LAPIS :Chapter 23:

by SereneSimpliciT

Published December 23, 2014

16+ Language

In LAPIS

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

"Just us?" Maggie questions, just as surprised as I am.

Kasami chuckles, amused by our confusion, "You two, yes, just you two, will be attending a two day trial mission at the Cenum Grounds. This mission will be practice for both of you."

"How so?" I ask.

"Well, Maggie will get her first look at battle, you will gain experience working with Jeweloids in battle," Kasami explains, standing, "Now then; you two will be met by a certain Colonel. The Colonel is a good friend of mine, and will keep me updated on when you two arrive, and how you two are doing after the first day.

"What's his name?" I ask. In response, Kasami moves to his desk, shuffling through some papers. As he mumble to himself, Maggie and I look to each other. I haven't seen her since I passed out in her arms a few days ago, and I wasn't expecting to see her for a while, considering Marcus is still kinda pissed off that I knocked him out.

Well, "we" knocked him out. But, that's not what matters at the moment. I had been called out of training to meet Kasami, and for some reason, Maggie was here too. And now, we're being made to go off somewhere?

"Here."

I'm caught by surprise as a sheet of paper is put in front of my face, another placed in front of Maggie's. We both take the papers to discover it's the same info sheet for a man by the name of Bierre Gulf; a Vesperian Colonel. My eyes widen as I come across a part of his information:

Other Information: Partner of Jeweloid 031 GOLD.

I look up at Kasami, "He's your partner?"

Kasami nods with a grin, "That he is. Has been for a good five years. Funny enough, he actually asked to be my partner before I had the chance to ask him. He and I were always close, as he had been the Human superior over the Jeweloid sector when I came about, and as I grew more experienced, I interacted with him a lot more until he was transferred out. But, he didn't want to lose his connection to the sector, or me, so he became my partner so he could keep an indirect eye on the program."

"So you're like his spy or something?" Maggie comments.

"Oh, no, no. Nothing like that," Kasami chuckles, sitting back down across from us, "He just wants to make sure that the Jeweloids aren't being mistreated. He's always been fond of Jeweloids. In fact, that's the reason I believe he was transferred."

"Really?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. You see, as a human, the Colonel, or as I like to call him, "Swami", had a good amount of power when he was the superior of the Jeweloid sector. He had control over the most powerful squadron of soldiers on Earth," Kasami explains, "He kinda got to do as he wanted. And, he did, but not in a negative way. He used his power to get more funding for the Jeweloid sector. He built better housing quarters, bigger training areas, the large shooting range, and gained a few more rights for the Jeweloids."

"Like what?" Maggie questions.

"Well, for instance, he got the ok for Jeweloids to have one weekend a month which they aren't made to work. He also allowed for Jeweloid functions, but you'll learn about those in due time. I'd rather not ruin any surprises," Kasami chuckles, "For now, I need you two to stay focused on the next two days. I didn't put any limits on this exercise, so they could be throwing literally anything at you. You need to prepare for that."

I nod, as does Maggie eventually. After a moment Kasami nods as well, and we all stand.

Without another second to spare, Maggie and I are escorted out of the office and in separate directions; Maggie towards the loading bay, and I toward my room to get my necessities, like my battle uniform, night clothes, tooth brush, anything I needed. It didn't take us long to get to my room, but still, we were in a very apparent rush.

Apparently Kasami made the plans before telling Maggie and I about it, and because he gave no heads up about it, he's leaving me only five minutes to get my things together before he wants Maggie and I en route to the grounds to meet the Colonel.

Great.

Luckily, it doesn't take me long to get my things together, and with literally a minute to spare, I walk out of my room just to be pulled down the hall toward the Transportation Port. As we walk down the hall, I speak quickly with one of my escorts, trying to get a bit more information on what exactly is happening. As he starts to reply, I feel myself pulled back, catching all of us by surprise. I turn expecting to see maybe Sammy or Cent, but instead it's someone I never expected to see again.

"G-Gillie?" I stutter.

She stands with a secured pout, searching my eyes with her own dark brown. Unlike the last time I saw her, she doesn't seem too happy. My escorts come around me quickly, two of them pulling at my arms. She doesn't let go though, stepping closer as she still stares me down.

Then, to my surprise, she leans closer to whisper in my ear, "You're playing a dangerous game. Pick a side before you damn yourself."

With that, she releases her hold on me, allowing my escorts to run me off before I can even see her face again. I'm in too much shock to do anything else but follow their lead, unsure of how to think. What the hell was that? She stopped me just to threaten me? Who does that?

"Officer Jintez, who was that woman?" one of my escorts asks.

I shrug, "Just a girl I saw with once during breakfast. I don't know her too well."

"Ah, I see," he replies, apparently no longer interested. I'm not offended by it, considering I myself am not too intrigued by this either. Gillie doesn't really understand what I've gone through here. She doesn't know Maggie, Sammy, or Nathan. I can't listen to her ignorance. I need to stick to what I know. Thinking longer though, I do find that despite my set thoughts, something about her words does reach deep within me and make something feel off. What that is though, I’m unsure.

Before long, I find myself entering the Transportation Port, and am filed through into a smaller hanger area to find Maggie standing near a small craft with a few escorts of her own. Upon seeing me, her face lights up a bit, smiling. In response, I grin back, watching her as she speaks quietly with one of the men beside her.

Her hair has grown back out to hang at about her upper thighs, which surprises me, considering that just a few days ago, it was at least six or seven inches shorter. Though, it's not that it looks bad, in fact, the way she wears it in a thick braid down the back is quite lovely. Her clothes are her regular training uniform, but with an over coat keeping her warm.

Yeah, even though it's Furens, it's not too warm up here by Gelus. I look over to see a man coming out of the craft, wearing a plain uniform with the Vesperian Air crest on his sleeve. I step over to him, catching his attention.

"Sir, where exactly is this place that we're going?" I ask.

"Oh, not far, just over the mountains to the south, in between Gelus and the village Nao," he replies, looking then to Maggie, holding a hand out to her, "Your hand, Miss?"

"Oh, thanks," Maggie replies, taking his hand in reply. He takes a gentle, but tight hold of her, helping her up the steps with a very intrigued expression. I find myself standing here watching the scene, and to my surprise, a slow boil starts to rise in my mind. I grumble slightly, but the thoughts are knocked out of my head as I'm pushed up behind her by one of my escorts. I turn back at the top, looking to see the one I’m guessing had pushed me looks a bit apologetic, saluting me with a grimace as the stairs begin to come up. Soon after, the others do as well, catching me off guard. It's after a moment I realize why; they're all under me in terms of position. On each of their uniforms is their status, three of them Privates, another something I can't see due to his standing compared to mine. Though, I dismiss it as grin comes to my face, and I give a salute back, causing the men to let out a small grin as well.

Respect; It really is the only thing most men in the world want.

With that, the door comes down, and I walk into the small space, being as quiet as I can be as I sit beside Maggie. The pilot, the same man that had helped Maggie onto the craft, sits at the controls behind a clear plastic divider, which I suppose is meant to keep any noise Maggie and I are making from reaching his ears. I guess he gets easily distracted. I chuckle at the thought, catching Maggie's attention. "What's so funny?" she asks.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking to myself," I reply.

"Ah, I see," Maggie replies, looking at her hands.

I blink. Normally, she doesn't keep her gaze from meeting mine, she's forward like that. "Maggie, is something wrong?" I say out of curiosity.

"No, nothing at all," Maggie replies, "I'm just thinking to myself."

I grin, seeing that she used my words against me. With that, I turn my attention a different route, and without realizing it, I begin playing with a strand of her locks. Maggie picks up on my actions quickly, turning slight to look at my hands, but not my face.

"What are you-" she starts.

"How did your hair grow so much longer in such a short time?" I interrupt, still studying her hair.

Her eyes widen in surprise, "Huh?"

"The last time I saw you, your hair was at your waist. Now it's at your thighs," I reply, looking up at her face.

She doesn’t meet my gaze, obviously a bit embarrassed. She does her best to sound calm as she answers me, but I can hear a bit of fluster in her tone, “W-Well, a Jeweloid’s hair grows exponentially during the night because . . . um, o-our power doesn’t go to sleep or something. Instead of powering my abilities, it redirects itself into healing and apparently growing my hair.”

I’m surprised by her explanation, still holding a bit of her locks. “Oh really? I never knew that,” I comment.

“You know what else is changed?” Maggie replies.

“What?” I ask, made curious by her sudden desire to share random facts with me.

She holds her hands out to me, catching me off guard as she gestures at me to look at them. They seem normal, but I do notice something almost immediately; her nails are blue. Without thinking, I gently take one of her hands and inspect them further, causing her to catch her breath some. I myself feel a strange spark shoot up my spine, and I suddenly become aware of just how close we are. An awkwardness fills me, but I try to ignore it as I look over her hands. Her nails aren’t painted, it’s the nail itself that’s colored the blue hue.

Maggie seems to manage the awkward atmosphere a different way, finding herself focusing on her other hand as she grumbles to herself, “Blue is starting to grow on me.” Caught by the random comment, I’m unable to respond before she continues speaking to herself, “How sad, I’m giving up to such a depressing color.”

“Y’know, my favorite color is blue,” I comment randomly, more or less wanting to see what her reaction would be. Immediately, Maggie tenses, probably realizing she was thinking out loud. By accident, she looks up and meets my eyes. Upon realizing her blunder, her face becomes red, and she quickly pulls her gaze away from mine, clearly flustered about something. What it is, I can't say to be honest.

I laugh a bit at her embarrassment, causing her expression to change into an odd, but intriguing pout. "S-Stop laughing at me!" she exclaims.

"Sorry, you're just easily flustered," I chuckle.

"I am not!" she argues.

"You are, don't deny it," I reply.

She purses her lips at me, and actually sticks out her tongue in retaliation, causing me to laugh harder. Watching me, her annoyed expression wades into a warm smile, her cheeks still red. After a moment, Maggie begins to look through her thoughts, figuring it best to bring back up a previous discussion.

"Isugoro . . ." Maggie trails.

"Mhmm?" I reply, still chuckling a bit.

"Well, I-I thought it best to tell you now while we have some alone time," Maggie starts, looking down at her hands as she speaks, "I have decided that once I am a-actually enlisted into Gelus, that I-I want to-"

"Maggie, I'm up here," I interrupt, moving a finger under chin to lift it up so I can see her face. My action causes the heat in her cheeks to rise higher, and without my knowledge, her heart to beat a bit faster, not helping her nerves. "What is it?" I ask.

She gulps quietly, trying her best to keep her eyes connected with mine without losing her courage.

"I-I've decided that, if you are ok with it . . ." she trails, "I want you as my partner."

My eyes widen in shock. I’ve been hearing the past week or so more and more about my undetermined role as Maggie's partner, but I didn't think she'd say anything on the subject for quite some time.

And I never imagined that she had made the decision on whether or not she'd give me the position.

I look away, unsure how to think at the moment. I don't know if I should be flattered, or panicked. I look closer at my hands, surprised to see them shaking. At the moment, I think panic is winning out. Maggie seems to notice, her brow furrowing a bit as she watches me.

"Isugoro, I'm sorry, i-if you don't want to, I won't make you-" she starts.

"No, no, that's not it," I say quickly, trying to reassure her, "I just wasn't expecting you to make a decision so fast."

I feel my own stress deplete a little as I watch her sigh in relief. She smiles bitter sweetly, leaning back against the seat, "I'm sorry, I guess I just want to have that security. That sounds weird doesn't it?"

"Not really," I reply.

Her smile brightens a bit for a moment, before it fades again. "I think I'd feel better if we weren't doing this," she comments.

"Commencing take off."

Suddenly, the entire craft shifts forward, catching Maggie and I off guard. Maggie begins to fall forward, but I'm able to react quick enough to catch her and pull her back down into the seat. I keep hold of her as the craft quickly lifts up off its pedestal, levitating as the hangar doors open, before bolting forward again, this time flying out of the building. She holds on tight to me, apparently frightened by the pilot's sudden actions as he flies us over the plateau where the training facility sits, before taking a sharp right to turn us in the other direction; South. With that, he flies fast, but straight, allowing me to drop my tight hold on her.

"We're good," I say. Maggie, still grasping to the front of my jacket, doesn't release her hold for a few more moments, still a bit shell-shocked. After a few moments, she allows herself to loosen her hold, looking around, then focusing her gaze on the world below. She smiles, loving the view of the outside world. I grin, then remember something. I tap her shoulder, getting her attention. "Watch this," I say, pressing a button nearby.

With the signal, the roof above us vanishes, revealing the clear core which allows passengers to see the sky above, kinda light a sky light. But, instead of just a portion of the ceiling, it's the full roof.

The sight causes Maggie to gasp in awe, her smile growing as she sees the large blue sky. Clouds rush past us, some cutting against the wing of the craft, making the scene much more interesting to the eye. She says nothing for a few minutes, totally speechless as she watches the white mist twist above and below us. She raises herself in the seat so she can see the world below. I follow suit, taken by the patterns made the shadows of those things above. Suddenly, she looks even more excited, darting her eyes between me and outside as she points down, “Goro, birds! There’s a flock of birds down there!”

A pang of guilt spreads through my gut. I see the birds all the time, but as I see her happiness soar, I realize that this is the first time she’s seen animals. Something about the way she bounces, and my previous conversations with her tell me she used to be very involved with nature. But, because of what has happened, she’s been stripped of any access to the outside world. And she can’t do anything about it.

Stomach twists as I look away from her. We really do take this world for granted.

After a moment, she looks back at me, and meets my gaze, grinning warmly, "Thank you."

"No problem, I just thought you'd like it, considering your last viewing of outside," I reply with a grin.

"You mean when we had lunch," she chuckles, "Oh God, I must have seemed strange."

"No, just happy," I answer honestly.

She blushes a bit, before I see a light bulb apparently go off in head. "That's what I wanted to ask too," she says to herself.

"What?" I question.

Maggie stops for a moment, her expression becoming unsure. I blink, unsure how take her sudden change in attitude. Then, she sighs, looking at me. "I want to know," she say plainly.

"Know what?" I ask.

"I want to know about you, Goro," she continues, "I want to know what it is you are hiding from me. From everyone."

My eyes widen. That's why she paused.

"What I'm hiding-" I start.

"Goro, we all know that there is something you're not saying about yourself," she interrupts, "You have something blocked off from anyone to find, so does Cent. I found that out when I cut him off-"

"Cut him off?" I repeat.

"When I came in to check in on you, and he was yelling, I used a technique HERA had taught me earlier to cut off his thinking patterns. If I hadn't, he would have become violent, and could have potentially made your injuries much worse. . . . That's why I ran as quickly as I could to your room to stop him," Maggie explains.

I caught dead in my own thoughts. Maggie stopped him. Maggie was able to sense something was happening without even being in the same room.

How?

"But when I did . . . I found the same barrier blocking his mind from everything. Something must have happened to both of you, something profound. I want to know what it is-" she explains.

"No."

My abrupt answer catches her off guard, unsure of my sudden cold tone. I meet her eyes again, causing to cringe a bit into herself as she sees the seriousness in my gaze. I can’t help it, the deep dormant frustrations I’ve locked up are beginning to break through. I can’t allow that to happen.

"Goro, please-" she starts.

"That's enough," I interrupt, "It's my own business, I don't have to tell you."

My words cause her brow to furrow, apparently hitting a nerve, "What, so you can know all you want about me, but I can't know anything about you?"

"Maggie, stop it," I say.

"No, it's not right," Maggie answers, her anger growing, "I had to give all my information to you, my family, my past, all of it! I simply want to know for the better of things, but apparently I can't even gain that much in return for everything you made me-"

"I didn't make you do anything!" I snap, causing Maggie to jump. I find myself unable to control my anger, my willpower over my emotions dwindling as I clench my fists on my lap. I meet her weakening stare with steeled eyes, speaking coldly, "I'm not the Commander, I'm not Kasami; I didn't ask you for shit! You told me about yourself of free will, I didn't ask you anything. So I'm sorry if I don't feel like getting too personal with someone I hardly know at the moment!"

My words cut deep, it's easy to see. As soon as the last sound escapes my throat, I see her eyes starting to become glossy. She's shaking, afraid that I'm going to continue yelling at her . . . just like Nallie would when she got screamed at.

I breathe heavily, my temper still boiling a bit, but I don't want to make it worse. I move to get up, knowing of another seat in the short hall leading from the cabin to the door. Surprisingly, Maggie grabs my wrist.

"Goro-" she starts.

Suddenly, I see fire. My breathing picks up as I see the familiar scene.

I hear screaming, explosions going off near and far as the blaze licks at the crumbling building surrounding me. I'm running fast, faster than I ever have in my life. I hear familiar shouts and calls, familiar voices, but I ignore them. I continue to run, my lungs burning as I try to avoid the sparks and flames.

I hear cracks above me, then a loud whooshing noise. A beam is falling.

"ISUGORO!"

The flashing memories Nathan had showed me begin to intertwine with my own recalling, my heart beat quickening, beating in my ears as I hear high pitched screams, Maggie's standing out from the rest.

Cent. Nallie. Psya. Ciesly. Zalia. Zthaniel. Joseph.

Marcel-

"STOP!"

My scream cuts through the air, even catching the pilot's attention. I've pulled my arm back, panting hard as I whip my head around, realizing I'm back in the craft. My eyes dart, eventually finding Maggie, her face pale and scared. After a moment, I see her try to move toward me, but I can't handle it.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" I snap. Maggie goes rigid, almost crying out in fright. My breathing is ragged, my shoulders jumping up and down as my heart pounds hard. I only stand there a moment longer, before I whip around and disappear into the hall to be alone in the jump seat. I plop down on the seat with a loud thud, and instantly my face falls into my hands, my whole body trembling. I can't think, my mind is puddy as I feel my body shaking restlessly. My mind is blank, a nauseous sensation threatening to consume me. After so long of the barriers holding strong, I’m angry that by simply questioning me, she can get under my skin. Far away I can barely make out sniffling.

I stay like this for the rest of the flight.

Once we land, surprisingly, I'm escorted out without Maggie, and into a separate area. The only glimpse I get of her is as I'm turning down the hall, and for a split second I see her exiting the craft, holding tight to the pilot's hand. Her eyes are a bit puffy and red.

A spark of guilt wells up within me as I continue to walk on with the two men. It’s almost instant that the entire scene replays back in my mind, and I finally begin to take not of my blunder. I reacted way too harshly to her, especially after that flashback situation. She wasn't any part of it. As for her strong urging to learn more about me . . . she’s just trying to understand.

And I just glared her down like it was evil.

"Ah, Jintez, you've arrived on time, I see."

I blink, looking up to see a finely groomed man standing in the middle of the hall intersection, two men standing on either side him, armed. I slow down my breathing a bit as I salute him. "Colonel Gulf?" I say.

"Haha, that's correct," he chuckles, moving closer, "But since you're a good friend of Kasami, I'll let you call me Swami. That work?"

What is with superiors and not liking their titles? Honestly, it’s beginning to bother me.

"Sir, with all due respect, I request-" I start.

"You want to go see that girl you blew up at on the way here, don't you?" he interrupts. My eyes widen, causing him to laugh lightly, "Boy, I'm not sure if you were told, but the pilot had a transmitter on the entire time so that we could keep close contact. I heard basically everything."

I can feel the color in my face disappearing, a sinking feeling taking over my gut. Seeing my expression, the Colonel, Swami I guess, sighs, his brow furrowing sympathetically. "From what I've been told about you, and your interactions with that girl, I can take that this isn't how you normally interact with her," he says calmly, "Though it seems that whatever it is she was inquiring about is a bit of a sensitive topic. I can understand having things about your past that you don't want to remember, we soldiers all have stories. . . . But when it causes you to irrationally snap, that's when it crosses the line from a simple sting to a great scar."

I don't answer, allowing him to continue, "From what I heard, she wasn't trying to make you mad. . . . I think she just didn't realize how touchy the boundaries around the subject she's trying to reach is."

". . . Yeah," I answer quietly.

He looks away to one of his soldiers, who nods as he steps forward, "This is Sergeant Saders. He'll take you to your temporary housing for the night. There you'll find your meal, and any other necessities. You are to be up and back at this intersection by 6:00 so you can be briefed on the mission before the girl is woken. You won't see her until you reach the grounds, and you’re not permitted to leave your housing to go looking for her."

I don't say anything, causing him to sigh, "I think you two need to have a bit of time apart before you two see each other again, it'll allow you to straighten your heads before you talk."

After a moment, I nod, meeting his gaze. "Thank you," I say quietly.

A bitter sweet smile takes place on his face, and he gestures to Saders, "Take him."

"Alright, follow me."

With that, I'm taken to a small one bed room, a platter of steaming chili sitting on the bedside table. The door is closed behind me, but I wait 'til I no longer hear footsteps.

I fall on the bed, ignoring everything as I let darkness envelop me. The swelling darkness numbs my self-hatred, and it allows sleep to clear my thoughts a bit. I blink again to see a pale light coming through the small window above my bed. I lift myself up a bit, looking over at the digital clock. 5:32

I don't even think as I quickly move out of my bed, and put on the uniform I had packed, eating the cold chili from the night before in the process. It only takes about three minutes for me to get fully dressed, and eat everything I had pushed aside the night before, stepping out of the room, and easily following the reversed path that Saders had taken to find the intersection, Swami already waiting for me. His brow raises in surprise, not expecting me apparently. "Well, you're early," he states.

"Try to be, Sir," I say as I salute him.

He gestures, allowing me to lower my hand as he speaks, "Alright, I guess we can go ahead and proceed. The girl is also ready, so we might as well start early.”

With that, I'm walked back to the loading bay, getting into a craft by myself with Swami. As the craft starts, Swami gives me a simple summary. Maggie and I will be taken to the middle of the grounds. Our goal is to find a flag, and bring it back to the "base" on the opposite side of the grounds. It is apparently muddy, with numerous ledges and caverns, as well as some high plateaus. Three "enemy" factions will attack us, and we, as a team, will have to take them down. We also must do it in under ninety minutes.

Great.

With that, Swami grins suddenly, catching me off guard. "What is it, Sir?" I ask, not realizing we're beginning to hover over my drop point.

"That girl, she's spirited," he chuckles, "Make up with her while you're out here. No one likes to have an enemy on their own team; especially when that enemy may be the closest thing to a friend they have."

Without warning the hatch opens, Swami gives me a gun belt, and pushes me out of the craft. I yell a bit in surprise, though to my amazement, I make impact quite quickly with the ground, even more so, it doesn't really hurt. I sit up to find I'm sitting in some tall grasses, which I guess broke my fall. I grunt a bit as I stand up, popping my back as I try to look around, before I freeze.

Maggie is standing in front of me, watching me with an unamused frown set on her face. From a simple glance at her eyes, I can see that she’s putting up a guard, the hue cold. She is not happy.

"Maggie-" I start.

"The flag is that way, I saw it as they flew me in," she interrupts, gesturing over shoulder, before she turns, "We should probably start walking that way, but only until we find some cover to move through so we're not so much in the open like this."

I blink in shock. Since when does she know battle strategy?

"It's common sense, stupid," she say, apparently still able to hear my thoughts.

"Hey, name calling isn't necessary," I reply in a calm tone.

"Neither is screaming, but we've already checked off that box, so why not?" Maggie replies, looking over her shoulder with a pissed off smirk.

Oh God, she holds grudges.

Before I can say anything else, she starts walking ahead, leaving me behind. Silently, I follow her, watching for any signs of incoming attacks. Every once in a while, I look at her belt. She also has guns.

Without reason, I feel my heart beat pick up. I shake it off, realizing I'm being unreasonable. She's just mad, she's not gonna murder me just for that.

After a few minutes, I see a few decoy enemies coming from over a nearby hillside. I turn towards Maggie, "Hey, on the right!"

With that, Maggie turns, and without another moment to waste, she whips out both of her guns, and shoots countlessly at the decoys. Only seconds pass before they're all down, and as if it never happened, Maggie resets her guns in the holsters and continues on. I stand there shocked. She didn't even think about it!

Eventually, we find the areas with the caverns, both of us moving down into the gorge to gain shelter. I become a bit more on guard just out of experience, and frankly, instinct. Maggie doesn't look worried in the slightest.

Another decoy enemy comes up, this time above us. Before I can even say anything, Maggie whips her guns back out, shooting aimlessly till they're all down. Again, I'm shocked, but this time, I'm also a bit angry. "Maggie," I state.

"What?" she asks, her tone annoyed as she pauses about ten feet ahead.

"What do you think you're doing?" I reply.

The wind picks up slightly, the breeze almost moaning as it catches our hair. Her longer locks dance all around her body, the sapphire locks vibrant against the earth around us. "I'm getting this mission over with, what does it look like?" she says.

"Maggie, you're missing the point of this exercise-" I start.

"I'm supposed to kill them, so what am I doing wrong?-" she says, looking over her shoulder at me, her eyes almost ice.

I feel a lump forming in my throat as I meet her gaze, speaking calmly, "We're supposed to work as a team-"

"Bullchitna," Maggie spits as she turns all the way around.

"Maggie-" I start.

"You don't want to be on my team, hell, you scream at me even if I'm just trying to learn more about you," Maggie snaps, her anger starting to affect her tone.

Again, I try to remain calm, realizing that my outburst on the craft was probably the worst way I could’ve handled things. I sigh, feeling exasperated as I try to explain myself, "Maggie, you don't understand. I didn't scream because of you-"

"Then what? Does my presence just upset you that much?" she asks, her voice getting more severe.

"No, Maggie-" I start.

"Fuck you."

I’m totally blindsided. Her voice suddenly turned razor sharp, her words stabbing me right in the gut. She just stands there, fuming, before she turns, going ahead, "You just go back. I can do this myself."

With that, she uses flash, and vanishes. I'm still in so much shock that I can't even more for at least another minute or two. Of course, the first thing I do is intelligent; I punch the cavern wall out of frustration. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this.

"Dammit all . . ." I whisper between my gritted teeth.

"How sad."

A subtle click rings through the air, the shaft of a gun pointing at the back of my head. A real gun, not a decoy. A real enemy, thirsting for blood; mine . . . and Maggie's.

Noxcus.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Deanie
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Deanie wrote a review Review · Feb 1, 2015

Hi Serene!

I did say I was going to be catching up, didn't I? ;) (This review may be shorter because I have less to say than in the previous review.)

I liked this chapter but I did feel like it fell a bit short in comparison to the other ones. It was a big moment, but it seemed to fall short to me in some ways, which I will mention later in the review. I did like how you included a little flashback and have managed to create an aura of mystery around Cent and Isugoro, seeing as they have been holding something back from everyone. Something so big that it caused him to snap at her. I wonder what it could be, and I look forward to finding out! I am also intrigued to see how this Gillie person is going to play in the story. From her mention in the previous chapter I didn't think she would have much to say but now her role looks a bit bigger than expected. I like how the humans feature in your story and how we can clearly see the difference between the two races and the way they react to different situations. This story only gets more interesting as time goes by, and I can't wait to read the other chapters.

I feel like we need a lot more emotion in this chapter in general! I find it incredibly hard to know how Isugoro is feeling. In fact, the emotions we mostly get from him and Maggie are shocked and nervous, and we need to remember that emotions do go further than that as well. I know he gets angry here, but it's all in the dialogue. I am not seeing enough of it in his actions or his thoughts. Everything is verbal, and that makes bringing across the emotions a lot less effective. I want to see the slight changes in his expression, the way he is standing, what his hands are doing and what he is thinking as the emotions are steadily running through his body. I want to be able to feel the anger as it starts to rage through him. I think we need a lot more description here. The more emotion the reader gets, the closer they will feel to the characters and the greater the impact of the said emotion will have on the story. When you start to write it, don't be worried about overdoing it. It's always best to over emote than under do it. And it's easier to trim down than to add emotion into something after you've written it. So try and include all the senses, and see how it has an effect on his emotion. Smell, touch, taste, hearing... they all have their place. What can he hear? What can he see? And now tell us how he reacts to it, in body and mind, and how that contributes to his emotions. I am sure you can do it ^.^

As I have mentioned in the previous review (so I won't focus on it too much) I feel as though the flow is broken up here. As I mentioned, keep reading it aloud. Look for those long sentences split by a lot of commas, and trim down the amount of 'small words' in them, so your speech won't trip over them anymore. We need this to read smoothly to the reader, so they can get adjusted to your writing style and not have it be an issue as they read the story. Another thing which bothered me again as I mentioned before is the stammering. It seemed to even be overdone here. I am sure you can find other ways of demonstrating nervousness, because I will admit that I am getting a bit sick and tired of the amount of stammering going on >.> But it's nothing that can't be salvaged!

The other thing would be to put the whole flashback into italics so we know it is happening. You did put the end of it in italics but not the beginning? Not sure why you did that... but without it, there was no signal to the reader. I was confused as to where the sudden burst of fire everywhere came from until I figured it out later. We're trying to get rid of the confusion completely because readers don't like that. So, italics can easily solve this problem! (The flashback was also a great way to put a teaser into the whole aspect of them keeping secrets ;))

I feel like this chapter was lacking in setting. It was kind of missing everywhere. When they went to this mission place and started their mission, I wanted some more imagery. It was almost impossible for me to picture where they were, and that bothered me. I also had no clear image of what these decoys looked like. They were just dropped into the picture and shot down, then ignored again. Which bothered me, because I wanted to know how much of an easy target they were. It could tell us readers whether what Maggie was doing was simply easy, or was actually pretty difficult and we should be impressed by the fact that she could do it in such a blasé manner. Also, try to insert setting into little things. Describe the site from the helicopter a bit more, but don't do it directly. Tell us later, when Maggie is thanking Isugoro how the stars above them looked like the twinkles in her eyes. Tell us how the green inside the helicopter matched the trees outside. If you insert setting description into thoughts in random places, we get an idea of the big picture without it being dumped on us. That aside, don't forget you can describe places we have spent plenty of time inside as well. So, we could still see the training facility at the beginning again, in a new light. That is perfectly okay.

Can you believe I only have one nitpick for you? I'm impressed. You've definitely been working at that proofreading :)

and how you two are doing after the first day.


That was the end of Kasami's speech, so it needed speech marks there.

I am looking forward to when I have time to read the next chapter! Keep writing, and I hope you can finish off this novel soon. You're almost there.

Deanie x

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Chanta1234
Review
Chanta1234 wrote a review Review · Dec 28, 2014

I really loved this but I have a few problems with the grammar punctuations and etc. But you also did very good but I think you should probably fix a few things and btw happy review do to everyone thank you very much for spending your time to read this review but those were the only criticisms i had thank you for your time. And I don't think F*** you should be in a sentence just saying

What exactly needs fixed? You never addressed it XD

Yeah, unfortunately the characters in my stories talk like real like people of the same age, so cussing is involved in my writing. I try not to use the f word, but due to the situation of the scene, it was necessary. I hope you can understand.
Thanks!
~Maddie

yes i understand and nothing really i just wrote stuff heheh but its good

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LittleFox
Review
LittleFox wrote a review Review · Dec 28, 2014

Hi there and happy Review Day!
I'm sorry for the delay on this review, I left to go stay with my sister right after you posted it, but do not fret, I'm here now :3

I have say that was a little worried when Isugoro and Maggie started getting all cutsie that there would be a big cheesy scene, but I was actually surprised and impressed by the turn around. I feel like this would have been too early in their relationship within the story for them to have a nice romantic scene, but it was great timing for them to come a across a big bump in the road.

I also love the cliffhanger ending. It makes me really impatient for the next chapter, so get on it. xD

Anyway, well done!
Hope you enjoyed your Christmas!
-LittleFox

I try haha
Already written chica XD

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DrFeelGood
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DrFeelGood wrote a review Review · Dec 28, 2014

Well this was quite a long chapter to be honest and it gets really difficult to read something right in the middle without knowing the back drop and set up. After 22 chapters you have crossed at least 33% of the story assuming it is roughly 66 chapters over all.

There are very little things to nit pick. The editing is doing quite sharply. No much of run on sentences or unedited typos which I could locate here. The flow is also pretty good.

One of the thing I personally like is the weight-age given to dialogues. Dialogues engage me as a reader and though I have very little idea of what's going on, I still get sucked into your world.
Dialogues are written sharply without missing the descriptions.

I agree with Sharrae Wilson that there are times where I can't see any clarity of the situation. Yes, I haven't read the other parts and I don't know the story but that isn't the problem. There are parts of the chapter where the words and sentences get really hard to decode. Yet, the flow somehow remains quite sturdy.

I particularly liked this part:

"Maggie," I state.

"What?" she asks.

"What do you think you're doing?" I reply.

"I'm getting this mission over with, what does it look like?" she says.

"Maggie, you're missing the point of this exercise-" I start.

"I'm just supposed to kill them, so what am I doing wrong?-"

"We're supposed to work as a team-"

"Bullchitna."


That last word o.o Wow. Something new to discover!

Anyways keep up the good work. Keep writing!

The novel is actually only 30 chapters, but it's in a series.
I hope you read other parts!
~Maddie

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ChimeraMania
Review
ChimeraMania wrote a review Review · Dec 23, 2014

Oh my gosh are you serious, I'm so fake mad and real happy about this chapter. Fake mad because of how it ended.

Okay so I'm not going to nick-pick. Someone else might do that. Although there is one part that confused me, I tried rereading it to make since in my head but it was a little hard.

"Pick a side before you damn yourself."
At first this confused me but I think I got it now. But I think it'll be better if you didn't use you and yourself so close together. To release confusion, maybe instead of one word separating the two maybe two or three. Or simply just change the word damn. I get, kinda, what she's trying to say, although, I think you need a better word than damn. It might also release confusion.

That's the only negative though I had while reading this the first time through.

Can I just say, though, I loved his blow up. Makes me want to know what happened. It also reminded me of when he punched Cent in the nose/face because he said that girl's name. A very touche subject I see. I like touche, builds character. And the fact that it makes him react that way just proves, a little bit more, how protective he is.

All in all great chapter. I'm posting this as a review but I like reading this than reviewing it but since I kind of did review it and it'll be your first for this chapter, it's a review. Well posted as one.

I hope I'm close to being a #1 fan though.



Regret has a flavor and it tastes like the espresso I consumed at 9pm.
— SilverNight