Not too big on poems, but this was really great. Great writing Rydia
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A/N: Apologies for the layout issues. This poem would normally be displayed in columns with scholarly notes to the left. To view in its original format, please click the links below.
Part One
Part Two
The Pirates of Botany Bay*
*Sections of the epic are lost or badly obscured, but historians believe this to be the true account of the former Prime Minister Ferret Foster.
At Botany Bay, in a ship as she lay,
asleep in the Indigo Blue
were pirates of merit, Bill, Roger and Ferret
and the rest of the braggarty crew.
They pulled anchor at dawn and raised crossbones to warn
other sailors to stay out their way.
They went looking for treasure and killing for pleasure,
those pirates of Botany Bay.
***
Said one to another, 'I flag-poled* your mother.'
'Oh yeah, well I've flag-poled her too.'
A third was confused, but not liking to lose
he pushed them both into the Blue.
*This pirating tradition dates back to the 17th Century when Captain Fleetfloot was the first to hoist a woman on his flag pole.
The weather got colder, the pirates got bolder,
'Hey captain what's all the to-do?
Where's all our pleasure and mountains of treasure?'
'-And the wenches you promised us too.'
***
Bill erected the plank and Sir rapidly sank,
a motion met with much acclaim.
They were ruled by their sabres and democracy labours
when all know the captain's to blame.*
*It is difficult to make out but it appears that the ship subsequently struck an iceberg and most of the crew drowned. Bill, Roger and Ferret were, it seems, preserved in the ice and drifted ashore on the tide where they eventually thawed out.
***
'Home at last boys, but blast, what's that noise?'
'This doesn't look like home to me.'
Oh the journey was long, but their bearings weren't wrong;
they'd spent hundreds of years out at sea.
As the day passed to noon, they tried their fortune
and waylaid a man on the road.
***
'Hey what's the idea, and what's with the gear?
Are you planning a night on the town?
I can't say I'm impressed with your pirated dress,
tell your agents they're letting you down.'
He was clothed in fine ruffs and he gave them stern looks
as the pirates shrank back from his girth.
'You boys could do better, so let's drop the vendetta
and I'll teach you the ways of the Earth.'
He talked of the stage and the minimum wage*
*These wise words have sadly been lost in the translation and reduced to a string of incoherent stanzas about 'socks' and 'stares'.
Said Roger to Bill, 'I've a mind, I've a will.
I'm going to win a degree.'
Well Bill gave this some thought and he realised he ought
to be more than an absentee.*
***
*Very little is known of Bill's later life but the record indicates he left in pursuit of a woman.
So Roger enrolled, on a course* as foretold,
and eventually he figured it out.
But not to be beat, Ferret could compete
and he said, 'I'll get a job, no doubt.'
***
*Roger studied History at Hull University and after obtaining his degree, went on to teach the subject. He specialised in 18th Century pirating.
But sometimes they meet and the cold days retreat,
leaving them young, in their way.
And they'll drink and they'll steal, they're keeping it real,
those pirates of Botany Bay.
Yo, girlie. I'm stealing your idea, 'cept this actually is my tenth review, so there, and I hope it will be helpful.
First, there were no meter or rhyme errors that stuck out at me. What I liked best was that the little historical notes and the broken stanzas will missing lines actually refreshed me out of the rhyming, which I might have gotten tired of if it hadn't been for the saviors. It is cool that the ballad fits with pirate themes, so well, too. It feels to me like bobbing back and forth on a ship -- that's the rhythm the rhyme scheme had for me, anyway.
For the most part, the stanzas seem as slowly paced as most of the stuff I read in English class. There's just one real action per section, and that works fine. I'm okay with that pace. Except that it starts getting weird when you try to move forward too fast through time. It makes the stanzas about getting degrees and jobs, and the loss of one of the pirates, and everything toward the ending seem silly and caricatured. Out of place.
Which I am especially disappointed with because the idea of these pirates getting frozen, preserved, and then adapting so well, and sometimes meeting makes me smile. I like it a lot, and it has this more-serious undertone that I can appreciate while still liking the lightness, buoyancy, and humor, too. So I'm not ready to let those stanzas get off so cheaply and just chalk it up to humor. I see below you had a word count, and this was probably a victim of that, so when you edit, take a look at pacing that out a bit better. I don't need to see every moment of their adaptation, but it seems far more interesting than the slow introduction of their piracy.
I especially want to know what happened to Bill between wanting to not be an absentee and leaving with a woman. haha
Let me know if you have questions or comments about my review, please! Good luck with this.
Okay I looked at this before and needed a little time to think about it before posting. And then I started a review and accidentally deleted it so here we go again!:
-I usually comment more on content, but I think that's pretty solid here, so we'll get into nit-picky form. The meter is terrific and works well with the content. At places it's off and hopefully I'll address those places.
- The first two stanzas are perfect, I think, the way they are. In the third, I was infinitely fascinated by the concept of "flag-poling". Who knew?! And it does a great job of characterizing that pirate scum.
The weather got colder, the pirates got bolder
Bill erected the plank and Sir rapidly sank,
a motion met with much acclaim.
They were ruled by their sabres and democracy labours
when all know the captain's to blame.
As the day passed to noon, they tried their fortune
and waylaid a man on the road.
He talked of the stage and the minimum wage*
to be more than an absentee.
But not to be beat, Ferret could compete
And they'll drink and they'll steal, they're keeping it real,
those pirates of Botany Bay.
Points: 13620
Reviews: 212
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