Young Writers Society

well, i guess you have a beautiful idea, and an awesome intention but there seems to be some little hiccups. The punctuation and progression from one line to the other appears to be poorly coordinated. poetry is disciplined and well structured in all grammatical sense. some lines that run into the next could well have been just one sentence. for instance there was no need to break "These vows you've made" from "do not upgrade you", and also "Today firstly we celebrate" from " "your first date". instead of "Relationships

are complicated but notice

when lovers kiss, each

the other's accomplice, we create

a mutual counterweight to

obstacles navigated together." you could have tried relationships are complicated but when lovers kiss each other, the compliment one another and create a mutual counterweight to obstacles navigated together"
Furthermore, i think the title is also out of place, and the over all composition a bit shaky, but nice attempt tho. try something better, i hope she'll appreciate it.

This doesn't seem right... You like your sister, right? Please try something else for happiest day of her life. If you go along and do this it will be many stares and you will fell awkward as hell. As for your writing skills you should try something else, maybe... You're still young so try some sports or acting because you don't have anything to be a writer... You took something interesting as wedding and bored everyone, and who are you kidding its stress and gifts that make the wedding. If it was the love why would people get married, they would love each other and it would be enough. In reality they just want to commit themselves because they will fall in love with some else in a few days... That's how humans act...

I like the meaning of this poem, but I feel like you had too much repitition of the word "first." You could use different words, maybe, that are synonyms? I think you should also take out the first four lines, they don't really fit the rest of the poem. ^^" You could also work on the flow a bit, I think. Try reading it out loud, maybe?

I think the message was sweet, though! I appreciated the comparison to the beginning of love and then where that love can take you. Thank you for this c: I hope her wedding goes well!

~Joelsweet
(Ps- Keep in mind that I am by no means a professional poet, haha)