"Name please."
"Isugoro Jintez," I answer to the low gruff voice, unable to see the man on the other side of the barrier. I hear clicking, telling me that he must be putting in my information into some type of database.
"Date of birth?" he asks after a few moments.
I reply quickly with my birthday, "1st of Recens, 2979."
After the clicking subsides, I see a slot open in the barrier, and the man says another instruction, "Documentation of Confinement, please."
The soldier beside me hands him my file through the slot, the papers quickly disappearing. I hear the crinkling of the parchment, and a sigh. "Only two weeks, eh young man?" he says.
"Yes Sir," I reply respectfully.
"Alright, take . . . Officer Jintez to the holding area while I submit the rest of his information," the man instructs to the soldier beside me.
"Yes Sir," he replies, taking a tighter hold of my forearm.
Well, this is goodbye for now, Mr. Goro.
I look over, seeing Sammy still standing on my other side, her presence one I had forgotten while walking down here. I show her a small grin as the soldier leads me away, which she replies to with a small wave. Her expression sparks curiosity in me, in between hesitance and worry, yet hidden behind a bittersweet smile. Her orange eyes burn warmly, though I only glimpse at them for a few moments before I'm lead into a secluded room, the door behind us shutting with a somewhat rumbling thud.
The room is small and rank, lit dimly by a strand of lights close to the average height ceiling. I'm actually quite surprised, considering the usually white and stainless steel look of the rest of Gelus. Then again, this is their jail, so I guess it's supposed to look different. Along one of the walls is a plain wooden bench, which I'm led to soon after entering. With silent instruction, the soldier has me sit, allowing me to look closer at the opposing walls. They aren't exactly solid, looking more like steel mesh, except for the one wall the door is cut into, which is stained pure black. Through the thick mesh walls, I see things moving, quickly made out to be people. Inmates.
I silently gulp, just starting to realize my situation. My offense against Gelus was a speck in comparison to what some of these people have done. Hell, for all I know, some of them are murderers or Prisoners of War.
I do all I can to keep from wincing at the thought. Thank you so much Maggie.
"So . . . there's another newbie?"
My skin crawls as I hear the high pitch voice, recognizing the strange dialect. I look over, and through the wall I meet the hollow eyes of a Noxcus, black with eerie yellow slits. Like most Noxcus, its neck is long and it has an extremely curved spine, the skin looking like pink leather. The legs are like that of an animal's hind legs, bending opposite than a humans with long slim feet. Its claw-like nails are cut back on both its feet and four fingers. I instantly assess that this Noxcus must have been a spy, as his tattered brown uniform has the inverted triangle on his shoulder embroidered with a yellow band, signifying their secret intelligence division. I divert my stare instantly, not wanting to have the image of the mongrel in my head.
Noxcus are barbaric, and have no sense of morality. They kill without second thought, and enjoy it. Some even do it for sport, murdering countless innocent humans and other terrestrial beings just because they can.
They're sickening.
"Officer Jintez?"
I jolt slightly, turning to see a stout man standing in front of me. He seems to be in his late 30's, early 40's, and wears a patted uniform similar to my usual, except the padding seems to be thicker. I can see why, considering the individuals he's working with. He sighs, and gestures at me to stand.
"Yes Sir?" I ask as I follow instruction.
"Follow me, I'm going to take you to your unit of the sector," the man says, talking with a Veteres accent I didn't catch prior, "Don't worry, you've been placed with some detainees that shouldn't give you any trouble. So, don't act all spooked."
"Uh . . . ok," I reply, not sure how exactly to respond.
He watches me a moment, then chuckles, humored by my confusion. "I can see why the Commander went easy on you. You seem to be a good kid who just got caught in a bad situation," he comments. I reply with a grin, put at ease by this man. He seems quite warm considering that his work involves such dark individuals, I give him credit. “Alright, boy, I’m gonna need you to change,” he says, turning and taking a stack of clothes from another man before he hands them to me, “The normal uniform is not to worn while detained.”
“Why is that?” I ask, looking him in the eye.
He laughs a bit, “Unlike you, there are some people in there that would use the uniforms as ways to get in . . . tools of sorts.”
“Oh. . . .” I trail. I look between them both for a moment before I nod, “I understand.”
“Good,” he says as he pats me on the back, “We’ll leave you hear to change really quick. Just knock on the door when you’re done.”
With that, he leaves with his comrade, leaving me standing in the small space feeling a bit awkward. I glance around before I sigh, and as quickly as possible, I redress in the new clothes. I feel strangely lighter, as this new outfit is basically pajamas; cotton pants and a simple white tank top. I feel my anxiety rise, and knock lightly on the door. The man I recognize opens it, but before he can speak, I ask from slightly behind the door, “Do you have a jacket I could use?”
He looks surprised by the question, obviously not used to being asked for more than given. I know it’s not very professional, I mean, I could be smacked upside for asking such a thing. My luck, he seems to sense something is off, searching my eyes before he sighs, “A jacket, huh?”
“Yes, if you have it,” I say politely.
He turns and closes the door, leaving me to stand patient while I mess with my now exposed dog-tags, the silver plate reflecting some in the dull light. Before I can take another breath, he opens the door again, holding something like a dull blue cardigan out to me. “This is the only thing we have in your size,” he says as I take it from him, “Will it do?”
“Yeah, thank you, I really appreciate it,” I say, pulling it on quickly so to hide my reasons. He watches me keenly for a moment longer, before he lets it pass.
“C’mon, time for us to get you to your cell,” he says. I nod, and with that he moves pass me to unlock the black door. Then, suddenly, he pauses. He turns with a lighter expression on his face, and gestures to me, wanting to ask me something privately. I comply, lowering my head as I step up to him. He laughs as he asks, "So, is it true?"
"What, Sir?"
"That the Jeweloid you kissed . . . is she really a beauty?" he chuckles, "I've heard through the grape vine that she's much more stunning than the usual Jeweloid, and they're usually gorgeous. I hear that she has beautiful sapphire curls and her eyes almost glow blue and yellow. She looks almost like a Goddess."
"A Goddess?" I repeat, a bit perplexed by his statements.
"Yes, a Goddess," he replies, "But is it true? Is she really that amazing?"
I fall quiet, unsure of how to answer the question. I won't lie, Maggie is quite attractive, and she definitely is a catch. Though, I can't say that I see her as an utter vision of true beauty. I mean, the girl has repeatedly shown time and time again that she isn't the most elegant of people. She has a personality of a normal teenager . . . ok, maybe a bit more head strong, but still. I shrug as I think, looking back to look at the man, the expression on his face that of high expectations. I sigh as I answer as best I can, "Well, she definitely is her own person; that I can say with confidence. And she is pretty, I'll admit that-"
"So the talk is true?"
"Now, don't quote me, I'm only one person, and I'm a new recruit to Gelus to top it off-" I start.
"But you're the one she kissed!" he interrupts again, "By the way, what was that like; Kissing her in such a situation as the Power Processor?"
"Uh. . . ." I trail, stumped.
This guy really does like to pry, doesn't he?
In response, my memory rewinds to that moment when Maggie did kiss me. Looking back, my mind went blank. Well, the Law was fresh in my mind, but other than that, I really don't know how to describe what happened. I wouldn't like to say I was scared of her, but at the same time, not knowing her capabilities, it did put me on edge. She honestly could have killed me if she had wanted to, I understood that. Maybe that fact did freak me out, but, when she did kiss me . . . anything like that evaporated from my thinking. I can't say that I was happy she kissed me, but I think it made me relieved. Why is something I can't explain, just the fact she did it in that situation . . . made me braver. But I can't tell him that, he'll think that I have some stupid crush on her. "It was a unique experience," I comment.
He deflates a bit, not appeased by my answer it seems. Though, he doesn't bother to ask anything more about it, moving forward. I guess he realized that I wasn't gonna throw out anything worth hearing. At least he can pick up simple signals.
With a click, the wall on my right opening up like a hanger door, sliding silently to reveal the Detention Sector. I feel my heart pick up a bit as I walk through the threshold, looking around to see people looking at me like I'm new prey.
Yay.
"Boy . . . you're in for a lovely experience."
A shiver runs down my spine as I again hear that chilled voice. The hairs on the back of my neck stand straight, and with the onslaught of ravaging anxiety, I keep my eyes to the ground. Though, I find that my situation may be a bit more serious. The area is not the one I just saw only moments ago. Unlike before, when it was just black, now it's rotten, appearing to be neglected of proper cleaning. The air is mucky and stale, and as I walk on the wooden path way, I hear a slight squish of standing water under my foot. I can't see the curvature of the walls well, but I'm sure there is some mildew, if not mold lining the crooks and corners.
The man I'm following, whose name I never had the chance to learn, walks with a sense of knowledge, knowing where and where not to step. I do my best to mimic his footsteps, but I find that I don't line up from time to time, contacting a bump in the warping wood or a turn in the path I couldn't see in the dim light. This causes my balance to become a bit off, as I'm questioning each movement I make as I keep up.
My next mess up causes me to stumble, catching the attention of some of the people around me. I hear some chuckles, making note of my mistake. I even hear a giggle, one that is definitely female. It intrigues me enough to look up, finding just what I thought; a woman. She looks at me dangerously, her cavernous eyes catching what little light there is in here, deepening them in violet brilliance. My eyes divert quickly, though the short moment does let me in on valuable information.
There are Jeweloids down here as well.
I mean, I guess I shouldn't find that too surprising. Jeweloids are human at heart, so of course, they aren't perfect beings. It's easy to assess that not all the Jeweloids were very . . . compliant. The idea that some did wind up down here is quite logical, so I guess I shouldn't be so taken back by the sight. But even so, the idea of any of the ones I met before, like Sammy, being down here...it's something I hope she's smart enough to avoid, that they all are. Especially Maggie, knowing her and her very independent way of speaking, she could be put here quick.
I guess I really will have to keep an eye on her.
"Alright Jintez, wait here a moment, I need to unlock your unit," the man in front of me says, stepping away from me to walk into a room about two feet off. I guess he trusts that I won't go anywhere. Not that I have anywhere to go that is.
. . . Such a nice name you have . . . Isugoro Jintez.
My eyes widen as I hear the voice again, but now in my head. I turn around, now a bit on edge. Of course, as soon as I look, I see it, staring me down from down the hall. As I make eye-contact, my mind blurs, my thoughts strewn all over. I squeeze my eyes shut, clutching my head with my cuffed hands. I grasp my hair, pulling some to help myself concentrate on something, but it's in vain. My brain is clouded, and before I understand what's happening, my body starts to go numb.
Wouldn't it be nice to see your name in your papers?
The voice's tone is more mocking now, and I find myself unable to do anything as I watch myself unclench my head.
W-What the hell am I doing?
My arms and legs suddenly go numb despite myself standing back up and turning back to face the man as he walks back out of the room. As he looks at me, his expression becomes puzzled.
"Jintez, are you feeling alright?" he asks, lifting a light to shine in my eyes, "You look paler than you did before."
I start to tell him that something is definitely wrong, but I find that I can't even accomplish that, my lips unmoved. In fact, my face is blank, an unconcerned frown set as my expression despite the panic rising in my gut. As he looks into my eyes, I see his eyes become a bit more alarmed, noting something wrong as he speaks, "Isugoro, why aren't your pupils dilating in response to the light?"
I can see it now . . . "Soldier Murders By Brute Force.”
I know instantly that something very bad is about to happen, but I can’t seem to fight back my body with only my will. My heart almost stops, watching helplessly as my body responds by sending my fist straight at his face, intended as a right hook.
"Sir, get away from him!"
The man at last second jumps back, dodging my fist by mere inches. He looks as stunned as I feel, before looking around me. I then hear a quick sigh, "Sorry dude, but this will hurt a bit."
Before I know what's happened, I feel a sharp sensation of pain smash my mind. If I could see it visually, it'd probably be most similar to glass shattering, exploding in pain. Only a few moments later, I'm on my knees, hunched over, eyes squeezed shut, and gripping my head tightly. It's agonizing, causing me to even grunt and groan some, as if the actions will relieve my mind from the sudden jolt.
Then, as suddenly as it hit, it's gone. My mind clears, and my thoughts reorder themselves accordingly. The anguish gives way to a much wanted sense of relief, and I let out a long sigh in response. I loosen my hold on my locks, which must look like a jumbled mess of blonde now. Slowly, I raise my head some, and I'm stunned as I see metallic eyes meet mine, shining too much like silver to only be a pigment.
"Hey dude, you alright?" I hear someone ask, a man's voice. It's not the man that led me through here, it's younger. Actually, it sounds like someone my age, if not maybe a bit older.
My eyes focus, and I realize that the eyes I see belong to a guy, his appearance as I expected to be about my age. Though I soon spot the dark tattoos on his cheeks and his matching spiked blue hair. He's a Jeweloid, the first guy I've actually met other than Kasami.
"Y-Yeah, I'm good," I stutter, my voice a bit unstable, "What the hell happened?"
"Well, Mr. Pig's Ass over there almost got you in a mind trap," he states bluntly, gesturing over his shoulder. I follow, and soon see the Noxcus from before being forcefully bound and escorted away, looking like it had been mugged. Its head has already begun to bruise, its weird blood dripping from its mouth. It's now that I understand what happened; that dick tried to take over my mind! He took control of my body for an instance, he got me. . . .
I'm such a weakling.
"Hey, don't beat yourself up over that. He could of gotten anyone with that. You're not weak," the guy in front of me comments, apparently sensing my self-doubt. Then, I blink, looking back at him again.
"Do you have the Ability of Mind?" I ask.
He blinks, then laughs.
"Well, looks like someone has educated you some. Yeah I do, but I wasn't reading your mind," he replies, "You look like someone just stole your girlfriend."
"I don't have a girlfriend," I state quickly.
"Well then, excuse me," he says with a laugh, standing. After a moment, he holds a hand out to me. "Can you stand?"
"Uh, I think so," I answer as I take his hand, standing with some issues for a moment. Though, I quickly regain my balance, almost back to normal. I look back to him, surprised to see that the guy is almost my height, maybe Cent's height. His build is similar to mine, slim but slightly muscular, average if anything. He wears loose sweat pants, and no shirt, his dog tags around his neck, as well as a jagged gem that's the same color of his locks.
"So you're Isugoro Jintez?" he asks.
"Yeah, did he tell you my name?" I reply as I gesture to the man as he walks back from the group with the Noxcus. He shakes his head.
"No, I heard your name a few weeks ago when another Jeweloid came in for trying to sneak into the kitchen for seconds. Told me about how you tamed a prospected Class Zero, even got a nice peck from her in the "Ass of Gelus" while she was going nuts," he explains.
"Oh," I breathe.
"Dude, I only have one thing to say to you," he says, before he suddenly starts laughing, "God damn, you've got balls."
I sense a smile creep across my face. "What? Why?" I question.
"Man, to even watch that shit takes a strong stomach. The fact that you not only went in, but were able to fight her and basically won is . . . wow," he trails, catching his breath with a laugh.
I don't even know this guy's name yet, but I already like him. He seems to be much more relaxed than anyone else down here.
"COBALT, what the heck do you think you're doing?" the man says, revealing the guy's codename to me, "How did you get out of the unit?"
"Sir, I was allowed to stroll around on good behavior," COBALT answers with the same bright smile, "Don'tcha' remember?"
"Well, don't be causing any funny business, your new unit mate is only in for two weeks," he replies, "And for his sake and your own, you might not want to go doing anything to get into trouble."
"Don't plan on it Sir," I answer. He looks over at me, eyeing me for a second, before I suddenly have a bright light in my eyes again. Unlike before, I instantly react, squinting and trying to divert my eyes.
He sighs, "Alright, I leave him to you." With that, he walks over, and removes my cuffs. As I rub at my wrists, he escorts us both into the unit area, before walking out where we came in. Automatically after, a door shuts quickly between him and us, imprisoning us. After a moment, he walks off, leaving me alone with COBALT, who from what I've been able to put together, is basically my roommate.
Sweet.
"Alright Man, follow me in, and I'll get you situated," he says, patting me on the shoulder to get my attention.
"Thanks," I reply.
"So, what exactly are you in for? That info kinda got muddled down the grape vine," he asks as we start down a dim hall.
I glance back at him, finding that he’s watching me with a curious look in his eyes. I wasn’t expecting the people in the Detention Sector to be the gossipy type. Who knew?
I chuckle lightly as he walks slightly ahead before I answer, "That kiss."
COBALT abruptly turns back to face me, his eyes wide. "What do you mean?" he asks.
"Well, when she kissed me . . . I kinda kissed her back, which means-" I start to explain.
"Oh, is it that stupid law about Jeweloids and Humans?" he interrupts. I nod, and he groans in irritation. "That is probably the dumbest shit I've ever heard of in my life. I thought the shit Aarons did sucked, but damn, that law is just . . . I can't even describe how stupid it is!"
"Yeah, but I got a light sentence," I comment.
"That you did. Do you even realize how lucky you are?" COBALT asks.
"Not really, thought that's due to the fact that I haven't been here that long, only about a month, month and a half. Not all the seriousness behind the rules has sunk in yet," I explain.
"Well, some advice from me to you; don't do stupid shit. Don't get involved in anything stupid, don't start anything stupid. But if you, do all you can to keep your ass from getting caught, 'cause if you are, you're gonna burn."
"I'll be sure to take that to heart," I reply honestly, before I change the subject, "So what did you do? You seem like a good guy."
At that moment, he stops, surprising me. Slowly, he turns, looking at me, really looking deep into my eyes. Though, as I stare back, I sense that he's looking right through me to the depths I won't even go to. Without warning, he jolts back, as if he saw something inside me.
"Hey, are you ok?" I ask.
"Y-Yeah. . . ." he trails, distracted apparently as he clears his throat, "Why I'm here . . . what I did . . . it shouldn't be punishable."
"Which was?"
He looks back at me, his stare telling me that he's not gonna tell. I can understand that, I mean we just met, so I shouldn't expect him to tell me much. Though it does seem that he does want to say something, but whatever it is seems to have him going back and forth with what to do. After a moment, he starts walking forward again, still appearing to be arguing with himself in his mind.
Soon, the small walkway opens into an area that now looks dungeon-like, light grey stone making the tall walls and a concrete ceiling. While obviously still apart of the Detention Sector, this cell unit is much brighter and cleaner than what I saw previously. The walls are lined with three bunk beds on either side which have been separated by more bars, only the empty ones open. Three of the altogether six are occupied, the other doors closed tight. Inside the preoccupied cells are two or three inmates, all of them eyeing me, though not making any movement or action to worry me. The guy wasn't joking, I must have gotten the laid back bunch.
"Who the hell are you?"
I turn, and I'm quickly met by a menacing terrestrial figure, standing a bit over me, probably 6'7". Just by looking as his almost animal features, it's easy to see he's a Nocan, one of Earth's terrestrial allies. His build is bulky and intimidating, his eyes blue, but cold. I step back, not sure how to quickly respond. I catch sight of his talon hands, and hind like legs, reminding why the Nocans are sometimes called "Wolves of Nocanna."
On second thought, erase my previous statement.
"Eriks, relax, he's a new roomy," COBALT says, stepping between us, "And he'll only be here two weeks, so you'll barely notice him."
Eriks glares back at COBALT. "He better not be like you blue boy. Last I need is another smart mouth teen telling me my fortune-" Eriks starts.
"Future, Eriks-" COBALT interrupts. Suddenly, Eriks, takes hold of his neck, pulling him close to glare him straight down, his countenance like a predator. I feel myself stop breathing. How the hell can COBALT be so calm?!
"Try and correct me again, I dare you," Eriks growls.
"Alright Peat, settle down before you pop a blood vessel."
I look over and to my surprise, I see a woman, dark skinned, probably in her mid 30s. She's dressed quite plain, wearing a simple blue dress similar to night gown with caramel stockings. I'm caught by her round brown eyes, large and expressive, easily telling the long story of an experienced soul. He dark bangs shift only slightly as she comes forward, her hair up in a makeshift ponytail. As if she can sense my eyes on her, she glances at me, and grins, relaxing me some. Eriks looks at her in aggravation, before he gives in, releasing COBALT.
"You try and teach that smart ass some manners, Mally," Eriks says, "He comes near me again and he won't have a head."
With that, Eriks walks off, giving me a full look of his tattooed back. Scary.
Mally sighs, shaking her head as Eriks punches the bars of his cell, walking closer to COBALT and I. Looking closer at her, I can see the wrinkles carved into her face, framing her eyes and tracing her forehead. She looks worn for her age, probably stressed out by the antics I can already see displayed between COBALT and the others.
"Boy, you are just being a pain to be one, aren't ya?" she asks.
COBALT shrugs. "I'm just being me Ma'am-" COBALT starts, before Mally cuts him off, pulling at his ear with one hand.
"Uh huh," she breaths. She slaps at his face, flicks his nose, and stomps at his feet, mumbling complaints about his actions. And, as if he was a child, COBALT gives, breathing short grunts of pain as she continues to pick at him. In a way, the scene is both hilarious, but sad, considering that he was probably the one that beat up the Noxcus. Though, even with that thought in mind, I still smile.
Without warning, a random thought comes to mind: Why is he bunked with humans?
I blink. Looking at Mally, I can tell she's definitely not a Jeweloid, neither is Eriks. Above, Jeweloids are in a different sector entirely from the regular soldiers, and even the males are separated from the females. My mind drifts off in the thoughts, before I suddenly start thinking out loud, "Why did they put Jeweloids with humans?"
My comment instantly catches COBALT and Mally's attention, causing both of them to freeze in the middle of their bickering. Immediately I feel the life dip in my eyes. Why the hell did I say that?! Quickly, COBALT moves, calmed. He sighs. "Simple: The uppers don't give a shit about us," he explains, "The Humans sent to the Detention Sector are already corrupted, so it doesn't matter that they're put with us."
"Us?" I repeat.
"Jeweloids," he replies, "To be perfectly honest, I was a bit surprised you were put here with me. You're a high ranked, goody-goody that the Commander went easy on for a reason. Humans think we're rodents, why would they put one of their own with a rat?"
"I don't think you're a rodent," I answer honestly, "You're a human being."
His eyes widen, as do Mally's. Then, he chuckles slightly, looking back at Mally as he gestures to me. "Well, there's our answer right there," COBALT comments, "You support equality; very rare to see."
"What do you mean? I mean, it's not like you look much different than a regular human, you still have the same mind, personality, body as that when you were human," I state, gesturing at his body. He simply looks at me, watching me carefully as I speak. I shrug, "I don't see a reason to mark you guys as different."
COBALT chuckles, looking over his shoulder back at Eriks. "Yo man, you wanna do me a favor?" COBALT calls.
"What?" Eriks calls back.
"My intestines," he answers, gesturing to his lower abdomen.
Eriks raises an eyebrow, before he nods, jumping off his bed. Mally begins to look a bit flustered, if not worried. Slowly, I notice her begin to pace back a forth, her nerves quickly starting to fray. "Hey, don't do that again," she comments, "Just tell 'em, don't show."
"Don't watch if you don't want to see," COBALT replies as I see Eriks walk up, his talon hidden behind his back. Mally fights with herself for a moment, before she gives up, retreating fast to the same cell Eriks was in. I guess they're bunk mates. COBALT looks back at me, "Do you get sick easy?"
I shake my head.
"Good, cause he's about to get some payback," he says.
My eyes widen. Now I'm a bit concerned.
The concern turns to sheer horror as I suddenly see a blade stab through COBALT's lower abdomen. Blood quickly begin to drip from both his wound and his mouth as he falls to his knees, his face quenched in pain. I gasp in alarm, a hand going to my mouth as the first few seconds fly by. Though, I hastily get to my knees, leaning over beside him. "Holy shit, what are you thinking?!" I shout, still in shock.
COBALT looks over at me, his face already paled some as he grins, his teeth stained by his running blood. "It's . . . o . . . k-k-" he starts, his voice rough.
"How on Earth is this ok?!" I yell, before I turn my attention to Eriks, who's removed the blade from COBALT's body and is now just watching. I grit my teeth in anger, and in a burst of emotion, I swing and land a hard left hook to the jaw. Eriks falls to floor, causing Mally to gasp in fright. Now the others turn, their eyes wide in surprise to see the biggest guy in the room, a Nocan of all things, knocked out cold by the newbie. I breath heavily, too distracted by COBALT's injury to care about my instinctive actions. I try to figure out a way to get help, but it'd probably be no use. That man is probably back at his position at the front, and I don't have a clue about the security personal down here. Considering the situation at the moment though, they are awful at checking for weapons.
"Dude . . . really, I'm . . . fine," he says, his voice stronger, perplexing me. I take a closer look at the wound, and without warning, the skin begins to stretch and contort. My breath catches as I jerk back, landing on my ass. Though, my eyes are stuck on the mutating occurring in COBALT's abdomen, and before I believe it, it's healed. I stare in disbelief, not knowing how to respond as COBALT breaths normally, a smile crossing his lips. "Man, I'm not Human," he says, "I'm a freak of nature, as is every Jeweloid here in Gelus. To the higher-ups, we're nothing but weapons to use in your war. We aren't considered people, we aren't considered equals. In a way . . . we're no better than animals."
I gulp as I look him back in the eyes. The pure silver glows around his pupils, making him seem even more alien in a way. He really is something not human, something I can't even comprehend. And if someone like myself can't understand, then I can guess that those who are more critical would think that he really is a monster. That they're all monsters. . . .
Even Maggie would be considered a monster.
COBALT watches me for a moment, before he moves closer. "You still think that I should be treated the same as you?" he asks.
"Yes," I answer without thinking. COBALT blinks in surprise, before he chuckles.
"How can you answer like that?"
"Because, if I didn't think that you should be, then I would also be putting others that I've met below me. And none of them deserve that," I explain, "You may be crazy, but I don't think you are that much different. And that's something I will stand by."
COBALT just stares at me, speechless. It seems I'm the first that has ever said anything like this. I really must look strange in this situation.
"Dude."
My attention is drawn back to COBALT. Unlike before, his smile is pure, and seems actually heartfelt. I grin back, feeling that I have at least succeeded at gaining some respect from him. He releases a warm laugh, "I'm starting to think that the crazy one in this situation isn't me," he states, "It's you."
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter LAPIS :Chapter 11:Points:
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Allllright, chapter 10~
Like usual your descriptions are excellent. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but there's a distinct change in tone from the previous chapters that goes with the atmosphere- it's more somber, quieter. And it really says something about Vesperia by the way they treat their prisoners... moldy, unhealthy, dark cells for both Noxcus and people that just wanted more food? Dang. Rodents indeed.
We finally get to see a Noxcus! Aaand the mental image is fittingly creepy. It makes me wonder if there's more to it than we're shown via Goro. After all, Goro's got a very limited world view so far. I'll have to wait and see haha
Speaking of Goro, I think this is the first chapter where the reader is reminded that he is really, really young. Sure, an adult but young twenty year olds are still very much young and, in many cases not terribly experienced in the 'been around the block a few times, seen a lot' way that older people are, and it's interesting to see the almost naive self-assuredness he's had before kind of stripped away. I like that though, he takes the uniform off and hey, under that tall soldier exterior you are still basically a kid. And he's scared, and that's a really great thing to show.
It's also actually a good thing that Goro is trying to be realistic about the situation with Maggie, because when you write too much about how powerful/beautiful/smart a character is without giving it depth or an alternate view, it can come off like you're forcing the reader to have a certain opinion about them. Which, actually makes me wonder about Goro... it's almost implied he could have overpowered crazy Maggie (which, I know isn't really possible) and then punched out a really strong alien. You're either working up to a big reveal about him not totally being human ooor he's just the strongest dude on the planet haha.
I'm curious as to why Goro didn't pry more about the Law when COBALT says ""That is probably the dumbest shit I've ever heard of in my life. I thought the shit Aarons did sucked" We know Goro doesn't know anything about the Law other than it's the law, so why didn't he ask about Aarons? COBALT obviously knows what went down and I'd imagine Goro would at least be a little curious~
All in all, I like where things are headed. And makes me wonder why, if the Jeweloids are so strong (and there's apparently enough of them), why they don't just overpower the humans on the base. Very curious~
As for the nitpicky stuff, I'll just bring up the filtering again, which was most obvious right here- "I feel strangely lighter, as this new outfit is basically pajamas; cotton pants and a simple white tank top. I feel my anxiety rise, and knock lightly on the door."
You use 'I feel' twice in a row and you definitely don't need to use 'strangely' since it's not strange that an unarmored outfit would be lighter than the one he's used to wearing.
This paragraph is also a good place to show a little more of the vulnerability I mentioned above- his armor's off for the first time and he's going to be holed up with his people's greatest enemy for two weeks. That's a good place for you to show his depth~ You touch on it a bit with him asking for a jacket (a very nice touch btw, even if he's asking for it to cover something up it also reads like he wants the security of more clothing).
There's a few instances where your smaller sections of description could be stronger. (I see that it was mentioned below, aha)
Like here- "Its head has already begun to bruise, its weird blood dripping from its mouth."
What's weird about the blood? Color, consistency, ect? I know I mentioned that less is more, but when it comes to describing something totally alien to the reader a little more can be used. We all have an idea of what a nice office or a grungy prison would look like, so invoking a mental image for that is easy. But we have no mental image at all for a Noxcus, so you have to provide all of it.
A couple things also almost make a more confused mental image, like here- "I look back to him, surprised to see that the guy is almost my height, maybe Cent's height. "
Saying 'almost my height' implies that he's almost 6'4", but then you say 'maybe Cent's height' which, from what I recall, is only 6'0-6'1? So that's a 3-4 inch difference that the reader has to try and guess. I'd go with comparing COBALT to only one of the guys for clarity's sake.
Other than that, a few minor typos I'm sure you'll pick up when you re-edit~ Nice job on this one!
I enjoy your insights - mainly because you've known me for as long as you have so you write in a way that I can immediately know what we're talking about.

Ok let me address the bit on Eriks XD
Eriks originally wasn't Nocan, he was originally a regular soldier, who was definitely tempered. His species was changed in the last edit. The only reason Isugoro is able to get a hit on him is because A. It caught him off guard, B. He didn't see Isugoro wanting to attack him, and since Eriks has nothing against Isugoro upon first meeting, he has no reason to be braced for a hit, and C. Isugoro, when upset or in panic, has bouts of increased strength. It comes normally when his adrenaline has picked up. This is also how he's able to pin Maggie (though thank you for pointing out that fact, I should probably add more of a struggle rather than "he gets wrists, automatic pin")
Aarons wasn't involved in the Law of Gelus; COBALT is talking about a man who was president when he was Human. As for Isugoro, he's still in the process of taking in everything, while also still getting past what happened with the Noxcus.
The blood thing, turns out I forgot the word yellow lol
And COBALT is 6'2"
Thanks
~Maddie
That does make more sense~
Aaah gotcha. I thought it had something to do with the Law because COBALT mentions it in the prior sentence. Still, I'm curious to see if he remembers later and ask, since COBALT seems to know a lot
Okay~ I'd re-word that just to say just 'maybe a little taller than Cent'
Yay I'm doing a 3rd review in one night so you should be proud of me
The story is getting more interesting as it progresses. Colbalt seems pretty cool so far.
The only critique for this one is just to clean up some areas so that they flow better. Take out any unnecessary bits and pieces that take away from the flow. As a reader it's very easy to become distracted if what you're reading has too many tiny details scattered around that don't really help to move the plot along. Don't get me wrong, details are wonderful and very necessary- just be careful with them.
There were a few parts that were worded a bit confusingly that should probably be made to run a little smoother.
I'm sorry this review is so short, I'm exhausted. Anyway, keep writing
-LittleFox
As I've said before dont look to me for grammar :/
Anyways I like COBALT and he has the future telling...and I like Eriks despite he's somewhat of a dick I guess is the better word.
Loved this btw...tickled me...and I have no real idea why
With a click, the wall on my right opening up like a hanger door, sliding silently to reveal the Detention Sector. I feel my heart pick up a bit as I walk through the threshhold, looking around to see people looking at me like I'm new prey.
Yay.
^^^^^ That for some reason...that "Yay" made me spit up soda...maybe I'm a little nutty who knows.
Anyways, gotta love the characters you're forming. Each has special and different personalities and you must keep a big arse notepad or something to remember all of them and there mannerisms....if you dont then kudos to you. Good one,
Later
I actually have never written down anything about any of my characters, it's just all in my head XDD
I'm glad you liked it!
~Maddie
There is something I would like to say prior to the main part of my review. Overall this has been pretty good but what is lacking is a good dose of descriptors. That you need to really get the reader, especially the inquisitive type, hooked onto this story, which is pretty good. I will explain more through one or two examples from your text.
There are a few more points I wish to make but I will do so using examples from your text.
"Isugoro Jintez," I answer, unable to see the man on the other side of the barrier. I hear clicking, telling me that he must be putting in my information into some type of database.
The first thing that came to my mind was, what kind of voice? A deep rumble? Smooth? Loud? Irritable? How do we know it is a man? Perhaps it is a woman with a manly voice? Some things are fine when omitted though, even though I can't find it in your previous chapter, so I won't growl over this bone.
Door behind us shutting with a somewhat impressive thud.
The portion before this you speak of Mr Goro but quickly switch to Sammy who as far as i can tell is a different person. I would prefer to think my interpretation of your characters have been wrong though I just feel it is somewhat jumpy.
The main point I wish to make by quoting this is that I can't understand what an impressive thud is. Is it loud and crashing? Perhaps you can liken it to something similar? Lightning perhaps? I'm sure you have some great ideas there.
The room is small and musky, lit by a strand of lights close to the average height ceiling. I'm actually quite surprised, considering the usually white and stainless steel look of the rest of Gelus. Then again, this is their jail, so I guess it's supposed to look different.
Here you could go into an entire paragraph detailing the smell, which the character should be able to describe. Describe also the form and steadiness of the light perhaps? I will give my example here, remembering that we are not looking for a description of the physical appearance of the cell:
The room is damp and musky. (I don't consider musky a good word for smells in a jail. Musk is not smelly, and I think the smell being conveyed is that of a bad odor. Although this is semantical me at the keyboard.) It reeks of sweat, drying blood, and the sharp odor of decay. I catch my breath, contrasting what I now smelt to what had gone through my lungs moments before.
Flickering like a slumbering drunk I'll at ease above me,...I will let you finish this off.
, except for the one wall the door is cut into, which is pure black.
In the very statement before you speak of the materials the walls are made of but now suddenly we are introduced to a material called "pure black." Could you describe that as well as the door?
The legs are like that of an animal's hind legs, bending opposite than a humans with long slim feet.
I love legs. However I can't understand your description here. Bending opposite than a humans? Perhaps by drawing out the image of a Noxcus you can then list all possible descriptors and choose from that list?
the upside down triangle on his shoulder embroidered with a yellow band,
"Inverted" is more concise, unless you like being long-winded.
signifying their secrect intelligence division.
It would be great if you could just run pieces through a spellchecker before submitting. I know I made a few mistakes in spelling in my comment previously...
"Yes Sir?" I ask as I follow instruction.
Instruction or protocol?
The girl has repeatedly shown time and time again
Try to be as concise as possible unless you're using descriptors, then you could go wild.
Kissing her in such a situation like the Power Processor
Replace like with as
Again, a shiver runs down my spine as I again hear that chilled voice.
Double use of the again in one sentence. Makes the sentence bulky.
but I find that I can't even acomplish that, my lips unmoved. In fact, my face, from what I sense, is blank, an unconcerned frown.
....
My body responds my sending my fist straight at his face, intended as a right hook.
The two paragraphs/parts that I have quoted have very inelegant description. Could you edit something better in?
I won't quote any more examples of descriptors.
There are quite a few more places where you have to either change descriptors or add some.
Basically what I'm saying is add more decoration to your cake!
Ok thus ends review. It has been a very good read, and I hope to see more!
Yeah, I'm bad with details sometimes, sadly a side-effect of also being a comic style artist. In tht world, the details are literally drawn out for you to see, so transitioning is a bit strange sometimes.

I'm aware of there being misspellings, I have yet to look over for missed bugs. I may reword some of the suggested paragraphs, cause most of them also looked awkward to me.
Thank you for your input, I hope you look at some of the previous chapters as well
~Maddie
I might review those too.
Thank you!
Hey again
Nice to have another chapter up to read. It was interesting to see him in this detention center. We got to see a bit about the Noxcus and also see a bit about some other Jeweloids as well, which is nice. I like the people he's sharing with, and the only one I would like to know more about is Eriks. What is it that makes him so angry all the time?
I would also like to know a bit more about the setting of his room, his cell, or whatever you want to call it. We know a bit about what it's like outside, how you have to watch each step you take. But it is cleaner inside? I'm eager to know.
I don't think we've crossed paths with the Noxcus before in this story, and I am really interested in them. How are they made? How do their powers differ from those of the Jeweloids if they do at all? It was a pretty quick meet and greet. It did demonstrate their powers, but there is so much that went unsaid. I'm looking forwards to hearing more about them in future chapters.
When he first sees a Noxcus he looks and gets really scared, and says he looks away from his it's sickly form (or something along the lines of that) This line is later on when the Noxcus almost takes over his body. While reading I felt like I was reading the same words again, which means the two are too similar. Try and change it up.
Apart from that one line, and also adding a bit more in setting, I found this chapter to be exceptionally good as usual. There were no run on sentences which I noticed, which was good ^^ And there are lots of things I'm eager to know in the future! Like what did COBALT do to be in this place?
Let me know when more is up again
Deanie x
Weird. My draft review has many of your questions...but I'm not done with my review yet. I will edit it to take out repeat questions so we don't ask the same thing!
Ok I'm booking this for review....to start my week. I will post my review in another comment. Should you want another review feel f
Thanks, though I'd read the other chapters leading up so it's not confusing
Oh it's not confusing for the most part. You could always drop me a note in my review for food tread if ou need reviews on any other pieces