that Maggie girl really as pretty as they say?" she asks.
I blink in surprise, "Why are you asking? You saw her in memories," I answer.
Savannah shakes her head in protest, "Did not! In the memories I saw, all I saw was blue hair! That, and a voice. . . but even that was sparse."
I don't answer quickly, taken back by the information. So, does that mean that Nathan doesn't know what Maggie looks like either? Or Sammy? Why are my memories censoring Maggie?
"I did see you being pulled into the kiss, but it was so fast that you really can't make out her face," Savannah continues, before pulling down my arm to look me right in the eye, "But spill, I've heard from a guard that does shifts both down and up that she is stunning. Hell, a "Goddess" even."
Seriously, are these guys on drugs? Why do they keep comparing her to a Goddess? She's a normal girl, nothing more. The thought makes me roll my eyes naturally, which causes Mally to let out a small giggle. Savannah on the other hand seems annoyed. "What? Is she not?" she questions, huffing, "Hmph! Seems I've been mislead. Dammit, I bet she's ugly."
The comment hits a strange cord in me, and without realizing it, my entire demeanor changes. Mally notices quickly, and tries her best to move on, "Isugoro, what is Maggie like?"
I turn my attention to her, and shrug, "To be perfectly honest, I haven't been around her long enough to really know what she's like."
"Well, does she have some personality?" Mally asks.
For once, I find myself actually searching through my own memories, trying to figure out the best way to answer the question. Our first conversation wasn't more than fifteen seconds long, and I passed out right after. The next was when she blasted me into a wall. . .
"Maggie, you are indeed in year 3000, I'm sorry to be blunt about it, but I think that you deserve to be told the truth without having to beat around the bush-" I start.
"People still say "beat around the bush"?"
I chuckle to myself as I remember the random part of my first real conversation with Maggie. Mally smiles as she watches me, while Savannah grumbles to herself. Continuing to pick my brain, I continue through my experiences with Maggie.
She hates blue. . .She seems to like nature too. . .Personality wise, she seems like a normal girl, but I will admit she does have a strange charm to her. . .
I look up at Mally once I configured everything, and grin, "She's got spirit."
"But she's not pretty?" Savannah questions.
"I never said she wasn't," I reply without thinking. A smile curls on Savannah's face, and she turns my face to look at her.
"Oh? Is she as pretty as me?" she asks, batting her eyelashes.
Without meaning to, I grab Savannah's wrist, and suddenly, an image of Maggie flashes in front of my eyes. It's a nice one, she's smiling, laughing. Savannah's breath catches, her eyes dull for a moment. But, in an instant, it's normal, and she pulls away. She looks away from me, but after a moment, I hear her beginning to chuckle to herself. I raise an eyebrow in confusion, leaning over to try to see her face better. "Savannah?" I say.
"Wow. . .She's much prettier than me. . ." Savannah trails.
I blink, "Huh?"
"I can see it, she does have an outstanding atmosphere about her," she continues, still not looking at me, "Can't exactly say she's a "Goddess", but who said I ever knew anything."
Wait. . .does that mean Savannah. . .?
Before I can question her, she darts away without warning, saluting in our direction as she did the last time. Still in a bit of a shock, I turn slowly back to face Mally, who seems just as confused as I am. Though, she quickly turns back into herself, and grins, "That girl is a handful."
"I'm starting to get used to handfuls," I reply honestly, returning to my sandwich. Mally watches me for a moment, seeming to be going back and forth with an idea in her head. Though it's not long before she finally speaks.
"Were you told when COBALT would be returning to the group cell?" Mally asks.
The question catches me off guard, and in response, I swallow wrong, followed by a fantastic, but short lived, moment of me choking. Once I reset myself, I sigh, "No, I wasn't told anything."
Mally sighs as well, "That dumb boy, breaking curfew, not to mention getting you in trouble. And only to ask what was for breakfast, the nerve he has persistently amazes me."
Yeah, that was explanation he told me to give to everyone. Stupid, I know, but I'm assuming that he thinks if our stories match, the guards and everyone else will go with it. Dumb to assume? Of course it is.
But I guess that's all we've got to go on at this point.
Suddenly, a random thought hits me.
"Mally, why are you down here?" I ask out of nowhere. Mally's eyes widen in surprise, not ready to hear such a thing. She doesn't move, much less respond, for a few moments. Though, she soon diverts her undeterred eyes to her tray, and breathes a heavy sigh.
"It's really not all that amazing, I just broke code, and I was sent here," Mally replies, "But I kept breaking code, so my sentences kept becoming longer, until my last sentence, and now I'm down here for another year and a half."
"What did you do exactly that broke code?" I question.
"I was the assistant to the head cook of Gelus, and I broke code by giving leftovers to Jeweloids," she states bluntly.
"That's it?!" I say in disbelief.
Mally shrugs, "It's just how it is. I didn't think it was fair to just throw it out if there was someone who wanted it. And the Jeweloids, if you haven't already seen, don't get fed as much as us as is, so I felt obligated to do it."
Before anything else is said, the familiar clang of the bell sounds, meaning the end of lunch. We put our trays away, then line up, before each line is taken to their own section of the Sector, a few staying behind who've been assigned for clean-up. When Mally and I return, we're surprised to see the others of the group being talked to by unfamiliar guards. As our presence becomes apparent, they turn, and quickly rush towards me. Out of instinct, I pull Mally behind me defensively as they surround me, looking impatient.
"Isugoro Jintez?" one asks.
"Yes, what do you want?" I reply.
"You are to come with us at once. Your sentence is over," another says.
My eyes widen, "What? It doesn't end til three."
"Well, We're having to cut it short due to some issues upstairs."
My brow furrows as I hear the response, "What kind of issues?"
"Jeweloid 009 is becoming intolerable. We need your assistance in correcting her behavior," the first guard answers.
"What has she done?"
"She has refused to listen to orders, and has yet to master forming her Soul Weapon," the same guard explains, "A normal Jeweloid would already been half way done with basic physical training, but she is too stubborn to work with anyone in the department. She will only talk to three people, and we've exhausted the other two."
"Other two?" I repeat.
"GOLD, and a friend of yours I believe, Cent Armasons," the second guard says.
So they even got Cent involved?
My thought is cut off as the men drop a familiar uniform into my arms, catching me off guard. Before I can do, or say, anything, they push me away from Mally, and towards the bathroom. "Please hurry, and change into your Gelus uniform, we'll be going straight to the Weapons Training Facility from here," a guard, who is now unknown to me, instructs, gesturing towards the bathroom.
". . . Alright," I reply cautiously, before turning to enter the bathroom. Noticing that they aren't following me, I sigh, running my hand through my hair as I sit the uniform on the sink counter. I look in mirror, stunned to see my appearance. I don't normally look in the mirror as I enter, wash my hands, or leave the bathroom. Not sure why exactly, it's just an odd trait of mine. But I'm surprised to see myself like this, my normally slightly shaggy blonde hair is all over the place, sticking out at random places, and I even have begun to get a bit scruffy, not enough to really say I have any trace of a true beard or mustache, but it's clearly evident that I haven't shaved in about two weeks.
I shake off the reflection and enter the stall, coming out only moments later with new pair of padded pants. As quick as I can without messing up the tie, I lace up my combat boots, my feet feeling strange to be reintroduced to them after such a long time. I pull my loose shirt off and replace it with a fresh new gray tee-shirt, before zipping up my padded jacket. Soon as it's comfortable and all feels right, I look back to the mirror, and try best to straighten up my hair, brushing my fingers through it to try to make it look at least half-assed attempted. As for my scruff, I'll just have to do that later.
As I walk back out of the bathroom, Mally's breath catches. Why, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's because she's never seen me in uniform? Who knows, but I grin at her, which causes her expression to relax. She waves, mouthing the word "goodbye". My heart sinks a bit as I come to grasp with the fact that I'm not going to be returning here, and may not meet any of them again. Not Mally or Eriks. . .
I won't see Nathan again.
Who told you that?
My eyes widen as I see Nathan come around the corner, grinning as he's lead towards his personal cell.
Long time, no see. Miss me?
I chuckle to myself as Nathan's voice passes through my mind, walking forward.
How was where ever it was you went?
Solitary.
My mind stalls for a moment as the word registers in my mind, and my eyes divert to him. As if he knew I had turned, Nathan looks over his shoulder in my direction, and sends me a look of reassurance.
It's fine, it doesn't bother me.
How does it not?
I hear his laughter dot my mind, making me feel better somehow.
Syria still had to come do her checkups.
I can't help it, a laugh escapes me. I'm not sure why, but the fact that even when this guy is in deep, he still manages to get away with breaking the law just gets me. One of the guards in turn shoots me a glare, and abruptly takes hold of my arm. "C'mon, let's go," he says coldly.
"Can't I at least say goodbye?" I ask. The guard pauses, and grunts as he releases me, holding up a single index finger to me, signaling that I'm not allowed much time. I quickly turn and walk up to Mally, who now stands beside Eriks. I look to both of them and grin, "See you guys later, hopefully."
Mally smiles bitter-sweetly, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes, "Yes, take good care of yourself, alright?"
I nod in response, before I'm distracted by a strong grip. I don't even have to look to know that it's Eriks, his talons holding firm to my shoulders. He turns me, then meets my eyes, looking serious as always, "Don't be stupid."
"Don't ever try to be," I reply, "Keep on caring for Mally for me, got it?"
Eriks, for the first time since I've met him, lets out a small grin, and nods. He takes his talons from my shoulders then holds one out in front of me, which I take and shake firm. As soon as our grips part, Mally pulls me into a warm embrace, burying her face into my jacket. My brow furrows slightly as I embrace her back gently. "Thank you, Mally," I whisper.
Pulling away is difficult, but I succeed soon after, turning quick so not to see her tears again as I'm met with Nathan behind bars. He walks close to me and smiles, his eyes warm. "Have fun up there Man," he says, holding his hand out between the bars, "I wish I'd get the chance to talk to you again."
"You will once you get out of here," I reply, taking his hand. His smile brightens for a moment, before it suddenly vanishes, surprising me.
But, I have no time to dwell on it, as suddenly the world around me morphs. All I can see are short scraps of memories, and as more flash before my eyes, my tensions are at their peak as I see a reoccurring image; Maggie. In each scene, she looks to be in pain, or scared, each one worse than the next. Tears, blood, chaos. . .perfect destruction.
Then suddenly, nothing. . .
"ISUGORO!"
I jerk back as her scream takes over my mind, my body shaking as I pant slightly. As I recollect myself, I look back up at Nathan, only to be met with the same stare. I can hear the guards coming up behind us, but I don't acknowledge them, too perplexed by the strange visions to leave now without an explanation. But, to my surprise, Nathan smiles, and nods as he says, "You need to become stronger to insure you both survive."
"Nath-" I start quietly, before being abruptly tugged away from him by a guard.
"Come, they're waiting," the guard says coldly, leading me out of the room.
"W-Wait, COBALT-" I say, trying to turn back.
"Now!" another guard shouts, taking my other arm.
To my dismay, I can't overpower the two men, and against my will, I'm taken away from the cell, away from the Detention Sector. The last thing I see of all of them are a few smiles and waves, Nathan standing still in his cell, his expression faked as he grins.
And the last thing I hear, I believe to be my own imagination, Nathan's normally clear voice strangely muttled as I make out the words. . .
The day I leave here. . .Is the day I die.
End of chapter
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Hokay, next chapter!
First thing, you don't need those asterisks over the new month names, since Savannah defines what they are two words later. If you were going to have asterisks connected to footnote definitions (which I would advise against), you'd have to do it throughout the book for every new word you put in.
I'm not really sure what purpose Mally serves in this scene (with Savannah there). She's uncomfortable with Savannah it seems, at first, then sort of acts as a mediator... I'm not getting a clear picture of why she's there or how he feels about what's going on until Savannah leaves.
Speaking of... Savannah, annoying, geeze haha. I'm getting the vibe that she's a teenager like Maggie, since grown women generally don't pull the whole 'prettier than me' and attention span of a gnat schtick. (That's my guess, at least)
It's cool to see the chasm between humans on the base and Jeweloids becoming bigger and bigger. Makes you wonder how it got that way in the first place (evidence points towards some asshole human feeling inadequate) and how it's gotten this bad. We can see at this point that they really are just treated like animals.
Also, poor baby-faced Goro. Not a lot of men take that long to grow a beard, he's like my brother (It kind of gives a hint to his ethnicity though~)
And some grammar stuff-
"I blink, "Huh?"- would either be: 'I blink, "huh?"' or 'I blink. "Huh?"' Personally I find the second choice reads better.
And again, here: 'I sigh, "No, I wasn't told anything."' if you have a comma before dialogue, you don't have to capitalize the first letter in the dialogue.
'"You need to become stronger to insure you both survive."' - 'insure' is spelled 'ensure'
Not much else to say about this one~ Though I liked the more information-heavy chapters, I'm glad to see the plot moving again. And, ending on a dang cliffhanger! Sheesh haha.
On to the next chapter!
Howdy:3

I really like this chapter, and I'm not enen sure why xD. I see a lot of improvement from the first few chapters, and I just plain like a lot of the wording in this chapter as well as the pace.
One little nit-pick though.
This sentence is a little awkward, "if you haven't already seen, don't get fed as much as us as is, so I felt obligated to do it.' " -it's grammatically correct (except that you need an 'it', but 'as much as us as is' just sounds like to many as's lol.
Anyway, great work! Sorry this review is short, but you didn't give me much to nit-pick xD
By the way, have I mentioned I love Nathan? I think he is a great character!
Keep writing and I will keep reading <3
Happy Reveiw Day!
-LittleFox
Yay, I finally have time to read again. Girl, you need to keep cranking these out. Stop getting me hooked with these last sentencesssssss tho.
Such amaze
many mean
so wow.
The last sentence is a sure hooker. Good job. So I felt the first paragraph could have used more description. Is the character cold, nervous, anxious? Jail is a big deal and when you incorprate the right elements it can really give the story a positive boost. I strongly felt the last sentence in the first paragragh was not needed. Mally's stare could have used a bit more power in it. It's a stare, so is it intmidating is it cool? I didn't understand why you felt it was of import. What does this main character look forward to once they're realeased. Although the last sentence was a hooker there were jerky moments through the story where I was either pleased with what I was reading or unpleased. There were spelling errors. Such as latter and muddled. As writers we need to be able to catch these mistakes before the readers do. You did a decent job on mood writing. I seem to always deflate when I'm writing a characters mood. Do the characters all get along? Are there enemies? This could have been a bright opportunity to incorporate some drama. I mean the main character is getting released is there anyone who's jealous who wants to lash out because this person gets to get out? Who is this Mally person anyway? I know I'm late getting into the story but a gradual stretch of secondary characters is also beneficial I feel. Anyway keep up the hard work.
Yeah, at this point, I suggest going back and reading the beginning, or else nothing from this point will make sense. The latest chapter that I say you could jump in and still make sense of what's happening is chapter nine. At lot of the things you mentioned are cleared in earlier parts, and you'd know how my style of writing works. Besides that, thanks for the input and I'll try to input that into future chapters.
Thanks,
~Maddie
Hey Serene!
Reading this chapter, again I am left struggling to find things to pick out. You've really done a good job of checking over these chapters before you post, so there is barely anything left to nitpick. On top of that, I have started reading this like it's a novel for pleasure instead of something to review. That's how good the plot has gotten. And I can really see how much your writing has developed and improved as I've gradually been reading this. I hope you edit the older chapters so they can be just as great as these latest ones have been. And keep up the good work like this ^^
In the previous sentence you already mention that he gets out today. Which means that in this sentence you kind of repeat the 'today' part. It's information we already know, and irrelevant to have in there. I suggest you take it out.
I think you mean latter.
As for the chapter itself, I thought it was brilliant. But I am wondering about that last line there. I guess we will get to know in the next chapter. Does it mean Nathan still wants to commit suicide? After all the people he has gotten to know and also after having Syria?
Thinking about it, I remember mentioning and asking why humans couldn't reproduce with Jeweloids because it was mentioned in said chapter. And you did say it would be explained later on. But then we just had that whole moment with Syria who was on the roll to be a partner to a Jeweloid, and yet we don't ever get a proper explanation. Which leaves me in the dark and a bit confused because this is a different world with different rules and we need you to spoon feed us all the information, I'm afraid. Maybe this is something that should be explained soon.
You've left us with quite the mystery at the moment. I can't wait to see what is going on with Maggie and also see a bit more of Cent. Please, let me know when you post again!
Deanie x
I'm gonna tell you: You won't find out about what Nathan means until much later (AKA end of book) He's kinda out until that comes back into play, but luckily he'll be kept in mind due to Syria, who will still be involved.
The reason for the Law is something that is hard to explain at this point, because there are actually many layers to the Law itself. Yes, reproduction is a big issue, which is actually the first to be explained, but other parts will be revealed as time continues. Some parts will be a bit spaced out, while others will come together.
Syria will explain that when we see her next, because I knew people would be wondering how she went from being a Partner to a Doctor's assistant, and why (though I think it's rather obvious). We'll also get her side of the story when it comes up, but I'll save that for later.
Maggie will be back next chapter, so stay tuned!