#12 Benjamin Bumblebee
Bumpety numpety,
Benjamin Bumblebee
always a-fumble, he
sat on the fence.
When addressed cautiously,
"What might the matter be?"
“Incomprehensible -
doesn't make sense.”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,518 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
WHAT?!?!?!
I swear I reviewed this piece AGES ago! O.o
. . . but it's different now. Good improvements.
xD Maybe you saw it when I did NaPo? I've not had it in the forums long, but I did post it on my NaPo thread back in April. And thanks, I'm glad you approve!
That must've been it. . . .
I do ^^
This was so cute and funny!
It made me smile, after a pretty emit ally draining Friday the 13th. I don't believe in that, but I have to say it was a pretty odd day yesterday... 
But anyways, I love your poem. Short and sweet, catchy, and who doesn't like a name like Benjamin Bumblebee?
Thanks wonder, I'm glad it made you smile! I'm thinking of working on a short collection of 'feel good' poems or poems for children and this would definitely go in there
If you ever got that published, I would SOOOOO buy that!!!!
That's a great incentive, now I HAVE to write it xD
Lol, I'm glad I'm that motivational. XD
This is wonderful and adorable. It made my day (and I've been having some awfully bad days lately). Thank you for sharing this
No problem and I'm glad it helped cheer you up!
This is one of three (or more) reviews that you will receive by a member of the Knights.
Truly there is nothing to criticize here.
Your rhythm is one of the catchiest beats I have ever come across.
Your stanzas are perfectly proportioned.
Your topic (or plot, I still haven't figured out what to call it in a poem) is absolutely hilarious.
Your rhymes are lovely.
And very true. Incomprehensible = doesn't make sense.
You did abandon the rhyme scheme slightly in the last stanza, but I'm not complaining. You did it in such a way that it is absolutely perfect.
If I were one of the judges selecting the winners, you would be one of them.
Thank you! I can't take all credit for the rhythm as it's actually a poetic form called the double dactyl, you should give it a try and see how it works for you!
I probably call the topic/ plot a narrative when I'm looking at poetry, but any of the three works. You could maybe even call it the subject; I'd be interested to know what word professionals use actually!
Thanks again for your kind words and good luck to you if you decide to enter!
Hahahahahaha. This so funny Rydia. I love the quick rhyming and fast-paced stanzas. The first three lines are so random and funny. Thy instantly brought a smile to my face. Great writing. I don't see any errors in it. Although the two lines of the poem confuse me a little. But they probably make sense and I'm just slow. Anyway, good job.
Keep it up!
Thank you very much! Everyone keeps pointing out those last two lines so maybe I'll take another look, but I'm really glad you liked it!
Rydia, I am here representing our lovely company of Knights of the Green Room, and I just have to say how absolutely enjoyable it is to read this poem. It takes talent, and I think a lot of luck (or is that just bucketloads of talent I can't even comprehend?) to be able to put together words in such a tight rhyme and structure that are still so pleasing and easy. This is the kind of stuff they could put in text books! Haha.
I like that even though at first it doesn't seem to -- haha -- make sense, the more you let yourself go into this poem, and accept the associations that might come to you from the ideas/images of bumble bees, fence, the word "fumble", the word "cautiously", the response to the question feels right as rain.
If I had suggestions, they'd be mostly on the surface. For example, I'd ask why you capitalized "Sat" on the fourth line. I'd also ask whether you wanted to add either a colon or an m-dash after "incomprehensible" in the second stanza. As it's punctuated now, it could be a full sentence that means the world "incomprehensible" doesn't make sense, but I like the more open whimsy that would happen if the subject of Benjamin's worries wasn't revealed, but if we just saw him sitting there and fumbling with his thoughts, trying and trying to make sense of them.
Otherwise, lovely. Especially cool to have the echo in the Mother Goose nursery rhyme of Humpty Dumpty -- not in the rhyme but just in the fence. It adds a lovely layer of texture beneath your poem. I need your skillz.
Thank you Hannah and I think there's quite a bit of luck involved, certainly less talent, more luck, yep yep!
Good catch on the 'Sat' - I had all first words capitalised at first and haven't fixed that one so I need to do that!
I'm glad you like the nursery rhyme themes, I wondered if I was over playing that, so it's good to hear that it works!
Rydia this was a cheat. you are the greatest poet to have ever walked the green castles halls.
For some reason I have to agree with that last two lines.
I can't find a single single thing wrong with it besides that fact that it is hard to understand.
*Looks at greatest poet ever and walks off.*
All I can do is hope that I will get to where you are someday in the poets ranks.
~Jonathan~
Thank you so much for the kind words Jonathan! I think I still have a long way to go before I reach the level of the great poets, but I'm glad you liked it!
I found this very humorous, and I like how you made it simple but creative. I feel that you didn't have to think too much, as I feel it came to you naturally. I'm looking forward to reading more, and I hope you will put more poems like these on, but about other insects or objects. I can't think of anything to change about it.
Overall, a really good poem, it made me laugh. Well done, I enjoyed it, and I hope you enjoyed writing it too.
Gothgirl
Thank you! I did enjoy writing it and it did come naturally, I think that rhythmic poems are much easier to write
A series about different animals sounds like a really fun idea, maybe I will try that out! Thanks again.
I like this poem a lot. Nonsense poems are always so fun to read. It does sound sort of sound like a nursery rhyme and I like that. Itsy-bitsy and cutsy. I like how you describe Ben's clumsy ways with "Bumpety numpety,". I can imagine little Benny bumblebee fumbling over to the fence and sitting down on it. The mood you created was light and happy, pleasant, and like your other reviewer said, like Humpty Dumpty! It should be in Mother Goose's book ok rhymes and small tales! (That's what I call it). There isn't much poem to critique, which makes it harder to critique it, so. This is still very good work though. I applaud you noisily.
~Racket
Thank you very much for the kind words, I'm glad you liked it!
Kitty!
I feel like it's been a while since I've reviewed one of your poems, though I was eagerly reading through all of them during NaPo! This one reminded me of one of the ones you did for NaPo and I guess I just love nonsense poems. XD
Actually, now that I think on it, does this poem take a particular structure? It sort of reminds me of Humpty dumpty, and it does have the look and feel of a nursery rhyme! I love the name Benjamin Bumblebee -- though I'm not too fond of the opening bumpety numpety -- even though I know it's meant to describe the clumsiness of the bee, it doesn't seem to fit as well (bees are so small! will they really make a bumpety sound, maybe a buzzing or shrilly sound, I unno?) and it just keeps driving my mind to think of humpty dumpty xD
The rest of it though is just adorbs, particularly the last lines <3
~ as always, Audy
It does have a particular structure, clever you and it's also one of the ones I did for NaPo. I was playing with the Double Dactyl form: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_dactyl (now you have to write one, bwha ha ha).
Thanks for the feedback
Hello there ! Speakerskat here to review for the Tsunami Tyrants!
Bumpety numpety,
Is numpety a word?
Benjamin Bumblebee
Hahaha I love the name Benjamin, espically how it adds here in this case and give it alliteration, nice usage of poetic devices!
always a-fumble, he
Sat on the fence.
When addressed cautiously,
what might the matter be:
“Incomprehensible
doesn't make sense.”
yes he said it, the last 2 lines do not make any sense =-?
Who was talking and what were they saying?
I'm confused there. It reminded me of humpty dumpty only isnt that assonance used there instead of alliteration. I thought it was cute and if it was a little longer it could be a nersuary rhyme . I'm sure tons of kids would love this, I know I did. It was playful and carefree and it was nice,short, sweet, and simplistic . VERY CUTE
Keep it up
~Speakerskat
Thanks Speaker!
Tee-hee^^Its cute!
Thanks!